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September 17, 2013

Love Hate.

“Love loves to love love.” ~ James Joyce, Ulysses

I have a love/hate relationship with many things. Including technology in general and Facebook, specifically. And elephant journal. And myself. And the world.

This week, my laptop decided to quit working. However, I did buy myself an iPad mini off craigslist in June. And it came with a nifty Bluetooth keyboard. So I used it for everything all summer in my travels—reading, writing, listening to music, watching videos, playing games, taking pictures.

I love my iPad mini. I love Apple. I also hate Apple. Their stuff is expensive and I cannot handle the Apple Store experience; it makes my skin crawl.

I love the internet. It’s astonishingly helpful and vast and eclectic. I also hate the internet. It’s super addictive, can easily become a crutch and a waste of time.

I love and hate elephant journal. It’s the best, and the worst. I love how diverse and progressive it is. I love the quantity of articles and blogs and poems. I love the creativity and openness. I love writing for and reading it.

I hate it too. I hate the blogs about celebrities that get a zillion views. I hate the bloggers who are better than me. (I am envious of them.) I hate the videos. I hate the comment-section haters. I hate the cute, sexy, kitten blogs.

I love myself. I know I am a worthy person; everyone is. I am a unique snowflake. I love being me, a woman who feels like a girl, a yogini who prefers the word yogi, a writer, a mama, a mujer.

I hate myself. I can’t believe how much I suck. I hate my flabby parts and ugly flaws. I hate my hate, which of course works well, since hate loves to hate.

I love you. You are brilliant and amazing and so beautiful in every way. I love your mind and body. I love your soul and spirit. I love you so much it hurts. I love everything about you, unconditionally.

I hate you too though. As they say, there’s a thin line between love and hate. I hate how much better you are than me. I hate your perfection which only exists in my mind. I hate your snootiness, your scowl. I hate how you make me behave.

Sometimes, I hate the world.

My aspiration every day is to love more and hate less. As Martin Luther King said, “Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”

Like elephant love on Facebook.

Ed: Sara Crolick

{photo: via pixoto}

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Michelle Margaret Fajkus

Michelle Margaret is a heart-centered writer, teacher and creator of Yoga Freedom.

She has been a columnist on Elephant Journal since 2010 and has self-published inspiring books. She incorporates dharma, hatha, yin, mindfulness, chakras, chanting and pranayama into her teachings and practice. A former advertising copywriter and elementary school teacher, she is now a freelance writer and translator. Michelle learned yoga from a book at age 12 and started teaching at 22. She met the Buddha in California at 23 and has been a student of the dharma ever since. Michelle is now approaching her forties with grace and gratitude.

Join Michelle for a writing and yoga retreat this summer at magical Lake Atitlan in the western highlands of Guatemala!