We’ve been told the law of attraction is the key to getting everything we want in life, but here’s a dirty little secret that only a few people know: the law of subtraction is where it’s at.
Because knowing what you don’t want enables you to know what you do want.
Subtracting two nasty F words from our mind—Fears and our Failures—allows us to attract a life we love.
What does this mean?
It means that too often we fill our heads with positive affirmations while at the same time, secretly worrying about all the things that might go wrong in life.
Our negative thoughts and worries actually cancel out our good thoughts because negative thinking spikes adrenaline, and adrenaline gets our attention fast.
Instead of concentrating on what we do want in life, we first need to release all the thoughts of what we don’t want. And let me tell you, this is a heck of a lot easier to think about than actually do, but I’m going to share two tricks with you.
What doesn’t work when you’re striving for a fulfilling life is to try and talk yourself out of what you don’t want (your fears). Doing this is like trying to prevent yourself from thinking about pink elephants.
See? The minute I mention them, you’re off visualizing them. Stop it. No, stop it right now!
Not so easy or effective, eh?
When we bury our fears and cover them up frantically with positive thinking, they fester and grow. We can’t frost a cake made of crap with beautiful positive affirmation frosting.
Alternatively, when we bring fear out into the open and then rip off its protective positive thinking coating and shine a spotlight on it, we can see fear clearly for what it is: False Evidence Appearing Real.
Let me give you a hot example:
Do you worry your spouse might cheat on you? If you bury that fear, and try to reassure yourself everything is fine, you’ll create a hot bed of paranoia that feeds into every aspect of your relationship. The brain knows you have a secret worry and your brilliant mind looks for proof that your fear might be correct in every moment.
Suddenly you’re touchy, fearful, and hyper-sensitive.
If instead you sat yourself down one day and admitted: “okay, I’m afraid my spouse will cheat on me.” Your next step is to play it out in your mind to completion.
Sound crazy? Well let me tell you, what’s crazier is to pretend you’re not fearful and ignore that fear.
First admit to yourself that you’re fearful, then let your mind go crazy with it’s ever imaginative fearful story telling. Really allow imagination to run wild and let the scene play out in your mind.
They are cheating on you! You knew it! What a scum bag and a loser, what a sneaky son of a bitch, what a little ho. So what will you do? You’ll confront them.
And they will either admit it or they won’t. But you’ll have proof so you’ll either go to therapy and work it out, or you’ll leave them.
And if you leave them…well then, what will you do? You might stay with friends, go home to family, or start over in your own place. Then, based on your financial situation, you’ll either get a job or you won’t. Then what? Well, time will go on, you will grieve, and your heart will heal. Then…chances are you will meet someone new…who won’t cheat on you. You will either fall in love and start over, or you will live blissfully happy and single for the rest of you life.
Now the wild card here:
You may play that scene out in your mind and realize: “hey, this is crazy, my spouse loves me and is loyal. They would never ever cheat on me.”
But you take back control from that crazy wild horse mind of yours.
Instead of worrying about an outcome you have no control over, you play your fear out to completion and then deal with it. You seal that fear off with a solid period at the end of the sentence because you’ll either start laughing at the absurdity of your fear… or you’ll realize you can handle it if and when, it comes to pass.
Once you clear out your fear (and this may take a few rounds of practice as it arises again and again), it will lessen its hold on you. That fear literally loses it’s oomph and zing when it crosses your mind.
Next, quit beating yourself up for all of your failures in life.
Ever start a job or a relationship you didn’t like?
Sometimes we have to taste something bad to know we don’t like it and life unfolds this same way.
Think back on every relationship you’ve ever had.
You definitely learned what you liked, and obviously learned what you didn’t like right? Next round, you won’t stick your hand in that honey pot if it appears to have those less than desirable traits.
You’re smarter. You choose more wisely.
If you were my client, I’d ask you to make a list of all of your so called failures in life. Your jobs, your relationships, all of them. Next, I’d pick you up off the floor and urge you to look back over each “failure”, and make a list of everything you learned and the good that came from each particular door closing.
When we remove our “so called failures” from memory, our self-esteem can free itself from the negative muck and soar.
There are no mistakes. Every past failure led you somewhere. Even miserable life occurrences took us towards something new.
Letting your mind clear out and release those so-called failures in life, frees up an incredible amount of energy and space. Space to create and attract what you really want in life, versus attracting in low vibration, low self-esteem situations that match those perceived failures from your past.
We need to realize every mistake was merely a step on the path towards what we really want in life.
When we let our fears play out to the point of laughing at them, or finding comfort in knowing we can handle them if they come to pass, we create more space for what we do want.
When we let go of our perceived mistakes, we free our self esteem from failure and launch ourselves towards success.
Thinking about what you do want in life is nice. But subtracting what you don’t want—in order to clear the slate for what you do want—is extraordinary.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Renée Picard