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May 17, 2014

If I Die Today. ~ Kristin Monk {Poem}

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I may die today.

But I probably won’t.

Statistically speaking,
I am less likely to die
Jumping from a plane
Than crossing the street
In front of my house
In this city
That has so quickly
Begun to feel like home

(I have been home-less far too long).

I may die today.
Something about
Inviting the possibility
Looking into her face
I pause
To collect
To assess
To wonder…

If I die today.

(and really, we are dying, every-day).

I no longer seek my own destruction
Having found it, and survived it
I now seek life

(and, oh, it has been sweet).

If I die today
I want you to know
That
I love you
You mattered
Mattered?
Darling, you have become a part of me.

(all of you).

(and here, you rest, always dear).

If I die today
It is not without regrets
I could have been better
I could have been many things
Different
Alas, all I ever was
Was me.

(remember me fondly, but please, never sanctify me).

If I die today
Know that I had finally found a path
I had just begun to walk it
But the ground was firm beneath my feet
The words freed me
And my heart was happy.

(I was alive, in ways that I never dreamed).

If I die today,
I am sorry.
I have regrets.
I have been small, and mean, and petty.
I thought of it, every day.
And I hoped to learn, and be better, every night.

(oh, how tragically fast and short a life truly is).

If I die today,
I found the moonbeams.
I climbed the peach trees.
I had given up, you know,
But I saw what it was to be seen, for me,
And I saw another, perfectly imperfect, whole and complete,
And, for the first time, I made plans,
And had dreams.
Of Together.

(dearest, remember my smile, but do not miss me).

If I die today,
Please do not grieve.
I found almost everything I had searched for.
I have loved, and been loved.
My heart was full, and happy.

(And, really, how much can one small being ask?)

If I die today,
Celebrate my life.
And yours.

(and be joyful).

If I die today,
Smile.

I died free.

 

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Editor: Renée Picard

Photos: Hailey/Pixoto, Chandler/Pixoto

 

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