Lately my attention has been flowing into what I want more than anything: a meaningful relationship.
A lot can happen when need and desire meet. And though I won’t go into detail here, my love pocket was picked. At some point, I will tell the whole tale with all of the embarrassing details but I fell in love with someone I never met.
And this person was not real as you might think of a real person. He was my virtual lover. He got what he wanted and disappeared. On April Fool’s day, I woke up to find I had been played.
The shame was tough but as Brene Brown points out, if we keep shame to ourselves, it grows. I know I am not a bad person. I am a giving, trusting and caring person.
The man I met online was beyond amazing. He was everything I ever wanted and dreamed a man could be.
So to all you women and men out there meeting folk in the virtual world: beware.
The little bit of money I lost was not the worst, really. And I have too much respect to let that get squandered on a con man.
What I learned is where my attention goes, my energy flows.
I learned I am desperate to be accepted and cherished. I learned I am eager for attention and passion. I learned I want to feel cared for and taken care of though I know I can take care of myself.
And now I am out meeting real people with real bodies having real conversations. I took up pool. I still do the online thing in hopes of meeting someone with whom to share my life.
As much as I love my virtual world, I am tired of my all my conversations happening through a screen.
I am too old to be this naïve, but so it is.
I live. I love. I learn. I move on.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photos: elephant archives