I don’t love this video because I relate to how hard it was to come out of the closet as bisexual.
(Not for others, but for me).
I don’t even love this video because I understand how tough stereotypes can be to live with—even within the GLBTQ community.
It’s confusing for some to comprehend the ability to be sexually attracted to both genders. And it’s not a percentage, half and half, cut and dry, measurable attraction sort of thing that so many have asked for me to “clear up,” for them. My bisexuality simply can’t be answered with, “I’m more attracted to men and that’s why I’m married to a man,” because it’s not that black and white, and it’s not true that there is a stronger attraction for one over the other—at least not for me.
This video sparks a huge fire. She asks us to burn away the impurities that are created through the stress we allow by staying in our closets. She speaks to the need to identify those hidden aspects of ourselves that need to come into the light.
She gives three tips in the end that are priceless, to use for anything tough we need to address in our lives that isn’t easy to be open about: “three pancake principles.”
1. Be authentic.
2. Be direct.
3. Be unapologetic.
Being ourselves, our most honest self, and actually being happy about who we are is the bravest act a person can do for themselves and others.
When we come clean, and are as direct as possible (without being forceful) when we need to state our needs, we empower ourselves and the person on the receiving end can be more easily supportive of our needs, but if we’re wishy-washy others may then try to impose their agenda or input upon us and try to persuade us to being something we’re not for their own comfort levels.
Also, we need not apologize for our truths.
At those times when we’re stating our needs, we need not be apologetic for who we are, or how we identify, or what we may need in order to live a more authentic and truthful life. It can be the hardest thing in the world to end a relationship that isn’t working, and often we stay in relationships much longer than we should, where the connection is no longer serving either person in a positive way. We need not apologize for needing to change, reserve apologies when you’ve truly done something wrong or hurtful. Change often hurts, growing pains can hurt, but true liberation comes when we honor our innermost needs, and live from our most authentic self.
I am proud of my connection to the GLBTQ community and I own the “B” designation, and fight the invisibility factor that comes with being bisexual. And it’s why I do my best to bring more visibility and also with hopes to create more acceptance for our diversity rather than mere tolerance.
Truly, the video, is less about sexual identity, she simply uses “coming out,” as a metaphor, as an example, explaining and addressing the human condition to live in a closet, with fears so great we can barely breathe, because of our “fight,” or “flight,” responses.
We often find ourselves inside those dark places, when we truly don’t want or need to be there, and it addresses, quite touchingly, how nobody should continue living in that darkness because by staying there we walk ourselves towards sickness—even death.
Everyone’s closet is different, some are filled with being afraid to tell someone they are no longer in love with them, some have to come clean about having cheated on their mate, some hide in the closet with sickness until it’s too late to get help. Whatever your closet, come out, because after you do, you realize it’s easier living out of it than in it.
Lastly, seeing Mr. Rogers, “Won’t you be my neighbor,” flipping the bird at the end of the video is priceless.
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Editor: Catherine Monkman