February 1, 2014

Broken Vows, Renewed Connection. ~ Kerry Elam


Divorce or break-up…the commitment between two people is broken.

I have been on a journey of unconditional love that shifted a broken relationship into one of success. My friends are inspired; they keep telling me to write about my divorce and the healthy relationship my ex and I have created.

It truly is a miracle to be where we are right now. We salvaged our relationship for the sake of our sanity and to be a positive role models for our children. Here’s how we did it:

1. Renewed commitment.

Make a choice to move forward in the relationship in a positive light. We share part of the journey in our intimate relationships. When we make the decision to move on, we have a tendency to block people out. That bond will never go away—so embrace the connection.

2. Remember elements of love.

Focus on the positive traits and praise those. In my case, my life partner is the most trust worthy and reliable person I know; I can count on him in any situation. When I realized this gift from him, I saw him in a new light and my appreciation radiated.

3. Continue to care for each other.

When I had the epiphany that it was in my best interest to continue to support and nurture him, I was supported and nurtured. We know giving and loving is the best medicine, even though it can be challenging in a break-up. I still make him goodies, give him thoughtful gifts and schedule massages when I know he is stressed out. Those on the outside find it hard to believe, yet I get it all back tenfold. When we have a snowstorm, my driveway is shoveled and salted the same day.

4. Nourish the family.

We all desire community, and for many that is our family. In marriage, we share each other’s families. My sister-in-law is one of my best friends; I cherish our connection. When children are involved, we do things as a family to allow them to witness the teamwork. Children have an unconditional love for their parents and by spending time as a family, we share a lesson in allowing people to be who they are.

5. Communicate.

This is a daily practice and takes commitment. We can benefit by taking time to be open and honest. I was not doing this and in return, I was the one left feeling empty. Once I started telling him about work, relationships, sharing silly stories, he opened up as well. It is a win/win scenario. When kids are part of the equation, taking time to share a photo or video can create a positive vibe.

We are truly served by embracing a giving attitude. It is not easy; it takes work, commitment, accountability and a ton of love. All this hard work will give us more reward and contentment than we can imagine.

We may have failed in the marriage, but we can excel as a family.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

Assistant Editor: Jennifer Moore/ Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: Jennifer Moore

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Kerry Elam