“When love is not madness it is not love.”
~ Pedro Calderón de la Barca
I was born to fall in love. I do it so well; I put in my heart, my passion, my body, my desire, my need, my emotions—I reach for all and offer all.
I am rather embarrassed.
I fell head over heels in love with a man only met via words. But I am a writer and a poet so words can do so much for me.
Everything was so right. But as my new friend said, if it is too good to be true, it is.
It was April Fool’s Day when learned I had been played a fool.
And the next day I had a date with someone who is now my new friend.
Life gives odd lessons and I learn most everything the hard way but eventually I think I learn.
This man whose name is not even real, who was in Northern Cyprus probably the whole time, whose picture was not real, whose daughter was not real—was so real.
And I learned a lot about what I want and need.
I learned my passions have been dormant for a long time. I learned I want to feel taken care of in many ways. I learned I too have an “inner princess” who wants to be swept off her feet and told with grace she is the all of everything and perfect just as she is.
And I realize when I truly believe I love someone there is not much I won’t do for him or her, friend, lover or family.
Love is an odd bed fellow. It gives everything by taking everything and leaves in its wake beating hearts, broken hearts, hearts longing to bleed, hearts healing to hope to love again.
So one might ask how a 54 year old can fall in love with a man she never truly met? Honestly it was easy and I have to struggle not to fall in love with the new one I have met.
I have to struggle to go with the flow and not pour what is my need to give, and take my time.
The good news is I will always fall in love, again.
Whether with a virtual lover or my new friend or the one that comes after if things don’t develop.
Because, to me love is both an attitude and an action. Love is embracing someone just as they are. Love is caring and tender. And though love might ask for everything she demands nothing. She places a candle on her altar with flowers and incense and says the serenity prayer, to accept the things I cannot change.
I cannot change my need and desire to love. And I don’t want to change it. And my heart will get broken again I imagine but it’s worth the ache and each time I come out a little stronger, a little wiser, a little braver and more fulfilled.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photos: Dancing Waters/Deviantart CC