July 9, 2013

How to Overcome Resentment in a Marriage. ~ Jesse Herriott

Marriages, like all other relationships, require serious work.

This work requires a joint effort—meaning that you have to recognize your relationship is based on love and not infatuation. Your partner will make mistakes, and you will too.

The 80/20 rule definitely applies in marriages; nobody is perfect. The quality and duration of your marriage hinges on the ability to have realistic expectations of your spouse.

It’s never easy to forget about something that transpired between the two of you, but you can consciously choose to let it go. The sooner you are able to forgive and let go of what you feel they did or didn’t do to you, the quicker you can both move on to the next stage of your relationship. Here are three relationship rules to think about before you allow the resentment to build up:

Rule #1: Recognize that your partner willingly entered into a relationship with you and that they did not intend to replace their parents’ scolding with yours. Marriage is about partnership; a voluntary agreement was made between two parties to willingly engage in a life-long journey together.

Rule #2: Before you go on the warpath and crucify your partner, keep in mind that you are bound to make mistakes in the future as well, and your mistake could be bigger than the one that you are accusing them of making.

Rule #3: It is very difficult to forget about situations that are painful, but you can diffuse your feelings by taking a deep breath and consciously choosing to let it go. And after you have done that, make the choice to never bring it up again. We are all capable of erring, but if we think that the resentment we are holding is worth more than the weight of our relationship, then there may come a time when your marriage is lost and the resentment is all that’s left.

Always remember, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you want your partner to treat you?


Jesse Herriott is a spiritual writer and teacher. A Ph.D. Candidate in Gender Psychology, Jesse lectures on the intersections of Spirituality and Psychology. Jesse’s writings have appeared in both print and online indie magazines and journals—from India’s ASANA International Journal of Yoga to New Thought, the magazine of the International New Thought Alliance, Elephant Journal, and a host of others. Jesse also writes articles for www.unity.org, including monthly installments for Unity’s 2012 Discover the Power Series and the current 2013 Sacred Living Series, as well as pieces for Unity blessing booklets and Daily Word. He hosts a weekly radioshow on Unity Online Radio called Living On Purpose. To contact Jesse directly, visit him on the web at www.jessherriott.com, Facebook, or Twitter.


Like elephant journal on Facebook.

Ed: Dejah Beauchamp & Brianna Bemel

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Elephant journal  |  Contribution: 1,375,490