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June 25, 2013

When It’s Okay to Let Friends Go. ~ Dana Jacoviello

In the land of social media, it is easy to block or unfriend others, but how do we decide when to let people go in real life?

When is enough…enough?

We will have people in our life who will use us, step all over us, not be there for us, be bad friends and be negative influences. How long we keep these people in our lives all depends on the circumstances and the unspoken feelings we may hide from each other. We all have walls, but nobody wants to live life from behind a wall. The walls might keep out some of the bad, but they also keep out the good.

But it’s impossible to stop pain. In fact, we sometimes need it to become stronger and more assertive: facing pain helps us endure it. We speak about forgiveness, compassion, understanding and acceptance, but how often and how long do we actually enforce this?

Do you weather the storm with the person in pain? 

There are times when it is necessary to let someone walk alone, but we can choose to stand at the other side of the storm, holding our hands out, a beacon through gales of wind.

We can’t feel guilty when the time comes to shut a door for reasons that are acceptable for our well-being. It is only wrong when it’s based on negative emotions that have no real explanation. Often, this happens when family and friends forget to reveal their emotions to one another. Time and time again, we hide our emotions until we explode on someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Sometimes, offering someone another chance is a good thing. It can be hard to distinguish between a bad friend and a good friend who is having a rough time. We must make a choice in this situation and hope for the best if there is no other way to get through to them.

I firmly believe in the truth coming out. If the other person truly cares, they will listen, and if they do not, then you have your answer. You are now free from guilt and burden.

This is why it is okay to let people go when the time has come. We can’t have doors open that are not in our best interest. We have to be kind and gentle to ourselves at the same time we are to others. We want a support system that goes both ways, not one.

Some only see friendship as a one way street, constantly excusing wrongdoings.

If we all were to speak from the heart, strained relationships could be easily mended. But not every friend is meant to be there for life. We might want them to be, but we also want them to be sincere, genuine and consistent. We want to work through things together and talk out problems.

When a person refuses to do that, or holds grudges, stops talking to you, walks away, lies regularly, leads you on, shuts you out, betrays you—the choice becomes clear.

Our egos can cause to us to lose people when we don’t look inside ourselves enough to see the problem clearly. The problem is often right in front of us, but we choose to place and project blame, rather than face the situation head.

The more you lose friends, the more you have to accept that the problem is you and not them. Look beyond faults, look beyond the mess, look beyond the façade, and look for the person they really are before you make such a drastic decision. Know and respect yourself enough to make a healthy choice about when to move on.

You never know what will happen in the future. It is possible that a break is needed in this moment, and the next moment will present itself to heal.

Be open to closure when it is staring you in the face. Be open to change. Be open to new friendships.

Don’t let a person take away your trust because you feel you have suffered when someone disappointed you in the past.

Be open to the true love that is within a friendship.

There are so many good friends out there waiting for you to find them—there could even be best friends that we have not met yet. Some of the greatest relationships are built from afar, and distance holds no bounds. Some of the greatest people we will know might be people we have not actually met.

 

 

Dana Jacoviello is a writer, psychology student, student affiliate of APA and NYSPA, works in cyber-bullying investigations with her business partner, and participated in a 30 Day Challenge as an expert in healing and recovery in personal growth/emotional well-being for the OM Times. Dana is also a motivational mentor and coach, with a strong interest in networking and social media, healing, recovery, yoga and meditation. Please join Dana on her latest anti- bullying campaign/project www.bullieskeepout.com.

 

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  • Assistant Ed: Renée Picard
  • Ed: Brianna Bemel

 

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