February 4, 2014

Are we Drama-Phobic?

Photo by: judacoregio

Some of us wear a crown that says, “I don’t engage in drama, it’s others who create it.”

Usually those who believe they don’t create it are the fire-starters.

When it smells like drama, what do we do?

We all get upset.

Venting can enable clearer thinking.

Drama is about the details,venting is about clearing space to create from, whether it’s acceptance or a solution.

Once we’ve vented, it’s easier to focus on making a decision or taking action. Moving through disappointment, enables us to feel better.

Drama is a state of inaction. It’s a merry-go-round of details. It’s wanting others to act differently or complaining hoping it will change something! Drama focuses on disempowering feelings. People remain stuck in drama for years, with no change.

Here are some ways to disengage from drama:

1) Do we have to engage?

Hell no! If someone’s feeling bad about something in their life, we don’t have to save them. We don’t need to sacrifice ourselves as the do-gooder! We can listen, and not give advice. No commiserating. This person really doesn’t want to feel better, they just want to complain or revel in their soap opera.

2) Don’t take it personally.

When someone is freaking out, is our first reaction, “What did I do?” Perhaps, it’s about someone or something else and we breathe a sigh of relief. We don’t help by engaging, so as to keep the focus off us. Don’t try to fix. Just listen, give no advice or let go.

3) Protection.

We can’t protect someone from him or herself, especially if they live in a dramatic arc at all times. We cannot fight their battles, because it’d take their fun away! We can’t protect them, as drama and struggle are a way of life.

4) What to do when it’s about us.

We have a choice: engage in the drama of poor communication or take a step back. Taking a step back, gives some clarity and perhaps a way to see if there’s a possibility for solution-oriented communication. If not, then let it go, until the other person can engage without drama, or not.

5) Giving meaning to what happens outside of us.

If we define ourselves through experiences, we’ll always feel untethered. We’ll believe that something or someone else has our power, so we’ll create drama, because we want to feel better. Except we don’t. It helps to be mindful of what’s really going on, while not making it about us.

6) Being a nice girl/guy.

Most nice people are quietly percolating inside, looking at how ungrateful others are to them. They feel used, abused and taken for granted. If we give freely, we’ll feel good and won’t look for validation. If we do it to be liked, loved or approved of, resentment builds that’ll sooner or later turn into some drama. Paying attention to our actions, makes it easier to stay in alignment with what’s true for us.

7) Speak up.

Everything we don’t say shows up in some dramatic fashion. Drama isn’t always a freak out, sometimes it’s silence and distance. Drama may result from inauthenticity. By our inaction, we may create drama to force our mate to break up with us. It’s time to speak up, there will be change and discomfort, but there’s also freedom from guilt too.

8) Avoid the drama of self-absorption.

Everything we do is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. If I believe that someone does something, because of me, I stay in reaction. If I focus on how someone wronged me in mind, purposely, I’m screwed. Focusing on what we want, not what others do or don’t give to us, will create well-being. Give up reaction, it feels better.

9) Take responsibility.

Ignoring the little voice within when we have no courage to speak the truth (see above), and act without conscience is to create drama. Falsely, appearing innocent and not taking responsibility for our own actions, is allowing fear to run our lives. Listening to our inner wisdom provides helpful guidance.

10) Don’t Over-think, blame or analyze.

Creating future fictional stories, states, “I’m going to strategize to keep my inauthentic drama as a focus and hold others accountable to it.” Setting our thoughts free from this type of talk feels good, instead of spending time creating mental drama. Live in the present and be real. There are obstacles, but focusing on living now, stops the drama in our brains.

This is just a start to a less dramatic life, start today!


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Editor: Rachel Nussbaum

Photo: judacoregio

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