August 21, 2013

7 Spiritual Dating Dos & Don’ts.


Dating on a spiritual path?

In-tune, grounded, beautiful, centered, self-aware, strong, powerful goddess—or god, for that matter—who knows what she wants: does this sound like you?

Yep, you’ve got it all going on babe.

So why is that age-old quandary of the man-woman relationship still a mystery? If finding one’s self is a lifelong process, it makes sense that finding a soul mate—someone to mirror us, walk through this life with, journey with on the path of awakening—is no simple quest.

This article is non-gender based and applies for Shivas and Shaktis alike.

Spiritual seekers date like every other average person. Due to the alternative lifestyles many of us soul-seekers live—off-grid, away from societal standards, often in gypsy mode, matters of intuition and heart winning over mind-matters—a list of Spiritual Dating Do’s and Don’ts is awfully useful to bounce off one another.

Lesson #1

 We are all energy.  Attraction is a matter of energy.


Date someone you are not attracted to. Your heart, soul, spirit, intuition know what is best.


Date a person your energy, aura and spirit completely melt into, comfortable to spend time getting to know for the time you are with them—even if it’s only through dinner.

We, spiritually in-tune folks require connection in many levels beyond physical: intellectual, energetic, soul, past life and beyond. If you are a fully conscious being, you know when your energy is to another persons, reasons inexplicable to anyone but you.

It is universal karma if you find yourself on a date with a person you are not attracted to, and it is unlikely to have a desirable outcome for both parties. Say, for example, you have been holding out dating to meet the “right one,” you are bored, you are doing the online dating thing (completely admirable) or you believe you are hanging out with friends and find yourself left alone with a person who pounces. Even for people who profess “all love, bliss for the world, we are one,” it is acceptable to be repelled by some or have conflict with others. We cannot be attracted to every single person we meet and depending on beliefs you will end up dating only one partner. Unable to date everyone we must filter.  That is OK. There is nothing inherently wrong with this even if a sweet talking SNAG (Single New Age Girl/ Guy) tells you otherwise.

Have you noticed that “new age girls and guys’ spiritual speak” is becoming exceptionally suave? A crime when wooing us unsuspecting, loving, hopefully, open-hearted souls.

Recently someone with inauthentic motivations attempted to use such hip new age speak on me thinking I did not have the ability to read his energy. Awesome notions if they embody a genuine, heart-felt, soulful connection we have longed for. Not so much if the one talking lacks center, confidence, connection and self-awareness. Sound familiar?  Tune in to your intuition, energy and gut when the Spiritual Speak commences.

“I am a mirror reflecting your soul.”

“We all want to be in relationships where each partner is empowering the other on their path.”

“Our meeting time and again is synchronistic.”

Meanwhile you both live in a community of a few hundred people on a small set of three beaches where you see everyone. All the time.

Lesson #2

Listen to your intuition, it is always right.


Date a person if your intuition says “I have met this person before in other people and it usually goes wrong,” or “I am so not into this person and we have only just met,” or any gut feeling that is off.


Date someone your intuition says “Wow, this is a new, expansive, heart-opening, soul-connected feeling. I want to explore this further.

Lesson #3

Begin with play, exploration and heart.


Pursue anyone whose motivations are ego-driven.


Explore with a person who, while aware of their ego, is connecting with you from their essence.

Divine soul connections provide the space required for love to unfold. This is the place from which deep intimacy can be explored.  When you find this connection, this is a person worth dating. A lasting bond is most likely to flourish if based in play, exploration, expansion, inspiration, creation and growth. Sure ego will arise, old wounds will surface, but by the time they do there is enough soft, cushy foundation on which to land that you will do so with trust and openness.

Lesson #4

Timing is everything when it comes to sharing ourselves and our “stories.”


Date someone who shares every single wounded, unhealed childhood issue on a first date.


Date someone who asks questions showing great interest in you, while showing appropriate boundaries revealing select, relevant parts of themselves at the right moment.

All spiritually inclined people are shaped by their colorful past. Your stories are what lead to your spiritual seeking, what have molded a deep soul worth engaging. While dating, it is important to keep the aspect of divine soul connection and play intact during the discovery phase. In doing so, the process of hearing a person’s stories will naturally unravel over time; like a shiny new present opened at the right moment. Everyone is at a different stage in their healing process.  The more a person identifies with their story, the more they are their story.  Those with greater awareness have the potential to connect from presence, from a place that is deeply rooted in self, rather than ego. If two people are able to meet in a manner of such presence, it is possible to allow give old stories a rest in order to nourish a budding soul connection.

Lesson #5

Numbers don’t matter.


Shy away from dating someone because there is a large age difference: 10, 20, 30 years.


Date someone you are aligned with in all areas, regardless of age.

Photo: Shana Bilfield

While teaching a Japa Meditation/Mala Making Workshop in Thailand this spring, a couple joined my class for a pre-wedding activity. Marrying the following week, the bride wanted her groom to make her a mala necklace while they simultaneously learned to meditate. During our workshop, the couple shared their story of true love: she is 10 years older than him. They met when he was 21, she was 31.

Denying the possibility of a partnership because of the age-gender gap although they felt they were soul mates. 10 years later they wed.

Do not let age stop you. If you think a soul connection is possible, it is.  If you think it is not possible then it is not: you have the power to create your reality.

Lesson #6

Be yourself and the person you are meant to be with will find you. They are looking too.


Be someone you are not, alter your path or live someone you do not want to live in hopes of meeting your soulmate.  This will not serve you or your future partner.



I cannot stress this point enough. Countless times friends around the world have told me to pack it in: maybe you should move back to the US to date, to find a partner. Huh?

Leave my beautiful, free, heart-motivated, love-filled, on-the-path, spiritual awakening journey to find a partner in America?

No offense, I love my home country but I live where and how I live for a reason and it is paying off. I meet souls on similar paths to me routinely, worthy of dating. I would be far less likely to meet individuals whom I connect on such a deep level if I altered my current path simply to find the one. The truth is, it does not matter where in the world you live: Africa, Antarctica, Iceland, India, Bali, you are on your path for a reason, for your reason, for your purpose.  You will date the people interested in the same things you are because you are on your path in the places you most love to reside.  It is a matter of choosing people within your surroundings who uplift your spirit and support your path in the world that is crucial and can be achieved from any locale.

Lesson #7

Shine bright, open your heart and release fear.


Let any spiritual nonsense keep you from dating. A person does not have to be quote-on-quote spiritual to be worthy of dating.


Maintain your path, cleanse your energy, open your chakras and shine!

Your brightness is what attracts special souls into your life. Grounded, centered, in-tune, you will know which people are best to share your time, energy and stories with.

Most deeply spiritual people do not label themselves as such. Healer, yogi, hipster, cyclist, artist, baba, guru, shaman; it is not what someone is, does or claims to be, but rather a person’s essence which makes them who they are. Any savvy spiritual god/goddess knows their soulmate can show up in any physical form, so it is important to maintain your intention, steadiness, path, energy, glow and practices for when this person does cross your path. If you are in-tune and aware, you will have the ability to recognize the one worthy of your time and love when the time is right.

Love yourself and you will be loved.

After all, Universal forces are working on your behalf.


Relephant Read:

10 Tips: If the Buddha gave Dating Advice.

Bonus! How to spot a fundamentally good, genuine person and what to watch out for:

Assistant Ed: Gabriela Magana/Ed: Sara Crolick

{Photo: Ioana Casapu/Unsplash}

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