18 Ways Women are Disconnected from Themselves. ~ Falan Storm

Via Falan Storm
on Apr 4, 2014
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Woman by Ocean

We live in a society where our relationship to things outside of ourselves seems far more important than our relationship to ourselves.

We pride ourselves on our families, our jobs, our labels and our outward expressions in the world. Not only do these matter, but they can often be sincere expressions of who we really are.

However, for most women our connection with ourselves often comes last, if it even exists at all. As we wake up each morning and catapult ourselves into the busyness of our days, we carry very little regard for the many ways we disconnect from ourselves.

Our connection with ourselves best serves as the foundation of our lives, with all else extending from there. We are the source from which our own life unfurls from.

The following are 18 ways many of us dampen, cut off and even destroy a connection with ourselves. My guess is that we are all on this list somewhere, my hope is that by reflecting on ourselves we will begin to transform the disconnection into a connection.

1) Being everywhere but here. 

Presence is that thing we don’t often use even though it’s always available to us. Worry, fear, and our projection of the future tends to disconnect us from the experience we are having right now. Come back as often as you can by simply saying, “this moment.”

2) Our relationship to our body.

The body in which you exist is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, it is sacred. Many of us have been disassociated with our bodies or associated only in a painful way. Sometimes we can feel as though our bodies are letting us down. But more likely we are letting our bodies down, by undervaluing our body or obsessing over it. Embodiment is the connection. Live within your body.

3) Being a miser with sleep.

Sleeping is a daily gift of restoration and our time of dreams. We must make our sleeping hours sacred, giving ourselves just what we need to wake rested each morning.

4) Making food a fool.

Rushing food, under eating, over-stuffing, following the “best” way to eat. etc. Food is very simply our fuel. When we fill our gas tanks we don’t put $1 in there because we’re worried the car will be too heavy, and we don’t keep filling the tank until the gas flows over because we are trying to soothe and distract the car from its feelings.

I’m not trying to sincerely compare our bodies to a car; I’m just making the point that we are far more complex than a vehicle—we have a spirit, emotions and a worth that can’t be destroyed. Food is fuel to help our bodies both survive and thrive. The food our body requests may not look like the diet we think we need to eat. It looks like giving our bodies what they need. It looks like hydrating completely. It looks like eating just what you need to feel satisfied. And it looks like leaving rigid behind.

5) Missing the importance of menstruation.

Our menstrual cycles are incredible revealers of our health, our moods and our burdens. Our relationship with menstruation can reveal our relationship with our bodies. Our cycles are cyclical gifts to help us rest, restore and release each month. Learning to appreciate this mini rhythm of nature that lives inside of us can do wonders for connecting us to ourselves.

6) Hormonal birth control.

Our bodies, when hormonally balanced, are a biological beauty. Taking artificial hormones each day to trick our bodies into pregnancy does such tremendous damage to our body’s wisdom. It creates an artificial atmosphere, hides the symptoms that reveal imbalance and damages the natural rhythm of a woman’s body.

7) Trying to prove our worth.

Worth is inherent. There is no one to prove anything to. We really are enough exactly as we are.

8) Prioritizing things that are not important to us.

Walk through your day in your mind. So much of it is filled with the tidyings and necessaries of life—so much so that we often don’t get to the things that are most important to us. What’s interesting is that if we start our days with what is most important, then we often store up excess energy that can easily and lovingly guide us through our day as we tend to the more mundane tasks of life.

9) Not being smart with our smartphones.

We have addicted ourselves to these mini computers that we never leave at home, never turn off, and sleep with next to our beds. For most people, their smartphone is the very first thing and the very last thing they look at each day. We are so fascinated with other people’s lives that we forget to connect with our own. First place to smarten up? No phones in our bedrooms!

10) Being way too hard on ourselves.

Watch, for one day, and notice how many times we tell ourselves we could have done something better, faster, wiser or sooner, or that we should have done something.

11) Not giving ourselves what we need.

For most women, we come last. We meet the needs of everyone else and if we have anything left over we guiltily share it with ourselves. Not such a great equation.

