I’m terrified of being.
Of being who I’ve always seen myself as—beautiful, strong, independent, successful. And maybe I’ve been seeking out those who confirm that for me, enabling me to hide, to hold me down, to help me settle for less than what is possible.
I’ve been gravitating towards people who confirm my fear and enable it. I’ve been pulled into situations that help intensify and validate my constant acts of self-sabotage, because it’s what I’ve wanted. I let fear push all of my passions to the back burner and allow me to settle for what I perceive as normalcy.
But I’ve never been content with normalcy.
Actually, up until this point, I’ve never been content with anything. I kept searching for things to create that feeling, and when I did start to feel it, I’d turn my back because it was too much to handle. Too much to hold. Too much to see.
Feelings of contentment signify you’ve come that much closer to living your truth. And that can be scary as hell sometimes, especially when all you’ve ever done is run and cover your ears when ever you feel or hear anything that means you’re coming into yourself.
Why? The big R word—Responsibility. Once you realize what you’re capable of and get a glimpse of what your purpose here is, then you’re faced with a mission; a mission that you always have the choice to embrace or walk away from. Embracing means expansion, growth, success, fulfillment—all those things we all want but deep down, may be terrified of actually accepting.
And there’s that other word—acceptance. Accepting yourself, flaws and strengths, beautiful and human. Accepting the fact that you do have a gift—everyone does—and it’s worth something. You’re worth something.
You’re worthy. No matter what anyone has told you or how you’ve allowed them to make you feel or better yet, no matter what you have told yourself or whatever lies you’ve whispered in your own ear just to keep yourself from rising and blooming and being the out-of-this-galaxy laser beam of light that you are—you are worthy.
We all are. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be here. Period. It’s such a simple truth and so easy to overlook. If each and every one of us wasn’t meant to be something, we simply wouldn’t be. It’s really that cut and dry.
That’s why it’s so important to embrace truth, embrace yourself. Embrace your past so that you can let it go. Embrace the present so you can truly be present and experience all of this. Everything. Embrace everything now so that 20, 30 years down the line, you can look back without regret, knowing that you felt this life, lived this life and contributed to this life.
Embrace yourself so that you dance the breath of life into action, ensuring the creation of a future worth living for.
Hold onto the moments where you feel good. Really good. Like your entire being is buzzing and vibrating and pulsating and thriving—become the energy of thriving. Become the best vision you’ve always held for yourself. See yourself exploring, expanding and expressing yourself to the fullest. Hold truth in your hand and offer it to your heart so you can know relief. Let light break through every clogged pore and corroded artery and clear a passage through the grime. Release that grime – blast through it. Don’t let it weigh you down anymore. You know that feeling you get after having a life-changing epiphany?
That lightness, like the unbearable weight of confusion and indecision has been lifted, leaving you, however fleetingly, feeling like you know you’re meant to feel all the time.
Hold onto those moments. Let them flow through your veins and your skin and your fingertips. Do everything you can to feel that way so that you can feel that way more and more and more until you realize it’s OK to feel that way. That it’s natural to feel that way.
We’re meant to feel that way. That tension simmering, just below the surface…feel that? That’s everything we’ve been denying, bubbling and ready to explode from our chests, blowing our hearts into oblivion, forcing the creation of a new mosaic, a new way to feel and taste our lives. It’s electric love and pure ecstasy—we hold it in, hold it at bay out of fear. Fear that we don’t deserve to be happy. Fear of what could happen if we were happy.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing.
We’re constantly running away from and chasing after our truth. It’s the most epic, most torturous, most ironic game ever invented, and we all play it. All of us. It’s just another spoke in the wheel of our human experience, and a necessary one. It helps us evolve. It presents us with all of the experiences, good and bad, that we need to make our way to contentment. To peace. To home.
“That’s where it starts. That’s where it ends”. ~ Silversun Pickups
We’re all making our way home. It’s just a matter of what home holds for us that determines what we create, who we effect and who we become on our way there. And really, home is already here in everything we do, every word we speak, every gesture we make, every embrace we accept.
Home is within and around us, and the moment we realize that – truly realize that is the moment that we allow the noise to be turned down and the truth to be turned up.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Bryonie Wise
Photo: elephant archives