10 Sex Techniques to Evolve Your Lovemaking. {Adult}

Via Rachel Astarte
on Sep 22, 2014
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The art of making love is a life-long practice, and most of us are perfectly fine with that.

As your sexual savvy ripens, here are a few time-tested and relatively new sexual techniques that may enrich your journey.

1. Coital Alignment Technique

An easy technique that enhances intimate connection is the coital alignment technique. The man slides two to four inches forward from the typical missionary position. Instead of resting on his elbows, his arms should cup his partner’s shoulders so his body lies flat against hers. Both partners’ spines should be straight, and the base of his penis should naturally rub the woman’s clitoris.

The woman’s legs should be straight out and touching his while she pushes her pelvis upward about two inches. At this point, the man can push down gently to give a little resistance. With this technique, there is no in-and-out movement; it’s an up-and-down rocking. To bring him in deeper, the woman can spread her inner thighs even wider and wrap her ankles gently around his calves. With your bodies moving so closely together and in unison, it’s a subtle yet very pleasurable way to make love intimately.

2. Riding the Waves

Here’s a technique you can do with a partner or alone. It’s an ancient sexual practice designed to delay pleasure and thereby heighten your eventual release.

It’s very simple: Bring yourself—or you and your partner should bring each other—just to the brink of orgasm, but not over the threshold. Stop all movement and stimulation. Take a deep breath in and squeeze your genital muscles. Feel the energy rise through the center of your body. As you exhale, feel the energy drop back down. Do this three times. On the fourth, go for the reward: Full release!

Practicing this technique alone is recommended if you typically orgasm quickly or if you’d just like to prolong the lovemaking experience with your partner.

3. Sensual Massage

Sexual technique is not always about doing super tricks in bed. Much of lovemaking occurs before the act of intercourse even begins. In part, knowing how to be a good lover means knowing how to touch. Sensual massage is a wonderful way to connect to your partner, and to learn what feels good to him/her. It is also a very bonding act. Three basic types of massage can be practiced.

There’s a general soothing massage, where you simply use oils or lotion and gently rub your lover’s body head to toe. In a body-to-body massage, you use your own body to assist in the massage, sliding up and down his/her back, using hair, nails or even playful bites. Some massage sessions may progress to masturbating your partner as part of the rub-down. Pay attention to your partner’s reactions as you massage or establish ahead of time what type of massage you will give/receive so that both of you achieve the maximum pleasure.

4. Erotic Talk

Don’t underestimate the power of words as a first-rate sexual technique. Erotic talk can be done during sex or when you and your partner are not together and want to keep the flames burning (having phone sex, for example).

However, many people are at a loss about what to say during sex. Sometimes it helps not to think of it as talking “dirty” to your partner. Simply telling him/her what you would like to do with him/her is arousing enough. Alternatively, you can share a fantasy or an erotic dream.

Keep in mind that your partner may have difficulty opening up verbally. Respect that. Always pay attention to your lover’s comfort level.

5. Pump the PC

The pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle, is located at the bottom of the pelvis and connects the anus and genitals to our legs and the bones we use for sitting. It controls the opening and closing of the urethra, seminal canal, vagina, and anus.

How does this information translate into a sex technique? By strengthening this muscle, men can stay erect longer by stimulating blood flow to the penis. Women benefit by being able to hold the penis more tightly in the vagina.
Here’s a technique to strengthen the muscles: Squeeze or contract the muscle as quickly as you can 10 times in a row. Inhale and hold the last contraction for 10 seconds then release as you exhale. You can do this anywhere. At work, watching TV, in the car… Women can practice this rhythmic contracting and squeezing while her partner penetrates her for added stimulation of the penis and heightened pleasure for herself.

6. For Deeper Penetration

Once you’re in the penetration stage of lovemaking, there is a technique men can use to thrust even deeper than they may have realized they could. Some positions, such as the Blossoming Flower—or any other position where the woman’s legs are spread and her hips are even slightly elevated—are best for this technique.