12) Interrupting intuition.

Let go. Let go. Let go. Controlling cuts off that part of ourselves that communicates with our inner knowing.

13) Not following the rhythms of nature.

As women we are intricately connected to the rhythms of nature. As mentioned above, menstruation is a monthly expression of that rhythm in our body. Spending time outdoors is critical to ground us and connect us with the vastness of our existence. Get outside to connect with the messages nature will give you and the energy she will fill you with.

14) People pleasing.

Look at the calendar and to-do list for the week and notice how many things are on there to please someone else. Make adjustments and fill those spots with a few things to please yourself.

15) Perfectionism.

Sigh. The biggest and most challenging disconnection we battle. It feeds many of the other things listed here. It is soul sucking, anxiety inducing, and the quickest way to live a life half-assed.

16) Staying too safe.

We get so comfortable with the way life is and settle in deep to the safety of being there. This has no choice but to stunt and drown dreams—often the very things we’d hear an urging to do if we were connected with ourselves.

17) Seeking balance.

Balance is a fallacy. You cannot find it because it doesn’t exist. At least not in the sense we are seeking it. We cannot, nor ever will be able to, give an equal amount of time to all the things that are important to us. Life is much more complex and beautiful than that. We must live life so fully that giving equally to it all doesn’t matter because we give so completely to what matters at the moment.

18) Limiting joy.

Too many of us are not making time for the thing that most lights us up. Why does joy get put last?  Because we are so disconnected with ourselves we don’t realize the value, the importance and the sacredness of ourselves and how necessary joy truly is to our well-being.

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Photo: Mizrak/Flickr Creative Commons




About Falan Storm

Falan Storm is a devoted Mama to three, a loving wife to one and a writer for women who want to feel free in their bodies and in their life. She lives in the Appalachian mountains, laughing, homeschooling, living life simply, and sharing ways to live a meaningful, feminine life at falanstorm.com. She is the creator of She Cycles and can be found on Instagram.


30 Responses to “18 Ways Women are Disconnected from Themselves. ~ Falan Storm”

  1. sarahlove says:

    Beautifully written! Thank you for these words of wisdom. A lot of reflecting came from your writings.

  2. Elle says:

    19. Identifying ourselves through our relationships with others, ie partner and children. There is so much pressure for women to have a partner and children that those of us who are alone feel “less than” in every way. Many of us wanted this in our lives but circumstances dictated otherwise. We are reminded of our “failure” everywhere we go. We don’t get a chance to make peace with ourselves and the circumstances that left us barren.

  3. Falan says:

    Thank you so much, Sarah. I'm so glad for the reflection these words inspired. Thank you, sincerely, for sharing. xo

  4. Falan says:

    Elle, thank you dearly for sharing this and for being a voice for the women who will resonate with your words. Much appreciation. xo

  5. Falan says:

    Elle, thank you dearly for sharing this and for being a voice for those women who will resonate with your words. Much appreciation. xo

  6. kitty says:

    I would love to agree, but some of us need to take hormonal birth control for medical reasons. Many take it for dysmennorhea. The pill is a much better alternative to hemorrhagic bleeding half of the month. :/

  7. Falan says:

    Hi Kitty, giving yourself what you need is connecting with yourself too : )

  8. Thera says:

    3) Being a "spinster" with sleep. (?)

  9. sexandtherest says:

    Exactly my reason for taking hormonal birth control and just what I thought when reading that passage. Otherwise, great article!

  10. Falan says:

    Thanks so much : )

  11. Falan says:

    Hi Thera, just a play on words to say that one is not in "union/marriage" with sleep ; )

  12. Amy says:

    Wonderful insight and so true. This really resounded with me. I and going to read this every day. Thank you Falan!!!!

  13. Falan says:

    Thank you so very much Amy! 🙂

  14. Nikki Farriw says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. I have been in a state of all 18 of these moments and to be able to reflect on them has given me some well-needed introspection.

  15. Falan says:

    Thank you so much, Nikki! So grateful for the introspection it offered.

