If I Died Today, I Wanted You To Know.

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lovers

 

If we had met.

We would have held hands.

We would have had baths. With bubbles covering our tempting bits.

We would have shared coy looks and knowing smiles. And made sweet, tender love on a sunlit-streamed bed.

We would have walked in the rain. And laughed and sung out of tune. And laughed again.

We would have ridden bicycles with baskets. And streamers if I would’ve had my way.

I would have.

We would have gone to farmers’ and flea markets and chatted with old men boasting old stories and new wrinkles.

We would have baked cookies at midnight and licked crumbs off our fingers.

We would have kissed from one moon to the next and slept under the stars. We would have liked both a lot.

We would have huddled close together by a crackling fire, the wood smoke stinging our eyes and cloaking our coats.

We would have leaned in to each other against the weight of the world and our leaning would have made everything lighter.

We would have been honest with each other. And appreciative. And kind.

We would have been goofy and animated and outrageous when no one was looking. And sometimes when they were.

And we would have recounted our tales and our travesties while laying in each others’ arms and been comforted by the fragrance of each other’s familiar scent.

We would have read books in bed and out loud. And you would have taken off your glasses to look at me. And that would have made my heart happy.

We would have taught each other things.

We would have made formidable plans and you would have had great ideas and I’d have had great color-coded spreadsheets.

And we would have laughed more. Always there would have been laughter.

And lightness. And being.

We would have taken spontaneous road trips with freedom in our feet and filled our lungs with creation amazed at Nature’s Wonders.

We would have walked in the woods, autumn pine needles pungent in our nostrils; the sharp snap of dry twigs under foot.

We would have touched the bark of the Fir trees and let our eyes mist for their beauty. And the fallen.

We would have sat by fresh springs in silent reverence.

We would have stood up for each other. And maybe something greater.

And we would have felt time slipping by with missing moments and tried to hold on with gripping hearts.

From time to time, we would have noticed our physical changes. Not ugly. Not bad. Just that reminder of time.

We would have taken up new hobbies to try to stay young and met with old friends to reminisce of past times.

We would have run out of things to say and maybe felt restless. Maybe disconnected. But we would have known this too shall pass. And it would have.

We would have lived a lifetime and felt it as less than a moment.

We would have taken notice of each others’ habits and preferences and I would have long ago learned to place out your favourite coffee mug with aged, trembling hand.

And you would have brought home flowering weeds in delicate bouquets and touched my face with tenderness, not seeing the creases that would have formed.

We would have gazed at each other in a moment like this, with eyes expressing fear, and tender love.

We would have made love less but held each other more.

And then one day the sun would have set heavily on our heart replaced with skies lain low like a wet, wool blanket, only memories memories memories left of walking hand in hand, sloshing and wet and wild and juvenile and joyous. And laughing.

Now just one, alone on cold sheets, listening to the drone of the rain on the roof and speaking aloud to the other as though still there. Sinking under a collapsing chest of profound emptiness, surrounded by thunderous silence.

And grieving quietly and violently, feeling eternity meaningless remaining.

Until the morning birds’ started song again, less shrill in our ear.

“Wake up! Get up! Live.”

And so.

With determined breath, we would have picked ourselves up. Because that’s what the other would have wanted.

If I died today, I wanted you to know.

We would have been happy.

 

 Author’s note:

This was half written, and I was half waiting…

Until inspired by this beautiful piece by Emily Bracken. (I bow to you.)

_

Relephant bonus:

~

Relephant:

A Letter From The Love You Haven’t Met Yet. 

~

 

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: Pixoto

The Elephant Ecosystem

Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Rating—which helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant. Learn more.

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anonymous Feb 7, 2016 6:25am

Awsomelly written piece of pulp!

anonymous Dec 28, 2015 8:42pm

Beautiful!

anonymous Jul 29, 2015 10:35pm

How did you know? I had this love. I had this friend, partner in crime, commrade, protecter, i had ALL of this…even the lonely sadness of lose. Cancer took my husband 8 months ago. No battle – but swiftly yanked from my arms and my heart so forcefully that i was spun into orbit with no tether to pull myself back. Tumbling tumbling.

Thank you for telling my story so beatifully and completly.

anonymous Jul 26, 2015 3:39am

Stunning and written from a place of knowing – I have read this out loud to myself in present tense for the love that is coming into my life … I know he is close 😀

anonymous Jun 11, 2015 3:08am

Did not think anyone was capable of packaging all what one feels, imagines, dreams and sees and beautifully and eloquently bare another's soul with words that are more than just a good read. Absolutely captivating and leaves one speechless and breathless. Thank You!

anonymous Jan 26, 2015 11:11am

Dear Anna..Wonderful talent, and an exquisite downpour of emotions…a beautiful piece of work…brought back memories of love, and strangely enough, set me thinking of what my parents share through their 42 years of marriage. Painful, yet so inspiring…I have no words to express what I feel now…Thank you so much !!

    anonymous Feb 23, 2015 10:10pm

    Dhanya, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I hope your parents are well, I wish for you this kind of love. xo

anonymous Oct 13, 2014 3:25am

I cried… and cried…. missing the woman I love that I have not even seen yet…… I Will be arranging to see her soon now. Namaste

anonymous Aug 29, 2014 6:07am

What a most beautiful, tender piece of writing. Thank you for sharing!

