“Those who act out are in most need of healing.” ~ Unknown
In this day and age with the internet as our main form of communication, many of us are putting our self out there in one form or another—whether it is through social media, blogs, video, forums, etc.
It takes courage to be seen and exposed for the whole world to see. It would be so much easier to withdraw and hide out of fear of being criticized, hurt or rejected. The choice really boils down to either deciding to play small or step into our highest potential. Pleasing everyone is impossible—we cannot not let that stop us from expressing ourselves. There will always be haters but what matters most is whether or not we believe what the inner hater has to say to us.
When we write something we often become very emotionally involved in what we are writing about because it is our truth and reality. It is not going to be everyone else’s and that is ok. Diversity is the celebration of life.
Whenever I experience unpleasant responses from others, instead of blaming or reacting I ask myself a few questions: What is being triggered in me? Am I expecting outward approval or recognition? Does my sense of self-worth depend on whether or not others like me? Am I judging myself? What is the lesson I need to learn from this?
Immediately I check in with intense awareness and see what comes up. It’s an opportunity to do an ego check and do some self-assessment.
Is the outer hater reflecting the inner hater? If so, I need to do more work.
When we rise above the inner and outer haters we are being authentic to our being despite what anyone thinks or says. It is from this space that no one or anything can shake us because we are self approved.
If we are really honest, when we judge others we are really only judging ourselves; when the self-judgment stops so does the outer judgment.
If one really thinks about it, our haters are really our biggest fans but they just don’t know it. For whatever reason, they have to read or listen to every word we are saying in order to comment. Why would anyone do that if they were not resonating with the material in the first place?
There will always be others who disagree with us and that is ok but we cannot let it define us. We cannot shrink back into the comfort zones in fear of stepping on others toes or of not being liked. The only way to overcome this is to keep getting back on the horse and putting our self out there and shinning the light.
Here are some things to contemplate:
- It is not about us. If we think about it a happy person would not bother to waste time and energy to post something negative. Anyone who feels compelled to engage in such interactions clearly needs more light in their life. It is something that is triggered perhaps it’s their own inauthenticity. A barking dog only barks when threatened.
- Each individual processes their life experiences through their own ‘fitter’s and that has nothing to do with us. We are only responsible for our own reality and how we choose to respond or not.
- Retaliating in defensiveness only begets more negativity.
- It’s an opportunity to practice mindfulness, forgiveness, compassion and letting go.
- Non- attachment is the only way go. Do the work for the joy of doing the work.
- Everyone is our teacher and every conflict has something to teach us. It’s a stepping-stone to evolve and grow even more.
- We can send them love and practice self-love.
- Just think of all the time and energy saved in not reacting to drama. Now we can go and do something creative and productive.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editorial Assistant: Edith Lazenby/Editor: Bryonie Wise