August 8, 2013

The Cougar and the Cub: 10 Rules for Dating a Younger Man.


While this is no surprise to many, dating or partnering with a younger man is an elixir for an older woman.

No matter the age difference (mine is almost 9 years!), the energy that this man infuses to my life on a daily—no, make that hourly—basis is the epitome of new-found bliss.

Sometimes I find myself figuring out ways to revert to old behaviors and try to squash his enthusiasm. It can’t be done. If a younger man loves an older woman to the core, there’s no stopping the forward momentum on a very exciting path.

Here are the rules. Plain and simple:

1. Be yourself.

Be your older, wiser, intelligent, creative self. A younger man gets inspiration from your evolution into being an older woman. They adore your mind, your ability to make strong decisions, a well-kept body and even a few gray hairs. Just be who you are.

2. Don’t try to appease him by agreeing with everything he says.

He’s younger. He’s learning about what makes you tick. He’s looking up to you in many ways, and admiring the knowledge that you bring to the table. Have your own opinions and share conversation based on opposing ideas. It brings a continual spark to the whole relationship and gives each of you something to always think about.

3. Keep exercising and eating well.

This is a no-brainer, as a younger man wants his older woman to keep up with him, in both word and deed. You know what I’m talking about here. The endorphins need to keep flowing for this partnership to last, and daily exercise and a healthy diet will keep the heart and body on fire.

4. Take Maca.

Maca root is a supplement derived from the jungles of Peru.

This is good for me, as I’m half Peruvian. You would think I had learned this from my native side, but when I discovered the benefits of maca, my libido had a jump start and wasn’t hiding out in some cave anymore.

Maca is available in health food stores, it helps the endocrine system, balances hormones, increases vitality, energy and sexuality in both men and women, and has been my savior since I hit that “change of life” we so often dread in our 50’s. Take maca.

5. Travel together.

Nothing says “romance” like a vacation to a beach resort or any vacation spot where the newness of the environment stirs your souls. It’s as if you have a hall pass to get silly and crazy together.

I might even throw in a road trip or two, just to make sure that we’ve covered all the bases of our togetherness and can actually stand each other after spending so much time in the car. It works. Resorts, motels, cars, airplanes, you name it.

Travel together and the experience of the partnership just went up a notch.

6. Be patient.

Dating a younger man requires patience on all levels—with yourself and your man. My pistons aren’t firing like they were back in my 30’s, but hey, he doesn’t care. As long as I love him and show it, patience comes through in spades.

7. Do yoga and meditate.

A spiritual practice is essential in keeping up with a younger man.

How so? Well, when you are centered and confident and happy, the younger man will follow in your footsteps. He starts to do yoga and meditate. Before long, you are sharing this incredible way of living and the peace and serenity together moves you both forward on a spiritual path.

8. Don’t mother him.

Just because you are older by even a few years, that doesn’t give you a license to nag, obsess, shame or guilt your younger man.

He already has a mother. He doesn’t need another one.

He is with you to share, to love, and to spend quality time together. Mothering is a true recipe for disaster.  And, don’t pick up after him either.  He’s a big boy and can handle his own mess.

9. Be impressed and supportive.

As “cougars”, it’s easy to get carried away with our own agendas completely disregarding what the “cub” brings to the table. Be impressed with him. In every way. Show him support, in work and play. Make your words count, and back them up with action.

Nothing keeps a younger man around more than a supportive older woman who is in awe of his talents and abilities.

10. Keep judgement out of it.

Everyone wants to have a say in the younger man/older woman relationship.

Some have tried it. Some have stuck with it. Some can’t even imagine it. It doesn’t matter. Try not to allow judgement from others sway your love for each other. And, no fair judging each other either.

Sure you have some potential disagreements and conflict. These are just shadows. Resolution is just around the corner.  Be loving, compassionate and respectful.  Older women are smart and savvy. You know what you want.  The younger man loves that confidence.

This is a rather no-nonsense approach to the rules of dating a younger man.

They aren’t for everyone, but as someone who has been in a very rewarding partnership for some time now, I can honestly say that I would never go back. I was always a bit of a late-bloomer, and being with a younger man somehow keeps me in a forever-inspired mode.

It’s as if my emotions woke up, and I have him to thank.

So, to the potential cougar and cub, I say “go for it”. Not only will your body, mind, and soul be rocked, but this path to destiny is the ultimate fulfillment.


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Ed: Catherine Monkman

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