On the in-thrust, just when you think you cannot go any deeper, pause for a second, then press just a little further right before you pull back, as though you’ve just swum a lap and are pushing off the wall of the pool. Start slowly at first, to build a rhythm, then you can begin to move faster if you wish.

Your partner should begin to anticipate the final deep push and may even instinctively assist by relaxing her vaginal muscles slightly (to let you in further) or lifting her hips a little higher. For both partners, that extra little push goes a long way toward more intense pleasure.

7. The Art of Seduction

One of the best sexual techniques anyone can learn is how to seduce your lover. It’s not as complex or time-consuming as it may seem. Sometimes, just a simple compliment such as, “You’re so beautiful/handsome” will do wonders for your lover’s self esteem and make him/her more willing and excited to be close to you intimately.

Alternately, you can write a love letter and leave it in a place you know s/he will find it when you are not around. It’s almost guaranteed your lover will be thinking of you all day and will want to get back to you for some lovemaking. If you’re out together, why not flirt the way you did when you first met? Flirting is a wonderful way to keep love fresh and alive.

No matter how you choose to seduce, do something new every once in a while just to let your partner know you care.

8. Sex Toys

Sex toys make a great addition to your sex life, especially when the two of you need a change of pace. If you both decide you’re amenable to it, introduce something simple into your lovemaking like a vibrator.

Men can use a vibrator to help arouse a woman and stimulate her natural lubrication. Perhaps one of the most important sexual techniques a man can learn is how to properly lubricate his partner before he enters her.

Women can use a vibrator on her lover by gently moving it across his testicles and perineum. Be sure to move slowly, here, as this is a sensitive area, and some men are more sensitive than others. In both cases, let your lover tell you what feel right.

9. Erogenous Zones

Basically speaking, the erogenous zones are the areas of the body where we feel heightened sensations of physical pleasure. There are a lot of them for most women and men. Learn them.

Each person is different, so don’t expect that your lover will like the same things as you do or a previous lover did.

Massage is a wonderful way to find these zones, but general touching during lovemaking is the only sure way to discover what your partner does (and doesn’t) respond to. Areas to investigate are nipples, earlobes, neck, scrotum, bellies, feet, inner arm, the small of the back and even armpits.

Since we have nerve endings all over our bodies, almost any body part is capable of delivering pleasure signals to our brains. You’ll never know until you try.

10. Putting on the Sock

Everyone knows how important foreplay is to lovemaking. A great arousal technique, “Putting on the Sock,” comes from the Kama Sutra. “Putting on the Sock” may sound a little odd, but it is actually highly erotic.

The woman lies on her back, while the man sits between her legs and puts his penis at the entrance of her vagina. Slowly, he caresses her vagina with his fingers. The anticipation of penetration is enough to get both of you very aroused, but this is just the beginning.

Next, the man slowly replaces his fingers with his penis, using it (instead of his fingers) in the stroking motion. The continued stroking furthers arousal and should create more than enough natural lubrication. Once the woman is sufficiently turned-on, the man can end the technique by entering his partner.

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Reality Check: I’ve tried every technique on this list…and a few more that rightfully didn’t make the top 10. (You’re welcome.) If you’ve had any experiences with those listed here—or would like to add your own—please share in the comments below.

Whether you and your partner choose to incorporate these techniques into your lovemaking or not, the important thing to remember is that human sexuality is not about impressing your partner with acrobatics and wizardry between the sheets. Above all, sex is communication. It is the sweet song we sing to one another with our bodies. There is no right way to sing this song as long as we do it with loving intention. Stay awake and aware. Be playful. And keep talking.

 

Bonus: How to have a fun, sexy, heartfelt, genuine, mutual experience when making love.

