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March 12, 2014

Ready to Love (8 Reflections). ~ Jessica Sandhu

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“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.”

~ Paulo Coelho

Coming on to two years since the long relationship ended—not that I needed the entire time to get over it—but I definitely wanted the time to get back on my feet and to explore me—to reflect on what I could really offer myself—and by extension, the world.

Lots of goodies came out. I’ve had some real highs, and definitely some low ones, too.

Plenty of time to reflect in between.

To reflect on what might come next—what I want and expect from myself and, eventually, what I would want and expect in my next partner.

Sometimes the reflection was a painful one when seeing my uglier side. I saw, in the aftermath of that relationship, reactions, doubts and fear I wouldn’t want to repeat or have other people see—although, those are innately human and they create the unique beings we are.

So, in this time and space, after digging deep; finding an understanding within; and feeling from the heart, I have some reflections on my future relationships—romantic or not.

And this space here I wonder…

…would I be…

ready to push them beyond what they could see they could offer the world? Especially when they are losing hope and giving up?

ready to lift them up when they were down? Even when I am down myself?

ready to surprise them when they least except it, without expectation?

ready to pour my heart and soul into it without fearing it could end at any moment?

ready to challenge them when I didn’t feel like we were communicating well?

ready to share my deepest secrets, dreams and hopes without fear of judgment?

ready to open my heart without thinking it would be squashed or taken away?

ready to love wholeheartedly—without fear?

I had the door closed to love for a long time. Not sure how when this time would come for me to open it up. But I am human and my heart and arms want to be loved—I am feeling more and more ready.

Am I really ready to love? Yes, but the skeptic in me wonders how I would be able to utilize what I have learned in these reflections about my life towards the success of the next relationship? How would it work practically in the heat of the moment?

As I sit here in this cafe and fantasize about how awesome I would be if reacted well when things didn’t go my way, would I be able to see things with the deep understanding I have now? Maybe, maybe not?

Will I use that as something to hold me back? No way!

I am ready to love, right now.

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Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photos: elephant journal achives

 

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