10 Editor's Pick
February 12, 2014

How to Lose the Woman you Love for Good: 9 Mistakes all Men should Avoid.

While most women won’t let go easily or without great effort to save your sinking ship, there are a few ways to lose the woman you love forever.

Be smart, avoid making these mistakes, and your relationship may stand a chance.

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~ Pablo Picasso

Picasso’s artistic style changed over periods of time that could be marked by the phases of his heart. His blue/green period arrived after the suicidal death of his friend Carlos Casagemas, while his rose period gave birth along with his love for bohemian artist Fernande Olivier.

We’re all artists when it comes to creating our own life, and while we know that love is the greatest gift we can give, and the greatest gift to receive, keeping love alive in the midst of time’s inevitable wear and tear is the real art we need to master.

A woman’s love won’t let go easily once your face has embedded itself inside her heart—and because of this, her loyalty can last far longer than it realistically should.

We’ve all seen this as we shake our heads and silently wish a female friend would just dump the bloke once and for all.

1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes.

Women fall in love over the little things.

Movies may lead us to believe that grand gestures are the way into a woman’s heart, but it’s the little things you do that sink a hook deep into her psyche. Holding her hand for no reason and looking into her eyes when you talk to her activates feelings of her mattering to you. Touching her hair, letting distractions pass when she’s talking, and kissing her goodbye are the golden moments she lingers over in her mind’s eye when you’re away.

We all know the quickest way to kill love is to take someone for granted, and the first thing to go when you wander down that dead end path are the little gestures. Lead her down this alley and you won’t be able to find her on your return.

2. Don’t ask her questions or try to get to know her.

Let her beauty and what you think she can offer you drive your attention. Once she realizes you don’t really know her, understand where she’s been, or hold any of her secrets, she’ll realize she doesn’t matter to you and she will leave.

For a short period of time, you might be able to hold her attention through flattery of her physical appearance, but women are smart and they’ll eventually sense the emptiness of your connection. While knowing that you are attracted to her unique beauty is important, your focus on her appearance throws you back into the pack of the many others she encounters in her world who mean nothing to her heart.

3. Don’t listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she’s sharing her heart with corrections to her way of thinking and answers for her problems.

We solve problems and soothe their own stress by talking to someone who will listen.

If you don’t hear her out, she will talk faster and faster repeating herself over and over again, getting louder and more emotional until…she just finally stops trying. At that point, the sound of her silence will let you know that while she may still be sitting in front of you, her exit is looming.

4. Don’t allow her to feel safe and relax into your love.

Get defensive when she questions you and refuse to accept that women step closer by testing the water.

When a woman is falling deeper into love with you she will push back a bit, test you and question your actions, words and motives to see if you’re the real deal. Whether you’ve been together for a month or for decades, this testing never stops. A man who has the ability to keep his woman, lets these tests and these questions roll off his back, calmly knowing they have nothing to do with him and everything to do with his woman stepping closer.

5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger.

We’ve all been hurt, we all have fears and we all have tender spots that need extra T.L.C., but if you haven’t healed your past pain, you will be like a newly-formed blister, overly tender to every brush of contact. Ignore your own issues and instead react to everything she might say or do with gusto as though it were a personal attack planned to orchestrate an insulting demise on your manhood, and soon your pain will be spared forever.

6. Don’t make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she’s your woman.

Keep your options open through regular flirtations and intimate sharing with other females and remember to hold nothing but sex special between the two of you.

Intimacy literally translates as: into you I see. By keeping the doorway open to many others through Facebook flirts and cute little texts, you’ll ensure that there’s nothing special between the two of you other than sex.

Over time, she’ll slowly fade into the same creamy vanilla flavor of your many other intimate connections.

7. Make sex your be-all and end-all expression of love.

Stop kissing her for no reason other than to initiate sex so when you do kiss her, if she’s not feeling in the mood for sex, she won’t respond.

Don’t caress her outside of the bedroom, and don’t flirt with her or seduce her throughout the day like you used to, but always expect her to respond to you as passionately as ever.

8. Stop joking or making her laugh.

Humor is the glue that keeps couples together and happy for the long haul. Start taking yourself really seriously so that every joke is a personal dig, and ignore the little things that might make you both laugh by not being present in the moment with her.

Let yourself be preoccupied by what’s really important in your world and ignore the silly little things you used to laugh about. Over time, she will give you the room you thought you wanted when you were just too busy to play.

9. Disengage when you’re with her by using your phone constantly.

Remember that your time and attention are far more important than hers, and trust that she doesn’t have anything better to do than sit across from you at the table and watch you check your phone. Keep in mind that the calls, text and emails she lets sit on the back burner while she’s with you aren’t really as important as yours, and know that over time, she’ll give you all the space you need with your mobile device…permanently.

In many ancient traditions, the number nine is considered to represent completion, so I’ll stop here. Like art work, there comes a time to stop thinking about what you want to create and, instead, start creating. Unfortunately, too many of us make a brief effort and then go on auto pilot forgetting that it takes consistent practice to master the art of love; yet when we do make the effort, we create a masterpiece that never grows boring to look at.

 

Post via Daily Transformations
Also by Tamara: Clear Clutter & Change Your Life. ~ Tamara Star

~

Here’s a relephant video from Waylon to you:

~blank photo embed

Bonus:

~

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

~

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: liquidnight via photopin cc

Image: Alex Alvisi / Flickr

You must be logged in to post a comment. Create an account.

aloscar77 Jun 14, 2019 1:56pm

Good one but LOL, This should be,
How to Lose your man fast and his Love for Good:
All Mistakes Women should Avoid.

Alan Ridley May 1, 2019 7:25pm

Thank you for the insightful article.
At some stage in every relationship, I have done at least one of the things you have mentioned here.
Thanks again for creating the mindfulness x

shawn Apr 26, 2019 7:27am

How a woman can lose a man for good and the mistakes to avoid…read the same article. It works both ways.

Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.

Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes happiness is not an end destination, but instead the ability to see the ordinary through eyes of wonder.

Want her free tips and tricks for health, happiness and love?
Click here.

Receive her free 3 video series for clearing the slate for more love & happiness.
Click here.

She’s an international best-selling author and the creator of the original 40-day Personal reboot program for women–a 6 week virtual deep dive into clearing the slate on what’s blocking you. Registration is open NOW here.

Tamara’s global reach inspires women around the world through her programs, newsletters, and teachings.

She’s been featured on SiriusXM radio, Good Morning America, former Oprah producer LeGrande Green’s GetBOLD radio, Dr. Brenda Wade’s GoodLove Radio, Daybreak USA and News Australia.

Connect with Tamara on her websiteFacebook or Twitter.

Tamara’s work had been translated into 6 languages and featured on The Huffington Post, MindBodyGreen, Positively Positive, Yahoo News, The News.com Australia, The Good Men Project, and Yoga Anonymous.