May 7, 2014

Some Call Me a Gypsy. ~ Amanda Webster


Warning: f-bomb ahead!

Travel is a funny thing. It can be freeing, it can be educational, and it will most certainly be a little terrifying.

It doesn’t matter the distance or how long the trip. Exploring the world around us, expands our horizons. Along the way, we discover how to truly love ourselves. Growth can be a painful process. Expansion is the same.

I’ve gotten lost in pain and I’ve been lost in strange cities too. Dark corners tell us so much about ourselves.How we cope with the unknown and where we can turn to next. Like a fork in the road we make decisions that shape the path our lives take us on next.

Travel is addictive and so is personal development. Once you start you can’t stop. I’ve created a curiosity in me that pulses through my veins. I want to understand the world around me. My perspective in any particular situation can make my backpack weigh a little bit more or slightly less.

I didn’t always understand why I needed to “get away”.

Often times, I was asked if I was running away from something. I wasn’t sure whether maybe I was trying to find something. All I knew was I needed to leave. I remember the feeling. My wheels were spinning but I felt stuck in one spot.

In my family, I’m the odd one out. I am both the rock and the free spirit. I’m there when they need me, but I have one shot at this life and I know I need to really own it. I won’t feel guilt to stay close to home. It took tremendous courage to break free from blame or shame, and learn to do what was best for me. Do what really makes me happy.

In my journey to understand my reasons for leaving, I’ve looked at how others look upon my life and their understanding of why I leave:

Some call me a gypsy.

I travel. I don’t love transit, maybe because 99 percent of the time I travel solo. Sometimes I wish I had a travel companion. Someone who already knows where I’m coming from and where I’m going to. Someone who I don’t have to explain my life story to or the choices I’ve made along the way.

Some call me brave.

I go alone because regardless of whether someone comes with me, I will not miss out. When they say “brave” does that mean they see how scared I am? Do they see my sweat and tears? Yeah, I guess I am brave because not moving forward is simply not an option for me.

Some say I’m lucky.

What does luck have to do with it? I make “luck.” Fuck “luck.” I’m grateful for my opportunities. Every single day, I have an amazing new opportunity present itself… I think that’s called momentum. Which happens when I’m shouting out, “Universe, bring it on!”… It delivers.

Some say I’m never going to settle down.

My heart is wild and free. My idea of settling down is getting lost in the heart and mind of another. Maybe I’ll have children and maybe I won’t. Maybe together we’ll travel with our child and maybe we won’t. Perhaps, I believe there is so much more to learn from people and cultures than any traditional education could teach a child. I wouldn’t want my child to just settle.

Some are sad to say goodbye.

My fear of abandonment could be the reason I’m always the one to say goodbye. It hurts me too much to see those I love leave. This is a whole other rabbit hole and right now, I’m not quite ready to eat the mushroom.

Some are not surprised.

They know me too well. They understand my restless soul. There she goes again, they say. They know I wander… it doesn’t mean I’m lost. I can find my way home to them. Maybe I’m a restless soul. Maybe I leave because that’s just what I do. What I’ve come to realize is:

“Wherever you go, there you are.” ~ Origin Unknown

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Apprentice Editor: Sarah Qureshi/ Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: mroach via flickr

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