Don’t Miss Your Soul Mate Flags. ~ Grace Cooley

It can be exhilarating to meet a soul mate—that feeling of having known them forever as I look into their eyes is familiar and strange all at the same time.

It can be pleasant, funny, loving and soft. Or it can be like two freight trains colliding head-on. It can also be hauntingly sad.

I have met and loved several soul mates—in many different forms and relationships. Years ago, a soul mate came into my life and only stayed for a few weeks; it was very intense and somewhat confusing. I came home to a Dear Jane letter. I have neither seen nor heard from him again.

One was only in my life for a week or so, before vanishing back into the universe again, exiting my stage to step onto another one somewhere else. This relationship was so intense and immediate, that we burned the karma quickly and completely, no longer romantically/sexually attracted to each other by the end of those short days, but still loved each other.

Upon meeting, we tried to play by society’s rules. We really did.

But we couldn’t.

Within a day of meeting we were naked in my house, breathing each other’s breath again, just like before in other places and times. His mouth was familiar, his kisses exquisite; they felt like coming home. I have not had such beautiful, satisfying kisses since. Just the memory of them can make my breath change tempo.

As soon as we immediately, easily and mutually rotated into one specific and unusual sexual position, we looked at each other in exposed recognition, “Having you right here, right like this, is all I have been able to think about since I met you yesterday.”

I could only agree. It was exactly how I had seen us together too.

This was a man for whom I had no attraction whatsoever until I looked into his eyes. When I looked at his body, I felt no attraction. When our eyes met each time, however, I fell in love all over again. I quite literally, for the first time in my life, felt weak in the knees every time he looked at me.

All I wanted to do was be as close to him as possible as much as possible. It always felt like he would be taken from me. I felt almost desperate to love him as much and as intensely as possible in what felt like the very short time we had together.

Needless to say, we spent most of our time together naked—talking, crying, laughing, making love, f*cking; it was intense, beautiful, raw and cathartic.

We split amicably a few days later, having processed through whatever it was we needed to process together. We gave each other those karmic gifts and were done. We did, indeed, it turned out, only have a few days. But this time we were not torn from each other. This time we truly were complete at the end of our time together.

I have come across many soul mates in many different lifetimes over the years. As a hypnotherapist, I find them all the time—mine and for clients too—in past lives and in this current life.

So much so, that I had to change my definition of “soul mate” at some point.

I now define “soul mate” as a soul with whom I have had so many meaningful encounters in so many other lifetimes and dimensions, that I feel I know them almost instantly upon meeting them again. They feel so familiar, like family, like instant friends. We can play just about any role for each other too: friend, lover, child, grandchild.

I think most folks think of soul mates only as lovers…but I have found that is not necessarily the case.

From so many years of working with past lives, it is my understanding that we, as pure souls/energy, get together before each lifetime and kind of plan out how we are going to meet each other. We set up “flags” for ourselves, so that we recognize the significance of the meeting.

A “flag” is anything that happens in our current life that grabs our attention enough to make us stop and take a second look, or make us become aware that we need to pay special attention to someone/thing. Flags often look or feel like déjà vu, or like something weird and surreal. It gets our attention. It causes us to “wake up,” to come up out of the habitual, treadmill, hazy state we usually coast along in.

“I knew I had known you before, because when I saw you, time seemed to slow down and everything was moving in slow motion,” was what one lover said to me, explaining the flag he experienced on seeing me for the first time.

I have met and loved soul mates that feel like friendly companions—like the only reason we agreed to meet again was just because we love and miss each other and want to be together again. We don’t necessarily have any big lessons for each other. We just want to give each other the gift of resting into a nice, easy, calm relationship.

The ones that are heart breaking, though, are the ones where timing is an issue. We meet them as planned, we experience the flag and know it is important, but we have made past decisions that prevent us from being lovers.

It is not that I love my current lover less after I meet a soul mate, but I can very clearly feel the missed opportunity with the soul mate and must accept it—maybe even mourn its passing. I have never broken up with a current lover to be with a new soul mate, but I have been very attracted to and tempted by that idea.

It can be so sad when it happens—to meet them, recognize them and maybe even admit and discuss it with them, but to be unable or unwilling to actually do anything about it.

