November 20, 2013

That Sound We Hear in Lululemon is…Crickets. No, it’s Thighs!


Relephant reads:

In Defense of Lululemon’s CEO, Chip Wilson.

Now it’s Pickles that are Making Us Fat? 

This is What a Real Yoga Body Looks Like.

I have been trying hard.

Really freaking hard.

Sooooo hard, that honestly I think I’m getting a headache from trying so hard to keep my mouth shut!

But come on. When Stephen Colbert gets on Lululemon, you know I have to take notice.

So please don’t remind me that I don’t hate Lululemon. I’m over that they don’t have older ambassadors. I’m over that they don’t have larger sizes. I’m over the off-shore sweatshops and un-environmental clothing and the Ayn Rand marketing of “rational egoism,” and honestly I don’t know what-the-frig that is except yogis don’t like the ego.

I don’t care that their pants are transparent because my classes are finally full of men. Yee-hah, watch me bend over and pay at the door.

I’m even over the anti-Asian intention behind their name, which was chosen because it is so fun to hear people say, “Ru-Ru-Remon.”

As Colbert said, “Hirarious.”

I am even over when the sales clerks say, “You teach yoga? That is so great. I have to let my mom know.”

Oh honey. Don’t stop there. Tell your grandmother. Call AARP.

After all that, here’s the thing that is giving me a bit of a headache these days: I got some bad ass legs.

Yes, I am on the small side but I have big-boned, strong, athletic, earth-shaking, pioneer woman legs. I got the kind of legs that settled the west. They can climb up mountains and ski down the bumps—all day long. I have ridden racehorses in Alabama and waterskied over the lakes in Montana.

I can hold Utkatasana forever. The yoga pose astavakrasana is my b*tch.  My legs are large and in charge. I have the kind of legs that a sane person does not mess with.

For years I was embarrassed by the raw power associated with a woman who has bad ass legs. I used to hide my thighs under tunics and dresses. Then I met a man who said, “My God I love your thighs.” He didn’t say “legs,” he said “thighs.”

So I married him.

(That’s a totally true story but he may have been drunk at the time.)

Therefore, when the founder of Lululemon said that the problem with their $98 pants isn’t with the product but with the size of the women who wear them and their big old legs that rub together, I think he is speaking to me.

But now I want to thank Chip Wilson, who will probably never know the pleasure of having a pair of pioneer woman legs wrapped around him. Thank you—and I mean it because you have helped me realize that I am no longer ashamed of my mamma-jamma jambons.

My thighs are big.

It’s true that I cannot wear Wunder Unders ™—not because I’m too heavy, but because I look like a buffalo balancing on a pogo stick.

What’s more, my thighs rub together, in stockings they sound like crickets, and that’s music to my ears.

My version of the Led Zeppelin song goes like this:

“Hey Hey Chip you know, I got some news.

I’m a big-legged woman and I don’t wear your Grooves ™.”

Somebody call the Colbert show—I think I have a gig he’d be interested in.

The Colbert Report
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Ed: Bryonie Wise

Photo: WikiCommons


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Alex Duchscher Nov 22, 2013 10:08am

Couldn’t agree more! Preach it, sister!

Molly Nov 21, 2013 3:56pm

I love this! I am from MT and petite but grew up ripping down mountains and climbing up them through two feet of snow. In Montana women are celebrated for having strong bodies; but living in NY and working in fashion is a very different story, so it always nice to be reminded of how amazing strong bodies are. Thank you!

Vikki Nov 21, 2013 12:32am

I was reading this article and thought,”wow! This sounds like Michelle!” I love it … Thank you Michelle. I was smiling all the way through it. You go girl! Gosh, I miss you!!!!! Such a great teacher!!!

🙂 Vikki

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Michelle Marchildon

Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s an award-winning journalist, and the author of Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser and Stronger through Yoga. Her second book, Theme Weaver: Connect the Power of Inspiration to Teaching Yoga, is for yoga teachers who want to inspire their students. Michelle is a columnist for elephant journal and Origin Magazine and a contributor to Teachasana, My Yoga Online and Yoga Journal. She is an E-RYT 500 with Yoga Alliance and teaches in Denver, Co where she is busy raising two boys, two dogs and one husband. You can follow her on Facebook at Michelle Marchildon, The Yogi Muse. You can find her blog and website at www.YogiMuse.com. And you can take her classes on www.yogadownload.com.