 

Relephant (sexytime) Reads:

6 Ways to have Radically Intimate Sex

The Biggest Secret for Great Sex 

 > Most Women fake Orgasms Because Most Men Fake Foreplay

 

 

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Photo: Athena LeTrelle/Flickr

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About Rachel Astarte

Rachel Astarte is a transformational coach, professional voice-over artist, shamanic practitioner, and peace activist. She is currently completing a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy toward New York State licensure. She is the author of Celebrating Solitude: How to Discover and Honor Your Highest Self.
Rachel online:
Healing Arts New York: Transformational coaching for individuals and couples
Mind Massage: The body massage for your brain
Facebook communities:
Let's Get Intimate
Healing Arts New York
Mind Massage

Comments

28 Responses to “10 Sex Techniques to Evolve Your Lovemaking. {Adult}”

  1. Mark says:

    Sex during a thunderstorm is always great. Well hell, sex during anything is awesome.

  2. The most important thing in lovemaking is to have that true soulful connection with your partner and then to be fully present. Most people will require some time to learn and practice how to be fully present, to not be lost in the mind or visions of others, images, etc.. but to be 100% there, in the moment, feeling every micromovement, pulse, and breath. Sadly in our society, the both parties have had so many images of naked women pressed upon them that the men are daydreaming of someone else and the women are often self conscious thinking about how her body isn't like someone else's, or thinking about the stresses of the day or things that need to be done, etc. Be present, fully present.

  3. solitudepractice says:

    Absolutely, NS. Aho!

  4. solitudepractice says:

    I'd also add that anything during a thunderstorm is awesome. Thanks for your thoughts, Mark!

  5. TJC says:

    I do a modified combination of 1 and 6. It works best on a bouncing bed. I shift myself a little forward. At the end of my thrust, not only do I press a little further, but I also rotate my hips up. From what I’m told, it also stimulates other regions as well. The whole motion becomes more of rocking motion, rather than thrusting.

  6. Wesley Williams says:

    Love the thoughtfulness of this article. The massage idea is one I've known for a long time and it was one of my late wife's favorite techniques. The day I realized I could give her a shattering orgasm through touch alone, it was like discovering the meaning of life. Our 35 years together became even sweeter and more profound. Thanks for bringing the memories back again.

  7. Nissa conner says:

    Sex is wonderful…

    No doubt in it. But for me whispering works…a little blow on neck…moving fingers on cheeks.. Playing with tits…blowing in navel..back neck kissing…. All works for instant arousal in woman…and for my man a short text…sensual massage… Earlobe suck… All works wonderful… And ofxourse thunderstorm ;-).

  8. Teo says:

    Best technique for men to know. Turn yourself into the vibrator. If you have ever played a horn instrument then you get the gist. Purse the lips together as tightly as possible, draw the corners of the mouth far apart as if puckering in the cheeks. Keeping the lips as tightly closed as possible send as much air pressure between the lips as possible at first to practice. Try concentrating the vibrating sensation to a very central point at the center. You can practice with varying intensity and different patterns of vibration or just a solid steady drone. Once you have this down you should be able to do it to the tip of your finger and feel an intense vibration/tickling sensation. You are ready. Arouse the woman with a good deal of foreplay to ensure that the clitoris is aroused and enlarged. Use your fingers to push away any excess skin that might mask the clitoris and isolate it with your pursed lips and begin the road to an amazing sexual journey. At first most women will jump away and scream and then erupt in laughter. It is very loud and sounds like you are giving the vagina a raspberry, which you are essentially. At first your partner may only be able to take less than 5 minutes before having an orgasm or squirting. But over time a tolerance can be built, like with most things, and this can lead to a 30 minute session where the end result is a mind shattering, shaking mass on the floor, can walk or speak for the next 10 minutes kind of orgasm. It's great to add in if the male needs a break to keep from climaxing too early but doesn't want the female counterpart to lose any momentum. i wish more men knew about this technique because it is absolutely wonderful!

