Surreal times indeed. If I could pinpoint the exact moment that something awkward and awesome happened, I would be a millionaire in the making.
But, I’m not. I am a simple woman moving forward with a purpose and a passion. I only know and feel what’s in my heart, and the strange sensation that life isn’t what it used to be, not by a long shot, not even remotely close to six months ago. The dawning of a new age has gripped me for longer than I ever cared to think about. Where my heart takes me is part of this brand new day.
I used to have ideas and definitions about letting go for years, so much so that it was a small mantra of mine on those days where I had no answers or I chose to avoid the complicated. These two words aren’t some random phrase that has become part of the spiritual mindset, tossed around in conversations and meetings that leave a person wondering where to go or what to do. Letting go is an actual feeling that is much more complex than simply uttering the words. Surrender is a complete release of worry, angst, neediness, control, shame, blame, guilt, resentment, everything, and instead replacing it with love.
Lately, possibilities seem endless when I can close my eyes, feel the warm sun on my face, sit in silence, ignore the potential chaos of noise surrounding me, and do my best to center what’s in my heart. These two words come up every moment during the silence. These two words have allowed me to put one foot in front of the other and take my best self to the next level. These two words are opening up new doors and experiences as I step into the unknown. These two words are taking a bow to the next revolutionary stage of my life. These two words are staking their claim on love and my own heart. And, it is with this letting go that I can move about the world by feeling more in tune with what is calling me.
The outward projection of love is heralded every single day. I thrive when I understand and learn more about people and their hearts. I want to grow as wild as a flower when life becomes too mundane, predictable, or routine. Rituals are precious and warranted, but in order to lovingly detach from outcomes and stagnation, letting go has to happen. It hurts often, and it hurts big. But, facing fears and releasing them in spite of all else is perhaps the most courageous and brave thing a person can do. I have been in a “letting go mode” for so long now, with people, things, and jobs, learning everything and anything I can along the way. I know that I am a different being. I know that I don’t conform. I am aware of my weirdness and free-spirited ways and exactly why I am here. It took me eons to figure this out for myself, a survivor. I still muddle my way through life every day and scratch my head as to how it’s all going to turn out, yet I do know that in my letting go I will avoid the hassle of getting in my own way. Time and time again, and much to my own chagrin, I have lauded those who are masters of surrender, always in awe of their movement in this world. I tend to recite the “Serenity Prayer” about twenty times per day, in an effort to release a feeling that just doesn’t sit well in my gut. It works when driving, grocery shopping, the onset of a difficult conversation with my man, thinking about switching up life directions entirely, and reading a bazillion things that want to sway my thoughts and opinions in an obsolete manner. The noteworthy lines of that prayer aren’t necessarily blurred, yet the intense understanding of each sentence deserves attention. The Serenity Prayer is simple and deep. It has been around for decades, used in addictive behaviors, and adopted for other 12-step programs. Simply saying the prayer, as my heart races prior to some worrisome event, calms me and provides some sense of peace. I used to rush through it when I first learned the words, but now I breathe through the meaning and feel the power the words have in easing the ability to let go. It often consumes me during offbeat times of the day.
It is not just the words anymore that tug at me; it is my own persona that morphs into something different and yearns to rise to the occasion.
Events have turned a bit upside down in my recent life, and all for the better. Upheavals and uneasiness have come about in my quest to further my own growth. I took the lead in stepping away from the comfortable to satisfy a purpose. It includes the wanderlust and the unknowns. It presents possibilities and magic. I was about as vulnerable as I could be, yet scrambling around within a changing dynamic has been at the core of every fiber of my being. As curious as I am about life and learning (more so in my 50s) I have felt that changes were coming and they had to begin with the unanswered parts of me and my heart. Shifts have been happening left and right, and relating in the same manner wasn’t cutting it any more. I have been teetering for way too long and I took a risk, all the while knowing that it serves us in ways that are still unfolding. This was me letting go, releasing any power I had, trusting, and going with the flow. My entire way of interpersonal dynamics needed some evolution, it needed some more spiritual injections of ego-less living, it needed me to buck up and offer a different person who can coincide with the ever-present willingness of a loving partnership. So, I let go.
Turning to nature has never sounded sweeter, nor offered up more abundance than right now. It captures me every second, and the juiciness of this surrender finds my heart and soul appreciating more sights and sounds of the vastness around me. I will ride this wave of newness and uncertainty. I will continue to look up at the sky, praise the sun and the moon, tickle my senses with morning bird songs, and understand that loving deeply is all part of the value of letting go.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Jenna Penielle Lyons
Photo: Courtesy of the Editor