June 19, 2013

4 Simple Tips to Help Cool the Flames of Anger.


You get pissed off. It’s totally normal.

Things don’t go your way. You get in a fight with out spouse for the one millionth time about the same frigging issue. Your kids are acting like monsters and driving you crazy. Someone you rely upon lets you down. You get cut off in traffic. You don’t get that check you were expecting but your bills are still piling up nonetheless.

How do you deal with it? Do you get angry? I do!

Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. It does get a bad rap but it can actually be a creative force that embodies enormous information and potential for growth.

When you start to feel angry, a warning light is going on. Acknowledge it.  Something is wrong but you can fix it.

If you understand your anger and know how to use it correctly, you can have a relationship with anger that can actually be both healthy and controlled.

Here are four tricks for cooling the flames of anger and having a healthy relationship with this hot blooded flame:

Know what triggers you.

When you get angry, you are obviously reacting to something. You have been triggered. Anger is the reaction.  Do you know what it is that sets you off?

I do. I get triggered when I don’t feel heard. If I am speaking and I feel like someone is not really listening, or cuts me off, I get angry.  I find it difficult to carry on a constructive conversation with someone who cannot listen.

So, what do I do when I feel unheard? Well, sometimes I react. I am human. But I am making it a practice to learn how to not react when I get triggered. This requires an enormous amount of awareness to know when you are triggered and how to cool the flames.

I can choose to fight to be heard till I am are blue in the face or I can calm down, observe and learn to identify, “Okay, I am not feeling heard, and I need to step away before I become a crazy person and everything around me, including me, becomes toxic.”

Be Kind To Yourself

So you messed up. We all do it. No need to beat yourself up when you’re already feeling down. Be kind to yourself. Anger is like a crying screaming baby, and it needs a lot of love to calm down and soothe. Hold your anger to your chest and let yourself feel what you are feeling. Most of the time anger is masking sadness and pain. It is a defense mechanism to more complex emotions. If you can learn to extinguish your anger you will find the emotions that are creating it beneath it and diffuse them bomb.

Walk Away

It’s that simple. You’re pissed off. You’re going to say things you’ll most likely regret later. Get outta there! Just walk away. I promise you when you re-appear, you’ll be able to view the situation from a completely different perspective.

Breathe in Some Aromatherapy

Essential oils have worked miracles for me when I’m acting like a mad-woman. If you are really angry and find it difficult to relax or calm yourself down once triggered, put a few drops of Roman Chamomile, Wild Orange, Ylang Ylang or Geranium on your hands and inhale deeply. The power of essential oils has always helped me feel more grounded and clear-headed.

It may sound crazy itself. Sniffing oils and you’ll relax? I kid you not. Do not underestimate the power of essential oils and how they can help you when dealing with intense emotions.

I have given you four simple tricks to cool the flames of your anger. I would love to hear from you. What do you do now when you get angry? Do you have any special tools in your toolbox that help calm you down?  I’d love to hear from you so please leave your comments in the box below.


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Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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