March 21, 2014

We Can Say, Yes! ~ Jonelle Roman

Jonelle Roman 2

According to my friend Adam, being single for a year really isn’t that long, statistically.

But, to a relationship yearning Libra about to turn 30, being single for a year is a roller coaster of emotions.

It is a constant practice of finding balance and contentment with the now, having faith in what’s ahead, and remaining open-hearted through it all. Remaining open-hearted has been the biggest struggle; it’s a choice—even for an empath like me.

I feel. I feel all the feels.

I embody and marvel at life, and I very much love that about myself. My nature is to interact, and live with my heart up and open. Which obviously means it’s susceptible to being hurt. And it has been, as we all experience at some point.

Normally I bounce back. Normally my heart is ready to say yes to whatever is ahead, to healing, to exploration, to love, to vulnerability.

But, in the past year my heart had the wind knocked out of it, and it took a long time to catch its breath. It has now caught its breath, it’s breathing again; but it’s fragile, tense, and fearful.

There are so many cracks, making it easy to fall back apart (don’t play anything by Rhye around me). So I give it love, I nurture it. I travel and shine light through the cracks. I say yes to joy, which means also saying yes to what scares me.

Korea-Busan-Cliff-Bunji.jump-01There’s a great quote by Sherri Shepherd that embodies that:

“The best piece of advice someone has ever given me was ‘do it scared.’ And no matter if you’re scared, just go ahead and do it anyway because you might as well do it scared, so it will get done and you will feel so much better if you step out of your comfort zone.”

My heart quivers in those moments, when I say, “Let’s go! This looks scary but, yes!” It’s taking a chance. Sometimes I take the leap and my heart holds up the weight of fear and pushes past it, coming out stronger, weary, but ready for the next round of weights.

Sometimes the weight collapses on it, slapping it down to the ground. It tends to get slapped down by the weight it really wants to hold up. The weight it really thinks it’s ready to lift.

This is where that choice of remaining open-hearted comes in. I have to continuously choose to go back to the weight. I have kept saying “Yes. I can’t hide because it’s heavy.”

One day I will be strong enough to hold it up and scream, “Yes look!” But I’ll never know if that moment of strength is now if I don’t say yes to everything that could potentially happen when I stand in front of that weight.

We hide behind our insecurities and fears far too much. Say yes. Say Yes! Life is now, say yes to what is in front of you. Don’t hide behind work, behind school, behind hurt. Lift those weights and live!

My dear friend, Flynn, recently reminded me of this quote I once sent her by Neil Gaiman:

“The moment you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself, that’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.”

I’m an island girl raised in the sunshine of Antigua. I love feeling the sunlight all over my skin. So I’ll continue, quivering heart at times, to say yes to walking down the street exposed, so the sunlight can warm me.

Yes is to live. Go live.

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Editor: Travis May

Photos: Jonelle Roman, Cliff Divers

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