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 6:01pm

    Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Dale 🙂

anonymous Aug 28, 2014 6:24pm

I lost my husband six years ago. We were together 41 beautiful years. Your words have touched me so deeply. It's as if you have written what I have lived. And yes, I continue to get up and live each day because this is what he would want me to do. Thank you for expressing so beautifully what I feel

    anonymous Aug 30, 2014 6:04pm

    Diana, my heart aches for you… And yet how fortunate you were able to share those 41 years. Make him proud by living your remaining years with verve, you deserve this. xo

anonymous Jun 13, 2014 2:43pm

I LOVED it. Beautiful words x

anonymous Jun 13, 2014 1:40am

There are very few things that feel like a cool breeze on summers day,.that then sits at home in your heart making you feel renewed and at home.

This is one of them.

I am in love with this piece.

Thank you

    anonymous Jun 13, 2014 9:17am

    Rachel, your words of appreciation are beautiful. Thank YOU. xo

anonymous May 18, 2014 11:42am

Anna that was so beautiful it made my eyes wet …xoxo Linda W

    anonymous May 24, 2014 10:56am

    Love you, my friend! Try reading it out loud. Yikes! xo

anonymous May 15, 2014 3:36pm

Tomorrow I go for heart surgery, but today I want you to know ………..
You filled my lonely heart with one last dream and you made see through your eyes the life we should have seen. You will find what you seek because you speak form the heart and you are brave enough to seek what you want. If I die tomorrow I want you to know that I am grateful that we met today.

    anonymous May 17, 2014 12:18am

    I hope your surgery went really well.I pray your day starts with the words of the poem you read.Smiling,laughing,sharing,the things life has to offer.As we get older we experience difficult situations life throws our way.We forget to do the things we started doing before heartaches came our way.I hope I can accomplish these things in life with loved ones.Much Love….

      anonymous May 24, 2014 10:55am

      Dawn, you are beautiful. And kind. (Hand on heart) thank you for your compassion for Albert. xo

    anonymous May 24, 2014 10:54am

    Albert. Wow. Thank you so much for such touching words. I pray your surgery went well and that the rest of your years be filled with joy and hope and love. Please let us know how you are doing. xo 🙂

anonymous May 15, 2014 5:40am

I'm usually one of many words, but not today, not here. So gripping – tugged at every heart string in my body. I sometimes find myself longing for the day where my misses and I can begin to live our lives hand in hand. These sort of gems remind me that if I keep looking ahead, the beauty of the moments and people before me can go so easily missed. Gotta always keep trudging along…so much good out there…so much beauty to intake. I'm smiling 🙂

    anonymous May 24, 2014 10:52am

    Tanvir, thank you for smiling, for writing, for feeling, and for hoping! I'm so glad my words touched you. It's why I write! With much gratitude, AJ 🙂

anonymous May 15, 2014 3:20am

I live for the moment and don't hold back … that just reinforces everything. Thankyou for sharing 🙂 x

    anonymous May 24, 2014 10:50am

    And thank you, Tracey, for reading and commenting! xo

anonymous May 13, 2014 6:19pm

So beautiful!

    anonymous May 24, 2014 10:50am

    Thank you for reading, Ahsa!

anonymous May 7, 2014 10:00am

These are the words of someone who knows what true love is 🙂

    anonymous May 7, 2014 6:06pm

    Thank you George. I believe I finally really do. :))

anonymous May 7, 2014 2:12am

I particularly liked the fact that you went into detail about each moment. . I used to think life is a do over it is only here once and thats it. so it is very important to live each moment to its fullest . I though tit was a beautifully written with an inspiring insight . thank you and bless you.

    anonymous May 7, 2014 10:49am

    Thank you, Robert, for you kind and thoughtful words. Yes, 'this too shall pass' includes everything. The seemingly good and bad. It's all gone with the flutter of a butterfly wing, so let us try to pay attention and enJoy. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 11:35pm

This moved me…. So simply, so beautifully….thank you

    anonymous May 7, 2014 10:47am

    Michelle, I'm so glad it touched you. That is a huge part of why I write, so thank you as well!

anonymous May 6, 2014 10:52pm

Very touching.

    anonymous May 7, 2014 10:45am

    Thank you for taking the time to comment, Blake. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 7:00pm

So deeply truthful! My son posted this on fb; it’s the kind of love I pray he and all his siblings experience.

Blessed Be!

    anonymous May 7, 2014 10:45am

    Thank you Shannon and your son! I pray everyone finds this kind of love. It can happen. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 5:34pm

Beautiful…

    anonymous May 7, 2014 10:43am

    Thank you, Beautiful(!) Creature 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 3:30pm

This was very well done. Clearly you have experienced love and loss to be able to express these emotions so beautifully. Thank you for this very touching writing.

