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December 19, 2013

Dear Santa: Please Bring Me Underoos. ~ Jennifer Moore

Dear Santa, I know last week I said a wanted a snow shovel, but what I really need are Wonder Woman Underoos.

Money is tight and the pressure is intense. Bills to be paid, a sink full of dishes…my house looks like squatters live here. I need superpower to plow through all this. I want to play ABBA and dance on the pool table in a boa and Underoos like I did when I was 7. I need to feel free, without worry. I spend a lot of time being serious, dealing with issues. I am ready to embrace life again and have fun.

And I want to do this wearing superhero underwear under my regular clothes.

You are magic, so this maybe difficult for you to understand. You may be wondering why I don’t just embrace my inherent feminine power and wear regular underwear. I am already doing that you see. I practice yoga and focus on the positive. I strive to be the change I want to see. I remind myself daily that everything that needs to be done is. Today it hit me…Underoos are ridiculously fun. I need ridiculously fun right now. I need nonsense.

I don’t just need to be a super woman—I need to dress like Wonder Woman.

I am a petite woman so I think the girl’s large will fit me fine. I did a little research online and I found my google searches for adult Underoos to be creepy. I am not going for creepy. And I promise the pool table reference is purely symbolic. In no way will I tarnish the purity of my childhood memory by showing up at the local bar in girl’s panties and dancing on the pool table on Christmas Day. Not that anyone would guess Santa was partly responsible if I did.

If it is not too much to ask, please bring the snow shovel too. I am going to cue up Dean Martin on my iPod, unleash my inner feminine power and shovel myself out of all this mess wearing a smile (and my Wonder Woman Underoos).

Merry Christmas,

Jennifer

P.S. There has been a lot of discussion lately around “Merry Christmas” or the more universally acceptable “Happy Holidays.” Given that you are Santa, I assume you are comfortable with my closing. It comes from a place of love and genuine gratitude. Fly safely.

 

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Assistant Editor: Jennifer Moore/Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: Jennifer Moore

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