You are killing me.
Softly. Without remorse. Without effort.
The thought of you touching me, yeah…right at that spot…has me bound and gagged, tormented and pleasured, beyond measure. The thought of those little pieces of you all over me…cooling me, making me hot, quenching my thirst while leaving me begging for more…ensuring our union glides while you securely hold me in place…has me.
How did it happen? When did I fall? I didn’t feel the sensation until now, at the point where my feet have almost touched the ground.
Was I so blatantly unconscious that I couldn’t even feel the air rushing past me or see the clouds zooming by?
Your eyes. That’s where I became lost.
The little way your lips move as you smile, the curve of your neck, the way your breasts press tightly to the shrouds you hide behind. I was not unconscious at all, just merely fixated on what mattered in the moments I was dreaming of you. Who cares about the rushing air when you can feel your breath grow deeper? Who can see the clouds when you have heaven before your eyes? Who can hear anything at all when your heart is beating so loudly?
There is a depth behind the throbbing seat of desire in which you stand, in which I fall. In equal rhythm beats a throb within my chest and a drum within my mind. They feed off one another; they are one in the same.
I’m crying and laughing at the same moment. Distance and time seem like some great river before me. I can hear you shouting for me across its winding rapids. I can sense you needing me even as I feel the fear of drowning. I’ve wondered what I’d do if I ever got here, and I wonder if you feel it too.
What else can my mind create? I’ve been inside you a hundred times in the wonderful spaces in which I dream. I’ve heard you whisper words that have raised bumps on my skin. I’ve created raging rivers too, masterminded great scenes of fear, and discovered things about myself just in the realization of you. I’ve left the trail cold only to realize it over and over again.
I’ve touched the edges of the universe, held onto newly-born stars, dove into never-ending pools of great horror and great beauty. I’ve felt your hand poke beneath the surface to touch me, and have seen the forgiving bubbles that have followed your diving in.
I’ve tasted your sweat as I’ve tasted you to the point where I can’t tell the difference. I’ve seen your pleasure and felt your ecstasy to equal measure. I haven’t forgotten….
This f*cking river. Make it go away, please. I can’t cross it without permission, and I can’t stand the fact its sound drowns out your voice from the other side. Calm the raging foam, I beg of you. Let the life beneath its tortured surface rise. Let your arms be filled, let your heart overflow, just allow your dreams to get the best of you.
Take me in all the way. Grasp me firmly with your softness, hold me tightly there. Don’t fear my hardness, take it all the way in. Don’t tread lightly on my heart, for it is bedrock, it is the firmest place on which I build my temple. Do not fear offending my mind, it has been well-conditioned to see beyond the mist, beyond the insanity of raging rivers and burned bridges. We will love despite ourselves. We will know despite all of our misgivings.
I love you. In peace and in war, and all things in between. I await your open arms, and to this end I close my eyes and slowly drift away.
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Editor: Travis May
Image: Samantha Jade Royds/Flickr