I feel like I have held back the words and the feelings for way too long, in an attempt to protect and somewhat control the outcome.
I wanted to abide by my own mantra of “living in the moment”—but when I’m consumed by one dream after another and one forgiving feeling day after day, I know what is looming and where it’s all going.
This has been my circle of life in one way or another. I search for different ways to connect, different heart openings to ping, and different ideas to reinvigorate what dwindled away the past few months. As I reflect on this, it occurs to me that I have held my privacy and heart intact.
It has been my theme since I was a little girl, always holding things in until they burst forth in a moment of joy or sadness.
What this recent super moon dredged up was the finality of my own personal moving forward, and emotions are bubbling up at all hours.
I had thought all the other months of eclipses and full moons and super moons were resounding in their own right, but the echoes of this one is sure to surpass the previous luminescent orbs in every way, shape, and form—and for many months to come.
Maybe it’s my own personal account of where this time in my life is taking me.
Maybe I have been deducing it all to what is real and what works and what doesn’t. Maybe I am deconstructing every last ounce of my old self and rebuilding a new one. It has been painful and confusing and all-too-necessary.
I feel everything.
Whether it is part of this new awakened plan gripping our souls, all creative and inner wild beings are opening up and discovering where we belong and who we belong to. We are like a tribe of people who do our best to bring forth new ideas and words on any given day.
The art we put on display for all to see is what gives us that very modest nature to retreat into a cocoon until the hubbub has passed of whatever words or paintings or music has been brought to life.
We forge these new pathways to give others a chance to feel what it is we feel, from an extremely deep place. I even think, given the heavenly exchanges and dances of late, that the depths of emotions have been amped up to the highest levels of humankind, where every being on earth is experiencing their own personal transformation and a new pathway formed.
It causes sudden bursts of adrenaline in the worst kind of way. I mean, how often does one go through a growth spurt and encounter only the good?
There has to be a fall before a rise. There has to be a mess before a cleanup. There has to be a shadow balanced with the light.
And most of all, feeling every bit of this process is exactly why it is so needed.
These new pathways come at a time when the world is ready. We are all being set wild and free in our own vortexes of energy, to move forward collectively and consciously, until another 20 or so years have passed. It might even dwell for longer, where our new transformation is full to the brim with more peace and harmony than we know what to do with.
All I can picture in my brain is how each and every one of us has a mission to fulfill. We cannot do it without the help of each other. Our hearts were designed to reach out and connect, yet I’m so weary of people being fearful and not trusting, either of themselves or other people and animals. I had way too many years of being caught in this conundrum of trust versus doubt versus faith versus love, and there is always more work to do. If we lump them all together in one big pile, the doubt usually gets weeded out due to the bigness of the other feelings.
We can carve these new pathways with trust, faith, and love. I need to continually listen to my inner guide. She has been pushing me and testing me these recent weeks, and sometimes with more power than I have the strength to push back. But there is that glimmer, that one spark when you finally realize what is truly special and meaningful and all-too real. And, I keep going.
This blissful state of moving forward is apparent. The tender and deep moments of all this energy of the current washes over me during my quiet times.
I bow to them in silence and with tears, and know that I have done my best.
I cannot repeat the past, nor do I choose to. I have opted to bless it, to hold it sacred, to smile with memories, and to always be grateful with every aspect of what life has given me.
Our Universe holds the reins to take what it knows, crash it to the earth, reconstruct it in a wondrous way, and seal it with a soulful smooch. The feeling creative souls are opening up again post haste, with unbridled enthusiasm, and I am almost relieved. Too many months of feeling so much for so long has taken its toll on my heart, on everyone’s heart.
We are all in this as one. I can even thank that big super moon, and the many more moons (both full and new) to come, for she has the ultimate say in how we ebb and flow in this feeling life of ours.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Renée Picard
Image: hartwig at Flickr