Kicking the Feminists Out of My Bedroom. ~ Shasta Townsend

Via Shasta Townsend
on Jun 27, 2013
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Woman's Feet Holding Pink Rose Fresh Pedicure

I am no longer willing to believe I am betraying the sisterhood by having sex.

Good sex. With a man. That I enjoy. A lot.

I am still a feminist.

I grieve for the experience of women these past 2,000 years. I cry for millions who lost their lives because they are women and who still suffer today because of their sex. I resolutely agree that there has been (and is still) too much abuse, degradation and inequality.

I have experienced it as a woman, but have also seen it meted out toward men. I have deep respect and appreciation for women who exposed their own livelihoods, reputations and even lives so others like me may have the same freedoms as men—freedoms that I see as inherent rights for all life on this planet.

I have railed against patriarchy, plotted revenge and denied access to my heart and my bed. I have made penis jokes, compared asses, ridiculed men’s intelligence and wondered, at times, how they tied their shoes and for that I am ashamed.

I am, however, no longer ashamed of loving men. I am no longer willing to be at war with men. I am no longer willing to deny my sexual current, my sensual feminine and my own appreciation of men. I refuse to believe I am sleeping with the enemy.

I am no longer willing to feel ashamed of my desire, my attractiveness and my curves. I refuse to be conservative because that is what “classy girls” do. On the other hand, I refuse to be an abrasive bitch just to offend the patriarchy. I refuse to give up lipstick, lingerie or my bra because they are tools of misogyny. I need my bra. It not only helps keep my breasts in place but they look much better in it!

There was a time when I gave pause to my femininity.

I gave pause to my desire. I gave pause to my relationship. I gave pause to sex because I felt ashamed. I felt like I was letting the sisterhood down by screaming my lungs out in joy with a man. I felt wrong that sex did not feel wrong. I was afraid the Feminist Gestapo would find out I allowed the enemy within—literally. It almost cost me marriage and the man I love with my whole heart. It almost cost me my sweet essence as a woman. Is this what feminists really wanted for women?

I don’t believe so. So I got over it. I let myself be this powerful, sexy, feminine, desiring woman. I created a vision for my self, my relationship, my marriage, and my sexuality that felt good at all levels for me. I let go of dogma, slogans, literature and even pornography and let myself be a feminist in love with men, in love with love, in love with life—and I felt the sweetness of it all.

And now I have to go find my amazing husband. I think our bedroom is now free.


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Ed: B. Bemel


About Shasta Townsend

Best-selling author, award winning teacher and down-to-earth Canadian girl, Shasta Townsend helps women and men reconnect to their wholeness, release blocks to their happiness and reclaim magic so they can live a wonderful life, no matter what! Shasta is passionate about the how-to of creating good relationship—the relationship to our Self, to each other and to the Earth. She is a feisty champion of “unbroken wholeness”—that is the current of love, goodness and creativity that supports us always, and is adept at integrating various disciplines so we may tap into this current with power and ease. Shasta is your feisty champion as she helps to strip away the old stories and reveal your authentic radiance as you unabashedly create the next big, beautiful chapter of your life. Shasta shares her passion for living well as a Featured Columnist at Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Rebelle Society and Vivid Life. Shasta leads retreats, workshops and talks around the world. She lives in Canada with her husband, cat and creative impulse. Her debut book, Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother’s Didn’t Know About the Birds and the Bees is an international best seller and is available through and all amazon platforms world-wide. Connect with Shasta on Facebook or on Twitter @shastaherself.


11 Responses to “Kicking the Feminists Out of My Bedroom. ~ Shasta Townsend”

  1. rob ryder says:

    This makes great sense. The feminine and masculine are complementary. But we men must become more enlightened to hold up our part of the bargain.

  2. Sarah says:

    I don't know where you learned your feminism from because it has nothing to do with hating men or denying yourself sexual enjoyment with them. Believe it or not there are even men out there who are feminists. It is simply the belief that women are of equal worth and value to men and deserve the same respect due to them as human beings. Seriously, read up!

  3. Tina says:

    Not all women hate men. But most of us hate abuse, exploitation, being put down, overlooked etc. When done by a man or a woman its unacceptable.

  4. Gregg says:

    Thank you Sarah for your comment, exactly my thoughts. Writing such an article is only wrongly identifies a feminist causing more harm. I cannot understand how so many young woman have bought into the propaganda wrongly identifying what a feminist is, it really hurts what so many worked so hard for. Also women especially young women should know so many of the things they take for granted today came at great cost from women generations ago & thank god for them because I can’t see enough young women creating that change today. Women need to bond and stop looking to apologize for caring about what is right.

  5. Amélie says:

    Thank you!

  6. lisab says:

    Read All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks.

  7. elephantjournal says:

    Amen. But if you read the comments on elephant, feminism is often mistaken for hating on men. Equality and compassion are much more fun!

  8. elephantjournal says:

    Well said.

  9. Jenn says:

    I agree with the above comments! The body of your message is important and well-spoken. However your title perpetuates the stigmatization of feminism. Feminism is a theory predicated on equality, not competition nor animosity. It sounds like you actually EMbRACED feminism through permitting trust to enter into your partnerships. The fight against patriarchy is not a fight against femininity or a fight towards matriarchy. It is a fight for trusting partnerships.

  10. Jenn says:

    Here Is a more thorough commentary on my beliefs about approaching gender roles as a dichotomy:

  11. Zed says:

    Where do we draw the line at being overlooked based on gender versus based on lack of ability or not being the right person for the part/job?

    No one seems to broach this topic at all, both situations occur in the real world.