How to Dissolve Fear.

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yoda fear

How to Dissolve Fear.

Don’t push fear away; face it.

The ego’s basic function is to cling to pleasure, and push away pain. That logic is found throughout New Agey spirituality, The Secret, positivity and self-help.

I call it “Gated Community Spirituality.” We’re surrounded by it (no pun intended). Homelessness? Suffering? Crime? Neurosis? Difficult family members? Traffic? Anything irritating, we seek to push it away, outside of the bounds of our safe, pleasurable world.

But creating a cocoon for our pleasure smothers our hearts. “A ship is safe when docked, but it is built for the open seas.” So are our hearts. We have one precious human birth.

“If you want to be happy, think first of others.” Get out there. Make yourself useful. Obsessing about our own happiness, strangely, keeps us miserable—it’s like focusing on the scratch, instead of the 99.99% of our life that is healthy.

Here’s how to dissolve your fear: stop running. Turn and face it. Breathe. Breathe! Imagine, now, the worst case scenario of your fears. Say you’re lonely. Imagine being on your own for the rest of your life. No family, no love, no girlfriend or boyfriend. Then, imagine how you’d cope.

You’d watch movies you love. Go on bike trips. Adventures. Start a book club, or join a climbing club. Find ways to make friends, and community.

And soon enough you remember that many folks find love…and then don’t wind up living happily ever after. There’s no guarantee. And for those who do find lasting love, well, it feels better to be happy for them. We should all be truly happy.

But true happiness—unlike the fake, temporary, brittle, sugary stuff—is rooted in something inside, not something external that we can buy or eat or work to seduce.

True happiness is maitri.

Do yourself a favor. Look it up.

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anonymous May 28, 2014 12:44am

thank you 🙂

peace and love, tb

anonymous May 25, 2014 4:55pm

Loved this article! When I asked myself the question what would I do if I didn't have my loved ones or a partner…wow the answer was beautifully humbling and very insightful. Thank you for asking such a valuable question xo

"Life creates it. Makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter. You must feel the force around you, between you, me, the land, the ship…everywhere." ~ Yoda

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Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of Elephant Journal & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat.” Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword’s Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by “Greatist”, Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: “the mindful life” beyond the choir & to all those who didn’t know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, touches on modern relationships from a Buddhist point of view. His dream of 9 years, the Elephant “Ecosystem” will find a way to pay 1,000s of writers a month, helping reverse the tide of low-quality, unpaid writing & reading for free online.