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:27pm

    Ginger, thank you so much. Yes, I have experienced both and also witnessed it in others. Both are beautiful in their own way. But, yes, also profoundly sad. Life carries on, joy can return.

anonymous May 6, 2014 12:26pm

Beautifully captured…you made my heart both happy and sad…at the same time <3

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:24pm

    Thank you, Lisa. I felt the same way writing it. Much love. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 11:10am

This is beautiful and made my heart tighten strongly. Thank you for sharing!

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:23pm

    dchaley, you are welcome and thank you for reading, to feel is to live. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 11:09am

I lost someone I loved, and this is exactly what I wanted to say to her on this birthday of her's, thank you.

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:21pm

    Sln, my heart goes out to you with gentleness. Tell her, anyway. Thank you for reaching out. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 10:10am

Such a thought-provoking piece. Thank you for sharing your words and heart. 🙂

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:19pm

    Gerry, thank you so much for reading and commenting. 🙂

anonymous May 6, 2014 4:28am

heart breakingly beautiful.. i identify with all of it.. i feel it.. i know these thoughts.. its like my feelings put down in different words.. this touches me deep down inside.. these are the words i never got to say.. thanks for this..

    anonymous May 6, 2014 5:18pm

    Zondra, I feel tenderness toward you. Lost love forever leaves an empty space. Keep dear the memories. xo

anonymous May 5, 2014 9:24pm

(thepeachtreeca) Thank you so much for taking the time, much appreciated! xo

anonymous May 5, 2014 7:26pm

so clear and honest … thank you! x

    anonymous May 5, 2014 11:29pm

    And thank you, Tammy for reading it and your kind words 🙂

anonymous May 5, 2014 10:21am

I have no words! Beautiful, thank you for sharing.

anonymous May 5, 2014 8:22am

This is beyond beautiful, Anna <3

    anonymous May 5, 2014 9:23pm

    Thank you, Emily! From the heart 🙂

anonymous May 4, 2014 9:21pm

Your title caught me… If I died today, I wanted you to know"… it immediately hit me straight in my heart centre. Before I even read the article, I thought – deeply – If I knew that I will die today, what is it that I would want people to know? Immediately all the little grudges that I don't necessarily want to admit to, all the self righteous reasons I've told myself are completely legitimate excuses for my behaviour in the past, all of the silly little things other people did, that really, outside of the way that I thought about their actions, have little to no impact on my whatsoever… all of it came tunneling down and incorporated most of the jolt in my heart (and partly in my throat, and interestingly enough, a subsequent tightening of the reins of my emotions…)

    anonymous May 5, 2014 9:22pm

    Thank you so much, Michele 🙂 if we remembered this every day, how different our world would be. xo

Denise Gem Apr 14, 2017 7:21pm

Bless you Anna. This brought tears, but those of hope and joy. I spent years settling. Now I am content enjoying my life as it is and looking for just this. Thank you for bringing clarity to some of my own thoughts. Beautiful.

Monika Carless Mar 26, 2017 6:30pm

Love this!

Mike Saraka Dec 14, 2016 10:28am

Thanks Anna. Going through a difficult time now with a crumbling marriage but this gave me hope. Someday soon I will "send it."

Rosrene Joseph Pawar Dec 14, 2016 6:26am

Beautifully written!

Heba Kabeer Dec 14, 2016 5:44am

This is really awesome..

Steven McCarthy-Hunt Aug 28, 2016 10:38pm

Been there. Thats exactly what its like. She gave me the most wonderful seven years and made me the happiest man alive. I still talk to her photographsI every day like shes still here, five years after she left this world for the next one. I was lucky to find in her a love that so many spend their entire lives looking for, but never find. And when the time is right, she will put someone else in my path to carry that journey on. Until then, I will wait.

Lisa Barnett Jul 22, 2016 7:49am

This past week I saw a lady so In need of this connection, that she gave money that she did not have to a person she wanted to badly to experience this deep love with only to find out it was all a scam, I saw the heartbreak In her tears, not for the loss of the actual person but for the loss of the dream that we all hope to find. It made me realize that at the end of the day, we are all the same we all long for this deep fulfilling love. my hope is that those still seeking this love find it, those that have it hold onto it because at the end of our days those are the moments that will truly matter.

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Anna Jorgensen

Anna Jorgensen Dating, love and relationship coach.

A lumberjack’s daughter, I spent my formative years surrounded by virgin forest and hungry grizzly bears in remote forestry camps. The crews were mostly hard-working, good-hearted scruffy men. There was plenty of naked-lady wallpaper, which explains my naughty sense of humour and understanding of how men think. (Hint: It’s not only about sex.)

In 2010, after several “practice” relationships (and a hella lotta “I need help” self-study), I rewrote my self and my life and now wear the cape as “Wingmam.” Yay! My super power is providing one-on-one coaching and study-at-home-in-pj’s online programs that entertain-ucate singles on how to understand the opposite sex, get unstuck, navigate the modern dating world and fast-forward to the fun bits of their happily ever after. (I don’t ask anyone to use cheesy lines or made-up words like I do.)
Love IS the answer, people! ;)

Find Anna here: link to love and laughs.

Connect with Anna’s real, unfiltered Facebook page here (Love IS the answer!).

Watch Anna’s fun-ucational videos on: WingmamTV.