January 27, 2014

The Unknown Ecstasy of Oblivion. ~ Jillian Locke

There is a massive shift underway.

The energy is shifting within me.

I’m coming into myself, into my power, and the ones who support it are perking up, taking notice, confirming the change. Where once there was desperation and a need to be seen, I now find contentment in my belly, my womb. More and more, I’m tapping into the power inside of me, unleashing it, letting it flow through my veins, my cells, my pores. Exuding it, releasing it and unleashing it into the universe.

This is good. The universe loves this energy, wants this positive affirmation of self love and respect. My eyes have been opened through several different instances and incidents and portals and gateways, and now my body—my soul—is following suit. Something has clicked, a switch has been flipped and with it, all the lights have been turned on. The glow is blinding, strong enough to drive the darkness away.

All the fear, all the guilt, everything that held me back from myself is fleeing in the face of this new light. This old light, this buried light, this light that was there all along just waiting to be acknowledged and nurtured.

This glowing, radiating, pulsating orb that’s been resting in the shell of my belly; the creamy pearl that’s been patiently cooing and caressing my bleeding, wounded womb into healing. This small yet exceptionally powerful ball of light that never gave up on me vibrates now, calling to me…calling beyond me.

It’s awakening the warrior goddess within; my gypsy soul. It’s breathing life into my tired spark, guiding me through the seven gates of hell; guiding me through the arduous process of shedding my layers, one tattered garment at a time.

Whenever a warrior decides to do something, she must take responsibility for what she does. No matter what she does, she must know first why she is doing it, and then she must proceed with her actions without having doubts or remorse about them. ~ Carlos Castaneda

It’s helping me get comfortable with being naked, being vulnerable, spilling my guts. Because therein lies the greatest strength; fierce strength comes through naked comfort and complete vulnerability. No more apologies for my beauty and power; no more guilt for the galaxy of potential and light that’s been swirling through my body, just waiting for my physical self to catch up to my spiritual self. Waiting for me to come home, to cut the ties that bound me, to dislodge myself from the convoluted depths, drowning me in lies. Drowning me in deceit. Self-deceit.

My eyes are open. My heart is healing. My body is awakening. My energy…my power…is activating. Focus is igniting and with it, purpose. Drive. Unparalleled, unwavering drive. Nothing’s going to stop me and nothing will get in my way—not old fear, not old trepidation, not old doubt. We’ve shared our last nightcap, our last whispering nightmares. No more.

Now is the time, the time for all the seeds I’ve sewn and all the ground work I’ve laid to start to flourish and support everything I’ve ever known I am…everything I’m here to accomplish, create and release. Everything I’ve ever felt I’m capable of; a world of creation, a gust of inspiration, a ray of impenetrable motivation.

My stomach is moaning, growling. My confirmation. My soul is resting, my stomach, digesting. The warrior within is celebrating this passage through the gate, this initiation. Nothing will ever be the same from now on. There will be no turning around, no looking back. With faded and fresh scars joining hands, I walk through this passage, equipped with nothing, which is exactly everything I need to completely, unabashedly take these first steps into the unknown…

I’ve reached my cliff, and I’m stepping into the glorious, unknown ecstasy of oblivion…

I’ve never felt so at peace. I’ve never felt so at home. I hope I never, ever know the exquisite pain, the inescapable doom, the suffocating heaviness of certainty, ever again.

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Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: Pixoto

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