The Cougar and the Cub: 10 Rules for Dating a Younger Man.

Via Gerry Ellen
on Aug 7, 2013
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While this is no surprise to many, dating or partnering with a younger man is an elixir for an older woman.

No matter the age difference (mine is almost 9 years!), the energy that this man infuses to my life on a daily—no, make that hourly—basis is the epitome of new-found bliss.

Sometimes I find myself figuring out ways to revert to old behaviors and try to squash his enthusiasm. It can’t be done. If a younger man loves an older woman to the core, there’s no stopping the forward momentum on a very exciting path.

Here are the rules. Plain and simple:

1. Be yourself.

Be your older, wiser, intelligent, creative self. A younger man gets inspiration from your evolution into being an older woman. They adore your mind, your ability to make strong decisions, a well-kept body and even a few gray hairs. Just be who you are.

2. Don’t try to appease him by agreeing with everything he says.

He’s younger. He’s learning about what makes you tick. He’s looking up to you in many ways, and admiring the knowledge that you bring to the table. Have your own opinions and share conversation based on opposing ideas. It brings a continual spark to the whole relationship and gives each of you something to always think about.

3. Keep exercising and eating well.

This is a no-brainer, as a younger man wants his older woman to keep up with him, in both word and deed. You know what I’m talking about here. The endorphins need to keep flowing for this partnership to last, and daily exercise and a healthy diet will keep the heart and body on fire.

4. Take Maca.

Maca root is a supplement derived from the jungles of Peru.

This is good for me, as I’m half Peruvian. You would think I had learned this from my native side, but when I discovered the benefits of maca, my libido had a jump start and wasn’t hiding out in some cave anymore.

Maca is available in health food stores, it helps the endocrine system, balances hormones, increases vitality, energy and sexuality in both men and women, and has been my savior since I hit that “change of life” we so often dread in our 50’s. Take maca.

5. Travel together.

Nothing says “romance” like a vacation to a beach resort or any vacation spot where the newness of the environment stirs your souls. It’s as if you have a hall pass to get silly and crazy together.

I might even throw in a road trip or two, just to make sure that we’ve covered all the bases of our togetherness and can actually stand each other after spending so much time in the car. It works. Resorts, motels, cars, airplanes, you name it.

Travel together and the experience of the partnership just went up a notch.

6. Be patient.

Dating a younger man requires patience on all levels—with yourself and your man. My pistons aren’t firing like they were back in my 30’s, but hey, he doesn’t care. As long as I love him and show it, patience comes through in spades.

7. Do yoga and meditate.

A spiritual practice is essential in keeping up with a younger man.

How so? Well, when you are centered and confident and happy, the younger man will follow in your footsteps. He starts to do yoga and meditate. Before long, you are sharing this incredible way of living and the peace and serenity together moves you both forward on a spiritual path.

8. Don’t mother him.

Just because you are older by even a few years, that doesn’t give you a license to nag, obsess, shame or guilt your younger man.

He already has a mother. He doesn’t need another one.

He is with you to share, to love, and to spend quality time together. Mothering is a true recipe for disaster.  And, don’t pick up after him either.  He’s a big boy and can handle his own mess.

9. Be impressed and supportive.

As “cougars”, it’s easy to get carried away with our own agendas completely disregarding what the “cub” brings to the table. Be impressed with him. In every way. Show him support, in work and play. Make your words count, and back them up with action.

Nothing keeps a younger man around more than a supportive older woman who is in awe of his talents and abilities.

10. Keep judgement out of it.

Everyone wants to have a say in the younger man/older woman relationship.

Some have tried it. Some have stuck with it. Some can’t even imagine it. It doesn’t matter. Try not to allow judgement from others sway your love for each other. And, no fair judging each other either.

Sure you have some potential disagreements and conflict. These are just shadows. Resolution is just around the corner.  Be loving, compassionate and respectful.  Older women are smart and savvy. You know what you want.  The younger man loves that confidence.

This is a rather no-nonsense approach to the rules of dating a younger man.

They aren’t for everyone, but as someone who has been in a very rewarding partnership for some time now, I can honestly say that I would never go back. I was always a bit of a late-bloomer, and being with a younger man somehow keeps me in a forever-inspired mode.

It’s as if my emotions woke up, and I have him to thank.

So, to the potential cougar and cub, I say “go for it”. Not only will your body, mind, and soul be rocked, but this path to destiny is the ultimate fulfillment.


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Ed: Cat Beekmans


About Gerry Ellen

Gerry Ellen is an author, freelance writer, and wellness consultant. She recently launched her own gig called *8 Paws Wellness with Gerry Ellen* which combines all of her passions (outdoors, yoga, strength, meditation, writing, dogs, fun!) Her first novel Ripple Effects was published in March 2012. As a regular contributor to elephant journal, Be You Media Group, Light Workers World, Meet Mindful, Tattooed Buddha and Rebelle Society, she also balances incredible friendships, heart-centered connections, and sharing her experiences of life and love. These are the things that matter to her most. Her second book A Big Piece of Driftwood, published in April 2014, is also available on


16 Responses to “The Cougar and the Cub: 10 Rules for Dating a Younger Man.”

  1. Roksana says:

    Great article! I really enjoyed reading it..and simple straight forward *advice* …very useful as I have a tendency to being a cougar.. (it just happens on it's own… consciously i want a man my age…or bit older.. but naturally it happens to connect with younger men)
    Thank you for this awesome, authentic sharing!

