Green Eggs & Consent.

It’s possible that I spend too much time thinking about consent, safe sexuality, communication and the impact of media on our children.

Because, well, as I was putting the three year-old down for a nap, and reading Green Eggs and Ham for the 18 Millionth time, I thought to myself, “Damn, that Sam I Am has real consent issues.” And as I was reading, this is what came out:

Oh Sam, oh Sam
yes, there you are,
but Sam, this time
you have gone too Far,
What will it take to get you to go?
How many times do I have to say “No?”

You’ve told me with your little wink,
you’ve told me of the things  you think.
You’ve paid no mind to what I’ve said,
Thought not once ’bout what’s in my head.
Which really, Sam, is quite absurd,
Seeing as I’ve use my words.

Each time you’ve told me what you want to do,
I’ve said, “no, not with me, not with you.”
Yet you get more persistent,
Despite my increased insistence,
that I do not want to do those things with you!

I appreciate how creative you are,
that you think we could do that in your little car,
Or that if I get upside down
You can get inside my gown.
I understand that you are lonely,
Know what you mean by “ride me like a pony,”
But that doesn’t change the simple truth
That your incessant attempts are more than just a bit uncouth.
They are rude and selfish, frightening and berating
So listen to this tale that I am relating.

When I say “no” it does not mean “try harder,”
“No” does not mean, “try to out smart her.”
“No” means no, it means go away,
It does not mean come back another day.

It does not mean “offer her a prize”
Or “try some more creative lies.”

It does not mean suggest a grander scheme,
It does not mean things aren’t what they seem.

Do I seem oh so stubborn to you?
Because I don’t want to do those things you do?

Well guess what, Sam I am?

I have that right.

I have that right right now, tonight.
And it does not mean that I am uptight.
It means that I know what I want to do and with who
and that  you are not the who that I want to do those things to.

So you can take your green eggs and even your hams
And slip them inside someone else’s gams.
Because mine are just for those who will listen
And not while smacking their lips til they glisten,
But actually listen to the words that I say,
And respect them enough to know that I get my way.

At least with my body, every damn day.

So, for the very last time,
No matter how you whine,
You are not the he that I want to do those things to me,
Not in a car, not in a bar, not if you were a fucking super star.
I do not have to explain myself to you,
I do not care what you do, or with who,
I do not care how great they say you do the things you did with they,
All I care is that you go away.

Because I said No, I said it that way.
I said it with a smile, I said it with my inside voice
what I do with my body is totally my choice.
I asked you please to go away
and that is what you need to do
Because I can do whatever I want, and not with you.

I’m sorry if your ego now is bent,
But Sam, this is what we call consent.

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Ed: Catherine Monkman

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Alyssa Royse

Alyssa Royse is a hot mama in her 40s raising a teenage daughter and two young step-daughters. She’s a veteran entrepreneur, journalist and PR hack who is now working entirely to promote healthy sexual freedom for all humans—because sexual agency is a human right, and also an important part of health and wellness. A popular speaker and guest writer, she can be found most often on her eponymous blog, AlyssaRoyse.com and as the co-host of the weekly radio show Sexxx Talk Radio on The Progressive Radio Network. (Downloads available on both prn.fm and iTunes.) When she’s not thinking and writing about sex, she’s generally playing with her big, queer, bi-racial family, traveling, reading or at the CrossFit gym sweating. Yes, she would probably love to come speak at your conference, or write something for you, contact info is on her blog.