I’m big on lemonade, especially after sucking on a series of lemons brought by the Universe.
Therefore, when the Universe brings you a proximal humerus fracture, also known as doing too many chaturangas, and then falling on the ice to crack your shoulder, you need to stumble your way onto a new path to bliss.
What are the best things about having a broken shoulder? In no particular order:
1. When I used to ask my teenagers to take out the garbage, it sounded like this:
Waaaa Wa Waaaaa Wa Waaaaa waaa
Now when I ask it sounds like this:
Waaaa Wa Waaaaa Wa Waaaaa “broken arm” Waaaa Wa Waaaaa Wa Waaaaa
And they do it!
2. You can surf the web, a lot. So far it has cost me a few hundred hours of reading “Things I’d Like to do To You” articles. I’m going to write, “Things I’d like to do to George Clooney” as soon as I feel better and want to do those things again.
3. You have more time for pastimes. One of my favorites is to ask inane questions of the followers of John Friend, the charismatic founder of Anusara yoga. His friends, lovers and coven mates ardently believe that he is the savior of the world. When I’m high on painkillers, it is fun to ask, um, can you trademark a rainbow? Cool! Good to know.
4. Even though I can’t do my dog, and by that I mean my Downward Dog, I get to do Child’s Pose instead. And now, everyone can see how uber-yogic I am, because I’m not full of ego.
5. Vacuuming is out of the question. I knew there was a God. It is the same with making the beds, which is completely out of the question.
6. I cannot demonstrate chaturanga, so I think I’ll take it out of my classes for a while, or maybe forever. This may be a sign from the Universe that push-ups are not yogic, and actually, kind of suck.
7. I made a list of the yoga poses that I would be devastated to lose if my shoulder doesn’t heal properly, and I realized I still have savasana. Life is good.
8. Now when I tell my husband whatever, just don’t wake me up, I’m on meds! I have no idea what is going on. Life is really good.
9. And the final, single best thing about having a broken shoulder: I am not wearing a bra. Seriously, I think I might have broken my arm trying to get into those sport bras in the first place. So now I’m going girl commando. Somebody call Yoga Journal. I think I have a shot at the cover after all these years.
If this recipe for lemonade doesn’t put a smile on your face, then add vodka.
(I promise, vodka makes everything better, especially if it’s gluten-free.)
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Editor: Bryonie Wise