3.6
July 23, 2014

A Leo’s Love Manifesto.

leo lion

I wrote this journal entry/poem exactly one year ago from today, which is the day the sun enters the sign of Leo.

I was overcome what felt like life-crippling heartbreak. I was overwhelmed with sadness and grief from the pain, the letting go, and the ‘what could be.’

Writing has always been a way to sort through my feelings, to be unbiased in my counsel to myself. Through my unbridled confessions in my writings, I am able to break through my uncertainty and find the clarity that keeps me pulling through, day after gloriously beautiful day.

I share this here partially because I want to share an unfiltered view of myself with the world—it’s good for us to expose these vulnerable parts.

But also because I believe many of you can relate to the plethora of unfiltered emotions, the intensity that comes with being a Leo (and well, human).

I write it as encouragement in empathy for ourselves. Sometimes things are confusing. Sometimes we have no idea why we’re going through a particular hardship and where we will end up.

Sometimes we’re tired of manifesting.

I felt this pretty much all of last year. But here I am, one year later. In the happiest, healthiest relationship I could imagine. It totally took me by surprise. Was it only a year ago I was pining for my ex? Felling lonely and devoid?

By writing and expressing myself, by not judging myself in my darker moments, and by holding a (somewhat) clear vision in what I know I deserve, it all came to me.

So let this be a reminder to just breathe and appreciate that moody Cancer is over! Let’s all embrace the Leonine nature that’s inside us! We shall dance our own dance, live in a glorious way, and remember just how precious and valuable we all are.

I want to be loved.

I want to feel it’s passion and embrace.
To feel its warmth and intoxicating familiarity and newness.
I want to be held. I want to be cherished.
Treated like a treasure.

Yet also the down home girl that I am.

I want love.

An equal, mutual exchange.
Embraced by its security.
An equal empowerment, respect, desire.
Balanced communication.

I wonder how I can move on when a huge part of me doesn’t want to let go.
Of my hurt?
Of the man who stole my heart?
Well it wasn’t his for the taking.

But I offered it on a silver platter, full of bells and whistles.
He intrigued me, made me feel desired and desirable.
He made me proud to be his partner.
Yet I never really felt validated in that way.

I backed away. I shied off. I resisted.

I had a facade of the ideal person, the ideal relationship.
And I desperately didn’t want to break it.

But I did. Because I knew it wasn’t right. It needed to start fresh.
I feel badly for the hurt I may have caused, the blame I placed.
But I feel vindicated in sharing and standing up for my worth.
It needed to happen. I needed to break free.

I’m afraid to let go. I still love.
But I need to validate myself,
stick to things, feel,
and move forward.

I feel anger, shame, guilt, doubt, fear, loss, trepidation, sadness, loss, sorrow.
I feel new beginning, a chance to learn and start anew.

I am who I am and I will be with someone who makes me feel more truly myself than ever before.
I am with someone who allows me to accept myself through my flaws, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses.
My love rallies and validates me in my confidences and my success. My purity and failure.

I am human. I am emotion. I am power.

I sometimes fear the affect of my harsh words, demanding emotions, and lash tongue.
I fear the places they could put me with others.

But I am pure. And I am learning to express my emotions and my needs.
I am growing. I am morphing. I am human. I am transcending.

I really do love you, querido.
But when it comes down to it, I love myself more.

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Pius Mahimbi at Flickr

 

You must be logged in to post a comment. Create an account.

Marj Dec 12, 2015 1:57am

Eery is right. This brought me to tears. I feel like I can’t be loved. I’m stubborn. I’m withdrawn. I expect too much at times because I give so much. I expect people to put as much into a friendship or relationship with me as I do them. I always end up feeling let down because it’s just not ever going to happen. Thank you so much for this article it answers so much.

Lisa F. Jan 28, 2015 4:12pm

Jessica,

What I just read was so eerily comparable to my own self and relationship experience!

Are all Leos that much the same?! LOL

Your article was an enjoyable read. Thank you !

piaspurpose Jul 26, 2014 5:17am

"it’s good for us to expose these vulnerable parts." This one sears right through the heart and let's the good light come in. I'm a Leo myself and when it comes to the heart, we realize that it's all we have in us. Thank you for sharing this to the world.

Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.

Jessica Cartwright

Jessica Cartwright is on a mission to make the world a better place, one happy mom at a time. She provides mothers with the tools they need to support themselves, so that they can support their loved ones. She teaches pre and postnatal yoga locally in her hometown of Bozeman and through her virtual course, Mamas with Spirit. Her obsessions include making sourdough bread, sunshine, and her daughter Bella. Stop by and say hi on Instagram or her website.