  16. Stace says:

    I enjoyed the article and agreed with all of the points except the seeking balance part. I feel our time is important to us and balancing it is important. Even balancing what we eat and how we indulge in life. Balancing everything for the better is what I strive to do. Even like the yin-yang there is always two sides, there is always balance.

  17. Vanessa says:

    Lovely. Reading this brought me back home, to myself. I gave my full attention to this article and was able to see the things in my life that aren’t aligned with my higher knowing. Thank you for sharing this with us. Namaste 🙂

  18. Falan says:

    Thanks so much Stace. Yes, you are right.

    I believe balance to be a fallacy in the sense that most of us seek it – trying to give to all things equally. I absolutely believe in a balance governed by Mother Nature; one in which we follow the rhythms of our bodies and the earth.

    In short, I don't believe balance can be seeked; I believe it must be followed. 🙂

  19. Falan says:

    Thanks so very much, Vanessa! So glad you enjoyed it, and so grateful you offered it your "full attention". 🙂

  20. E West says:

    The comments about hormonal birth control are not my experience at all. Birth control is safe and effective and for the years I took it, it never disrupted my menstrual cycle or my connection to myself. In fact, I had a period every month – the same as always – just as women do on standard monthly pills. But more than that, it allowed me to make a host of choices about my education, my professional life, and my personal journey to decide if, when and with whom I will become a parent. It is one tool I would lift up as exceptionally vital to living on my own terms.

  21. Liz says:

    i loved all the points except the ones about menstruation and hormones. I am a post-op trans woman so have never menstruated and have to take hormones. I however refuse to view myself as anything other than a woman and speak out here on behalf of my trans sisters and other women who may be missing menstruation due to medical issues. It is ironic how articles like these often mimic the same lack of awareness women decry in men.

  22. Julie says:

    Yeah I don't understand the birth control thing either. Listening to our bodies would mean our bodies want to reproduce for sure, and that is not smart for many different reasons at many different times or circumstances in a womans life. I'm genuinely curious how do you suggest we do it?

    Also not to be pessimistic but smart phones in the bedroom..if someone I loved needed me I would want to hear that phone call at 3 am very badly.

  23. Falan Storm says:

    Thanks so much E West for reading and commenting. Though I completely respect your own perspective of birth control, it is not the belief I hold. The period you have while on birth control is not an actual period, but rather a withdrawal bleed due to the sugar pills you take that week, which causes a drop in hormones. I do, however, fully agree with the freedom to live life on your own terms, all of which can be fully done by charting your fertility cycle. Please check out Toni Weschler's book Taking Charge of your Fertility for more information. Thanks!!

  24. Falan Storm says:

    Thanks so much for reading, Liz. So glad you spoke up for yourself and others. Thanks!

  25. Falan Storm says:

    Thanks for reading and commenting, Julie. Please see my above comment for a genuine resource for charting your fertility safely, while honoring your natural cycle. As far as phones in the bedroom, of course I wasn't implying lack of loved ones reaching you (I'd want to get that call badly too), but rather making the point that so many of us use that time to scan the internet right before we settle down for sleep. We also tend to pop on social media and check email right upon waking. This is the disconnection I was referring to. Thanks!

  26. Sangeeta says:

    A useful article that many women will relate with! I have shared an EFT script for Women on my blog that helps with many of the issues you have touched upon here. Sometimes it is helpful to use a practise like Emotional Freedom Techiniques to undo years of conditioning and limiting beliefs. Would like to offer it to your readers, please see https://serenereflection.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/eft_script_women/

    Thanks and Regards,


  27. Falan Storm says:

    Thank you so very much, Sangeeta. That is beautiful. 🙂

  28. Ed Hare says:

    Good stuff. I’d say, though, that other than the parts involving menstruation and pregnancy, the good advice applies to men, too.

  29. Falan Storm says:

    You are certainly right, Ed! Thanks so much for reading and commenting 🙂

  30. Linda says:

    A brilliant read,and so inspiring, thank you so much.