March 7, 2014

Changing My Reality.


I was sitting at a new coffee house today doing some work on my laptop.

There were some funky, mellow beats playing in the background that were helping me to whistle while I worked. I went to a cafe in the ‘techie’ part of town just for something different to my usual ‘Starbucks’ pick.

After working for about an hour, I decided to glance up, look around and give my neck a bit of a stretch. I watched the people in their dark jackets and dress pants walk in and out of their offices. I noticed the trees in the courtyard that still had no leaves.

I couldn’t help but notice a strange feeling that poured over me—it was surreal that this was now my reality.

A year ago my reality was a tropical island with warm trade winds blowing. It was physically being in paradise, but emotionally being in an arctic tundra.

I was warm in temperature, but cold in spirit.

Now, here I was, above the 49th parallel—cold in temperature, but very much warm in spirit.

I was struck by the realization that I had been so scared to make a move to leave my ‘reality’ a year before, because I was scared of the unknown. I was scared to give up what I had, even though it was not what I wanted.

I am so thankful my reality changed. In my case, it was changed for me, but for so many of us, we are in that same ‘limbo’—wondering whether we should hope and pray our ‘reality’ will get better, or whether we should make the break and move onto a new reality.

We get so stuck in what becomes our ‘normal’, that we are afraid to choose something that might be better for us and for our loved ones. I have learned many lessons in the last six months since my reality was grabbed, shaken, tossed out the window, and then stomped on.

The only reality we should settle for is a reality that gives us health, peace, respect, and love.

If your reality contains those characteristics—or even if you can see it moving towards those characteristics—then keep that reality. But if you find that your day-to-day reality is stealing health, peace, respect and love on a very regular basis, it might be time to do a ‘reality check’ and move onto something that will bless your life.

It’s not easy to do a ‘reality check’. It is scary and emotional. There can be many factors involved and we often need help to make the best decision.

Here are some thoughts to consider as you ‘check your reality’:

1. Get some wisdom from professionals.

I am proud to admit that I have a counsellor and a life coach—and I need them both! They have helped me see ways that surpass the emotional habits that I was caught up in. By teaching me what ‘healthy’ relationships should look like, I am learning to define a wonderful new reality.

On one occasion, I was talking to my life coach. I told her, “I just feel so disappointed—I did not think that this would be where I was at, at this point in my life.”

She said the wisest words that I contemplate and think on everyday—she went on to tell me that when she went through some hard times in life, she felt like her life was a mirror that was smashed to the ground. She had the impulse to try and put the mirror back together as it was, but she could not. It wasn’t possible.

Instead, she picked up the glass pieces and created a beautiful new mosaic with the ‘pieces of her life’.

It gives me shivers every time I think about that image—it inspires me to continue to create my own beautiful mosaic of life. Sometimes we need ‘those that have gone before us’ to help us see what we deserve for our reality.

2. Look at your history.

I love the part of the movie, ‘Meet the Fockers’, when Robert De Niro’s character is interrogating Ben Stiller’s character about his family they are on their way to meet in Florida. Robert De Niro looks in Ben’s eyes and says, “…like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I’ll have a much better idea of where you’re going.”

Sometimes a look at our ‘reality history’ is a good way to see where the future of our present reality is going to lead. I am all for believing in miracles, but there comes a time when we have to make an educated decision based on the past.

3. Fear not.

If we put yourself and our loved ones in a healthier environment, there is nothing to fear. Everything will be okay. When you decide to choose a healthy reality, it has a way of positively permeating to all parties involved.

Reality truly is relative.

We are given one shot on this earth—believe in the truth that you deserve to live the most beautiful reality possible.

Let’s not settle for creating anything less.

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Editorial Assistant: Amani Omejer/Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: György Kós/Pixoto

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