I Am Looking For Love. ~ Tui Anderson

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You know what it is not ok to say anymore? That you are looking for love.

We singletons get told all sorts of well-meaning things if we say we want to find love:

“You have to be love yourself first.”
“If you are coming from lack or want, it won’t happen.”
“You have to be ok being on your own.”
“There is a reason you are single/you are manifesting this/you create your own reality.”

Well, I am going to say, “Stop!”

I have heard them all, I have worked through them to at least a reasonable degree and I want to reclaim the other side. I am going to say that I am looking for love. I know I am tired of loving with nobody to love.

I am looking for Great Love.

Yes, I “trust the journey,” yes, I know there are no wrong paths and yes, I know everything is perfect just the way it is… and yes, I have had enough of platitudes, yes, I have walked the alone path for long enough and yes, I now want something different.

Something connected. Something evolutionary.

You see, I had Great Love once (long story and he left, not because it wasn’t still Great Love, but because he had to go and figure out how to be a Great Man on his own) and I want nothing less. I deserve nothing less.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a soul mate. Not because I am incomplete, but in order to dance in my completeness. With another complete and whole soul. I can vouch that being whole and ok by yourself has an expiry date! I have been single for most of 10 years—I think that is more than long enough of being whole and alone.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a friend because I have done the alone thing for a really long time. Sure, I am whole on my own and can keep being whole on my own, but that doesn’t mean I have to or want to be on my own forever. I want someone to grow with, someone to help me see the parts of myself that don’t get used when I am on my own.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a partner with whom to spend my time, not because I don’t like my own company, but to expand my thoughts, challenge my beliefs and grow my outlook. A partner in adventures, a partner for dinner, a partner to play with. I have booked enough tickets for one.

And so I am looking.

I am looking for a bed partner, not because I cannot please myself, but to be taken outside of myself. To connect my energy with another in a moment of joy, taking us both out of our minds and into our hearts. And yes, for sex. Not just one-night-stand sex, not just hey-we-are-friends sex, but let’s-connect-and-learn-together sex.

And so I am looking.

Yes, I am looking. And it is ok. I have been through the stages of not-looking, not-wanting and not-needing. I have worked on myself, traveled by myself, dated myself, loved myself—I have done all of these things, several times, over and in cycles. Really—10 years. Sure, I have dated in bits and pieces, but nothing that would be called a relationship.

I am sure I am not the only one. Understandably though, unless you have also been chronically single, I may not always be receptive to your reassurances that I am fine. Yes, I am fine, I am whole, I am happy. And I am looking.

So please don’t give me any more clichés about the way my life is perfect the way it is.

I have the right to want more. I have a yearning inside of me that I want to be able to share without being told I must not love myself enough. Please don’t tell me that I am single so I can work on myself. I am up-to-date with my self. As much as any person can be.

So I am looking for love.

 

 

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Editor: Emily Bartran

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Tui Anderson

Tui Anderson is a traveling homebody with a busy brain and a calm soul. She accidentally became a writer after the Universe answered a frustrated question with a profound thought. In the words of one Buddhist teacher, she is a “fluffy spiritualist” who believes there are no wrong roads to happiness. You can find her on her public Facebook page. Follow in the Twittersphere @TuiFromtheHeart.

Comments

8 Responses to “I Am Looking For Love. ~ Tui Anderson”

  1. TWilliams says:

    Quite possibly the best and most authentic post I have read!!! That doesn't mean other posts, positive quotes, supportive stories are not helpful..they are. This one hit the nail on the head!! I've been thinking it, and it's so very clear to me, but to all the well meaning people (who she quite aptly and gently identified) my belief has them certain I am just not doing something right or enough on my journey. Thank you, thank you for speaking your truth!! I hear you!! May the Universe conspire to speed to you the perfect Great love!!

  2. planetaurora says:

    As a fellow chronically singleton, hells yeah! I am with you 100%…. thank you!

  3. Ally says:

    This is beautiful

  4. margielulu says:

    thank you so much for a fresh perspective that expresses so beautifully why it is that we are drawn into loving relationships – i want to dance with my soulmate too!!!

  5. Mary Tracy says:

    This post! THIS!!!

    Thanks so much for this, Tui.

    You know, I'm beginning to think that the reason why "no-longer-single" people bang on about "you have to be OK being on your own first"-blah-blah, is because they don't want to admit to themselves just how much they hated being single and how desperately they want to be with someone.

  6. Kay Adams says:

    I’m going into my 10 th yr being a widow. I miss that presence of warmth in my life, eating alone, waking up alone . Doing so much for others to keep my life busy & occupied. I like my self, I love myself. I am 110%, I don’t NEED someone to make me whole,, I want someone to share that last wish with, that last smile,adventure or prayer with. I was 49 when I became a widow.

  7. Elena Salini says:

    Thank you!! I was feeling so alone in this. Six years of single for me. I feel as if I’m disappointing my “couple” friends when I say looking for love. It’s as if they want me to stay single, for them. I also hear all the cliches about how love won’t come if you are looking. I think you can miss it if you are closed off or attached to limiting thoughts. i date myself and my city currently but I too want to continue my journey of growth with a someone I love (besides my pug). So cheers to Great Love. It exists!!

    Thanks so much for writing this. Xo

  8. @Sol_Mar_26 says:

    This is beautiful, you have just put into words what has been on my mind for a long time. I have asked myself so many times what else do I need to work on so I can find someone? It's been six years for me…

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