September 20, 2013

Today, I Want to Be in Solitude. ~ Renee Bannon

You know those days where something is just off?

Woke up this way. Your energy is a lower than usual. Your thoughts are a little more doubtful and negative. Your physical appearance is hiding under those comfy pants and old college t-shirts. You just feel blah about the present. It’s not the sickness blah either—it’s the life blah.

I find myself questioning what I am doing and where I am at in my life.

I am just still, motionless in my thoughts and actions.

What are the causes for these days? What triggers them and brings them about? Was it something in my dream? A conversation I had yesterday? A thought that has been lingering? An urge I have been suppressing for some time now?

Before, I would fight against it. Tell myself “no.” This day is not going to happen. I am bigger than it! I will push through it! I am mentally stronger! And that worked for a short period of time but then they just started coming back faster and stronger… Then one day I decided to surrender and do nothing.

I laid there staring at the ceiling. I took a mental health day from the world outside of my bedroom. I acknowledged what I was experiencing instead of bypassing it like it didn’t exist. I chose to be completely in it. I felt all the emotions and listened to all the thoughts that were coming to fruition. I cried. I screamed. I laughed. I realized. I understood. I found the root cause.

Surrendering helped me find a deeper problem hidden inside. Listening to myself helped me find a solution. Being mentally present in this emotional day showed me that a change was needed in my life.

Sometimes in life I have to just be still and listen to myself. My subconscious may be trying to tell my conscious mind something that I don’t want to acknowledge because of fear, discomfort or uncertainty. I believe that it is through these days they are trying to communicate with each other; to bring to light a deeper more pressing issue that needs some direct-uninterrupted attention.

So on those days when we are experiencing that urge to be alone, let’s do just that.

Don’t just think of it as “oh, I’m in a funk” and keep pushing on through the day(s) but rather explore it. Let’s try to find the reason this is happening within ourselves. Let’s go deeper inside our core and see if there is an underlying issue or if something is lacking in a certain area. Let’s find the answers and become more conscious and intentional living beings.

This day might be just want we needed to gain some constructive perspective on our life.

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Assistant Editor: Gabriela Magana/Editor: Bryonie Wise

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