March 10, 2014

I Need that In-Between Space to Breathe.



“What’s difficult in life is to stay centered when somebody does or says something that tempts us to close our hearts because their heart was closed. That is hard. But that is also how we grow. We go through those circumstances in order to evolve into people who can hold to our loving center no matter what the world throws us.”

~ Marianne Williamson

I need that in-between space to breathe. The spot where time remains suspended and a dewdrop forms. The slight sound of a fine paintbrush as it feathers a path on the land of canvas. The calming vibrant hum. I dissolve into the lull of a purr.

I embrace my oddities. My eccentric trills. It keeps me slightly unique and therefore sane in this unusual world.

I savor mornings and late nights where there’s nothing but still. I tango with my heartbeat and play melodies with my mind. It’s an intriguing duo.

It is a place to recharge my inner kingdom. Without it, I rapidly disintegrate. My words become sharp and breathing shallow. I don’t do shallow well. It’s a superficial place. I need solitude and comfort or exhaustion sets in. Balance is necessary.

I stand on a rim of a chalice peeling away the chaos which distorts my path. Breaking out of old patterns, I let resilience carve new estuaries; dazzling and surreal as a sunrise or sunset.

I need to breathe deeply before burnout creeps to the space where my tender heart starts to leak.

I feel the hook of self-compassion and embroider flowers in the seams.

I need solitude, the zone of loving life for all of its precious jewel colored stones. I long for depth and a polychromatic scheme.

I am sensitive to a fault and know how words can be poisonous darts. I will stop the darts midsentence. Flicking the feathered ends and bending the pointed, sharp, metal tips. They become putty. An aberration. I erase the pillage and retranslate the verbal code.

When I listen deeply things become translucent. My inner Mona Lisa smiles, as compassion floods; it encapsulates the hurt and the rage. The depth of collective grief marries budding new growth. It is liberating to let go of the mind numb and step over the grave of taking things too personally.

There’s symbolism in the transformation of life. I picture myself a speck in an unconditional sea of unequivocal, universal love. It swims divinely with immense wisdom. The image brings me to my knees. Saline to my heart. Whispers are my tissues. A universe of transitions, shape-shifting, slicing, stepping, searing, simultaneously cultivating all of us…our true inner being.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to be aware of this cosmic dance. We are composites of stardust and the elements of endless time. Each encounter, spells magic. The magic of connectedness.

I seek honesty, passion, feisty, intelligent, vivacious full-out respect and trust. I am thoroughly exhausted by the taxing lethargy of mean, jealous, rants, rages and bewitching lies.

“I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more. I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits.”

~ Anaïs Nin

I prefer to support and give my best. I’d rather lift than step on the heartbeat of another’s soul.

Decades of observation, failure and successes have led me to believe letting go of what doesn’t work does not equate to being insensitive, but to caring more deeply. Give to give and not to rely on an expected outcome.

The return on investment is in the giving.

My ship sails with transparent brilliance; scales of a mermaid and feathers of bird. Each hurt and misstep only adds vibrancy. Each joy and healing, adds depth. Simplicity and gratitude lace the wind. Each morning and night I breathe in thankfulness and let go of what I can’t control.

I will trust my intuition. Let go of wrong interpretations. Seek kindness. Think before I speak. Listen to my heart. Believe in goodness. Step aside from negativity and learn. Remain humble and caring but hardly a doormat. Give, because I enjoy giving. Know when to say no. Breathe into a space of balance and let chaos go.

The tender edges of my milky heart, no longer wonder, where do I begin and end?

I feel whole when I slip into the in-between spaces. It is where my heartbeat surrenders to the curve of the moon and the setting sun.


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Editor: Bryonie Wise

Image: Kimberly Dawn Clayton

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