Brian Weiss, the famous hypnotherapist who has written several books on the subject, writes about this in Only Love is Real, a book about hypnosis and soul mates finding each other again.

When I think of them, those unrequited soul mates, I can still feel the sudden sting of recognition, how my heart seems to fly up out of my chest into the sky when I look into their eyes, followed quickly by the descending realization that we will not be lovers this lifetime, the heartache, and finally the soft longing and sadness that still linger for paths not taken.

Of course you are thinking, “But you can still be friends with them, right?” Yes, that is possible, but I find it can be difficult, because as the friendship grows, so does the longing.

Have you ever had a friend that you fell in love with, only to know (or find) that they cannot or do not or will not reciprocate? It is not fun for anyone involved.

My wish for you, Dear Reader? May your flags be obvious and your timing and decisions always impeccable. Godspeed.



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ajk201 Mar 2, 2016 3:35pm

Oh have I ever met someone and felt very connected to them beyond words….but yet was unable to do anything about it. I met her about a year and a half ago now through of all things a private boxing session I had with her. She was/is a well known boxer with multiple world championships to her credit before she retired from the sport, and I saw she was coming my way and decided to go and see her just for a new experience. I'd done wrestling/domination style sessions previous to her, and was curious to try something different, learn to box perhaps a bit. I actually almost wasn't gonna see her due to funds, but decided to just go for it as who knew if the chance would arise again right?

Well when we met and sessioned…..I felt a chemistry with her…..it was very unique to anything I'd ever felt before. I didn't think a ton of it at the time, but I felt her soul, wasn't a physical attraction so much (would notice that more later) but a soul one….there was something deep there, I could sense it.

After we parted…..I started to long for her…..and that's when I started to really realize what was happening….I couldn't stop thinking about her for like 2 WEEKS after the fact. Never had I had that happen in any previous session. Sure I had crushes, lusts, on some, but nothing like this. It totally blew me away. I was ready to up and travel away with her the next day if it came to that, that's how serious the feeling was. She was all I thought about, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep…she was on my mind constantly. I even was researching twin flames in this time thinking….maybe she was it.

I texted her a bit after I saw her….but never got a reply, and after a while I had to move on and sorta let go of the idea that I was gonna be able to have her. Few weeks later, just on a whim after seeing her name pop up on a new video release at a forum I was a member of, I decided to see if she was coming back my way…..and sure enough she was, on my birthday no less! That alone floored me and felt like a sign, and I knew I had to see her again to find out if this whole thing was real or not, once again she consumed my thoughts till we met for the 2nd time. Even got a room where she was staying just in case things played out well.

Unfortunately though…..things didn't go as I was hoping when I did….she had a long term boyfriend (something I knew even before though it had been some time since I knew that) and she had no desire to leave him and didn't see that changing. she did say she'd date me given the chance but didn't see it coming up. We left it at that and I've not seen her since that night though we communicated a little on text after the session. She did pop up single for a very short time sometime later but it didn't last but a week or so before she was back with her boyfriend (only split due to a misunderstanding).

But yeah that's my story….it's not something I'll ever forget anytime soon for sure…..relationships like that, love and such, is really a funny thing isn't it? As it stands today, I've grown very close to someone I've known online for 3 years plus now and may well end up with her but this is one experience I'll always remember just the same no matter what happens from here.

cosmikali Sep 6, 2015 6:54pm

maybe if you are polyamorous and respect every relationship as meaningful and not threatening to the relationships you already have established, perhaps you could actually go forward and experience those cosmic opportunities without having to mourn the passing of a missed out experience with a soulmate just because you are in a relationship that is meaningful to you at the moment. all relationships are valid and useful, so don't possess your partner so that you own't be possessed, be honest and open and unlearn your programmed jealous reactions and evolve beyond them.

bridgette Aug 25, 2015 2:44pm

I would just like to commend EJ for using a photo that is not heteronormative, like they usually do, and hope to see more varied depictions of relationships in the future.

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Grace Cooley

Grace Cooley is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Registered Psychotherapist in Ft. Collins, CO, USA. She sees clients and facilitates Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women. She’s a flaming, Earth-loving, tree-hugging, save-the-Planet, believes-in-faeries, bike-riding, card-carrying, spiritual-but-not-religious, hippie cowgirl liberal poet—yep, they do exist. You can find her blog here and her creations here. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.