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May 12, 2014

Staying in a Dead Marriage for the Kids.

kids feet family

A strongly held belief by some parents who are in a dead marriage:

“My kids will be better off if we stay together.”

Hmmm. Really? Do you know that for sure? Do you really know what’s best for your kids in terms of your relationship that has gone south?

We assume we know what’s best for our children all the time, and sometimes we do. And other times, we really don’t.

Here’s my two cents:

Now that you’ve watched the video, leave a comment below.

If you think that the point of marriage is to “strengthen the union,” vs strengthening the individuals that make up the union, that is certainly one way to see marriage. My bias however, is that the most inspiring relationships are when two differentiated individuals are being true to themselves.

I see marriage as a path to become who we are. If I’m in a dead marriage that’s been stuck for years, and one partner refuses to work on it, and I stay in it, I’m abandoning myself in service of some moral obligation to teach my kids a lesson. This attitude is run by fear. I’m making decisions from fear as opposed to love and inspiration.

The good news is that whatever we choose, we model that behavior to our children all day every day and they then live that relationship map out later in their life.

So, consider this different view—that maybe the best thing for your kids is for you to be true to yourself. Why? Because that models being a real human being. Not a good boy, a good girl, or a zombie, but someone courageous enough to be themselves, no matter the cost.

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Relephant:

How to Get Divorced like a Grown Up.

For the mommas:

~

 

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Editor: Renée Picard

Image: Bhumika Bhatia at flickr

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