  2. Gerry Ellen says:

    Thanks for your feedback, Roksana! Pretty straight up, and although I'm not fond of the meme "cougar" for older women, it was more of a catchy title name. I'd say that my man and I are totally same page on goals, respect, compassion, and everything in between. Age really doesn't matter any way. Love transcends all else 🙂 Thanks again!

  3. Ashley Cook says:

    Thank you! As a 48 year old woman in love with a 24 year old man, I can relate on many levels. It takes courage to love who you love, but it's worth it. Many assume our connection is just sexual. Certainly, there's that element, but there's much, MUCH more. I've found an amazing, mature, sensitive, loving, funny, thoughtful, responsible young man and I wouldn't give up on us for anything! There is no place for insecurity or fear…only honesty and love.

  4. Gerry Ellen says:

    Great feedback, Ashley! Thank YOU.

  5. legalchic7 says:

    I hate that I'm sterotyped (hate "cougar") but if a title must be applied, then I fit the category too, although not always by my own doing. I seem to attract younger men, but hey, I'm not complaining. I neither look nor act my age. I'm 50, but pass for 40 (in looks) and 30s for behavior LOL. Only because I don't buy into the whole "act your age" crap. I act how I feel. I don't need Maca (yet), but I appreciate the tip just the same. Hell, if anything my libido has increased with age (lucky me). I live life without judgment – if a relationship works, great. Too many obstacles to overcome regardless of age differences (either way, whether he's older or she's older). Thanks for the article that speaks to many of us young ladies 🙂

  6. Gerry Ellen says:

    awesome, legalchic7! Sounds like you have found your nirvana. Confidence. Bravo! Thanks for your honest disclosure, as well. Much appreciated.

  7. Spiritual Being says:

    There was a time in my life when I thought I could not date or even see myself with a younger man. Until seven years ago when by chance I got talking to this man who is 11 years my junior. We are soul mates in every sense of the word. He's taught me so much? We argue, we fight! But the most refreshing thing is age does not come into it. If we haven't seen each other for a while! When we meet up its as though we haven't been apart.

  8. Gerry Ellen says:

    Wow, great story! Thanks so much for your sharing.

  9. Ria says:

    Hi Ashley can we talk im 48 and he is 21. Its a lonely road, to communicate with someone who is experiencing the same/similar would be a relief…

  10. Lily says:

    I am 38 and have been in a relationship with a guy who is 18 years younger than me for 1 1/2 years. When we met it was pure electricity. It was as if every cell in my soul lit up. We have so much love between us. I struggle, however. I worry that he is not experienced enough at this point to make a long term commitment and that my being with him will block him. He can’t stand that judgment from me. I am worried that I’ll dive completely in, live with him and make more solid commitments, and he’ll end up leaving. I don’t want to live in fear, and I know I revert to that with him. Any advice from anyone who’s experienced this?

  11. wanda says:

    U go girl/lady i know what u mean. i'am in my 50's and look and can act younger. i felt good and looked good esp when i lose some weight and i had the younger ones looking at me. my libido is very high that i had to ask my doctor was that normal,she said "enjoy b/c that doesn't happen often for ladies my age". i always turned down young men on dating sites but now i feel like i may take that chance?????????. LOL

  12. cougarconnecting2011 says:

    – "Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." – By Aristotle.

    – "I love you very much because with you I found a way to love myself again." – By Attila Jozsef.

    – "The most precious possession that ever comes, To a man in this world, is a woman's heart."- By Josiah G. Holland.

    – "I love you the more that I believe you have liked me for my own sake and for nothing else." – By John Keats

    – "I love thee, I love but thee, with a love that shall not die, till the sun grows cold, and the stars grow old." – By William Shakespeare

    – "I love you – those three words have my life in them." – By Alexandrea.

  13. wanda says:

    Hi Alexandrea, i love Shakespeare and regardless of age true love can't be said any better:-) "LOVE IT"

  14. There was a time in my life when I thought I could not date or even see myself with a younger man. Until seven years ago when by chance I got talking to this man who is 11 years my junior.

  15. Michelle says:

    IMy problem is finding cubs. Any clues?

  16. Lynnie says:

    I am alive, at peace with who I am, and so dislike the horrific names of Cougars and Cubs.
    I am with a younger man, we are both beautiful , passionate ,thoughtful ,intelligent people.
    We are mindful people who happened to love one another, and we’ll be together until one of us passes .
    I am 18 years over and we are truly a romantic love story.