  9. Laura says:

    I know this is a big subject and is not completely in line with the post, but I am coming out of a conservative mindsets in regards to sex and am finding it difficult to orgasm with my partners. Not sure if it is mental or physical but am open to suggestions. Thanks

  10. Amanda says:

    Love your article – very mindful, well-written, and great insight into intimacy! However I do wish it didnt operate with the preassumption that a woman pleasing her partner means he is a man and vice versa 🙂 Just something to keep in mind.

  11. Phyllis says:

    What are some things you can do when your man weighs 360 and you are only 146 our sex life is awesome but always willing to try something new

  12. Phyllis says:

    That turned me on

  13. Ashley says:

    Me too.

  14. Sarah says:

    Agreed

  15. Britt says:

    It used to be really hard for me to orgasm. 1. It was because I wasn't ready but felt like I HAD to perform and 2. It was because I was way too into my head and couldn't fuxking relax! Just relax, focus on what feels good and let your body do what it naturally wants to. It's important to have a partner that is patient and determined to get you to climax as well. If you have someone 'give up' on you, you will feel like a burden.

  16. Fitness says:

    What is thunderstorm?

  17. guest says:

    You could try doing the sensual massage and then straddling his chest/stomach facing his feet while giving him a well lubed hand job. And if you arch your bottom up a bit then he will still have a good view of all your juicy bits and he can finger you or caress you at the same time.

  18. Dana says:

    Think of having an orgasm as a type of meditation. The more you relaX and feeel, the more in your body, the easier it will get. The less thoughts about am I taking too long, is he doing good, the less in your mind, the easier it will get. An experienced man will place all focus on you and at the same time you should be too. Over time it will get easier and easier!

  19. LiveLove says:

    I completely know how you feel. It takes me a long time to climax. Most times it doesn't happen and it turned me away from sex as often as my late partner would have wished. But I felt like I wasn't getting the love out of it, and that a quick shabang for him wasn't very appealing to me anymore. Not that he didn't try to get me there sometimes, but I felt saddened that I couldn't get there easier. We are not burdens, our true flame just has yet to be lit. I'm so excited for that moment.

  20. catstalk says:

    get a new man. sorry, but you want what? If yu love your man, then tell him to go on a diet, so that you will have more time to love him.

  21. signaturefarm says:

    Excellent advice!

  22. Christina Lynn says:

    I came out of a conservative marriage and religion which taught that masturbation was bad. Guilt, shame, and the pressure of "sin" damages our natural sexuality. If you are ready to embrace yourself as a beautiful, deserving, sexual woman, let go of these negative, outside influences. It's not easy, but you can do it. I know, I have.
    Also, go to an adult store and buy a small, egg-shaped vibrator. Practice with it. You will discover what is stimulating to you. What motions and vibrations feel most pleasurable to you. Then you can share with your partner. Communicate what feels good and what you like.

  23. Christina says:

    Wow! Thanks for that. I'll keep that in my back pocket for the next available opportunity.

  24. Fin says:

    You can share a What I like diary. Share all the things that turn you on and what you would like to do with and for your partner, then invite them to choose one and do it. Its a turn o thinking about what you would like, both for the writer and the reader and of course lots of fun at the practical stage. Enjoy.

  25. Danielle says:

    Aww. No mention of prostate massage.

  26. TahitiNut says:

    I find that it's FAR more pleasurable to enjoy the journey and stop worrying about the destination. In fact, making the love-making last longer and enjoying it for everything it is makes the intimacy that much more intense.

  27. TahitiNut says:

    Agreed whole-heartedly …. and BE GENTLE with the clitoral "pearl." Light, feathery touches with moistened fingers and only increase the stimulation when SHE thrusts herself towards the pressure. The clitorus is more than the "pearl" and the shaft, however and extends down alongside the urethral and vaginal openings as well as deeper inside. All of it is sensitive and worthwhile stimulating.

  28. TahitiNut says:

    And if the weather is warm, sex OUTSIDE in a thunderstorm is awesome!

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