What Love is Not. ~ Özge Burçak Aydınalp

Via Özge Burçak Aydınalp
on Apr 23, 2014
get elephant's newsletter

courtesy of flickr commons, http://www.flickr.com/photos/xanetia/4470169024/in/photolist-7P1MvJ-6cw6Jb-51eqkG-2UyB9B-4r5xa9-6hS7FB-acSgEb-9NBea7-4s8kDq-7PkZyK-Hz1r6-amnhjn-6FQpsE-5h16gz-VWAF-sb5DK-4f9NRa-8i6crT-7KtazQ-bzh5gs-8QdWud-e2BhjM-dhdHDk-39xCXv-6z7FE8-h8QCGY-7H1LsJ-6ZDBnt-fjvRka-cJ9pxQ-bH4smZ-7JgHLk-bEooi8-eWveed-9V48E4-7LGgcY-2Mk6KD-9HZHGt-6LGx6n-8N6zPa-e7UAtP-716rDn-bvTyQP-8ujJ3P-absr4J-8PKaLM-eeSumi-5CNJpB-7Uhtr9-dVqJXD-6sUS5h/

People mostly write about what they think love is, but I want to write about what I think it is not.

We do not really love someone if we believe we’re entitled to them in any way.

We do not really love someone if we ignore their feelings and thoughts, if we ignore that
they are a different human being with different desires and ideas than us, that they don’t
have to function according to our plans.

Most importantly, we need to remember that no one can owe us love or promise us forever. No one can exist or even survive within the limits of our minds. People will grow, people will change. People will never be the ideal image of them we carry around in our minds.

We cannot control or own people as if they’re pretty things of which we are fond.

If we ignore others’ own inner worlds and their right to exist and move in the world as they wish, if we demand that they fit into our lives in the ways that we find convenient, we do not love them. We only love ourselves (and even that is dubious).

If others are merely an object to us and we do not perceive them as being another person with a separate life and individuality, we do not and cannot love them.

If all of our reactions are based on fear of losing control or possessiveness, we do not love.

Love comes in many ways, it’s true. But this is all about fear. It’s sad how we get them mixed up,
sometimes even when the consequences are clear.


Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!


Apprentice Editor: Pamela Mooman / Editor: Cat Beekmans

Photo: Flickr


About Özge Burçak Aydınalp

Özge Burçak Aydınalp works as a literary translator for publishing houses in Istanbul. She writes poetry and stories but tends to be shy about showing off her work. She also likes to draw, sing, take photos and make videos. You can reach her at her blog, on Tumblr, and on Twitter.


2 Responses to “What Love is Not. ~ Özge Burçak Aydınalp”

  1. Tammy T. Stone says:

    so well said, thank you!

  2. ozgeburcaka says:

    Thank you for the comment, Tammy. =)

Leave a Reply