How to Manifest the Perfect Lover.

Stumbling upon our perfect love.

Once in a lifetime we may come across the ideal love for us. If we’re lucky. And I got lucky.

“Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.” ~ Seneca

I’ve always believed I would find him. And the waiting—not as brutal as one may think. I have never been the type to twiddle my thumbs—I got busy with self-development so I’d be ready for him when he appeared. I comforted myself with the belief that he was spending his whole life getting ready for me too. Which he was.

Here are the crucial steps to take when manifesting our dream lover.

1. Know ourselves. The key lies in understanding what makes us tick, if we are to find a complementary mate. Taking a brutally honest inventory of ourselves is a great place to start. Being my own best friend is the approach I took.

2. Opening our heart. I used to be a girl who kept her heart hidden deep in a treasure box, only cracking open the lid for a quick peek now and then. I have had a broken heart in the past and it’s definitely made me cautious to open my heart and love again.

Many years of active healing didn’t seem to change the fact that something in my heart just wouldn’t tick. I tried everything—yoga, meditation, massage and art therapy.

One day I took the advice of a friend and spontaneously flipped the switch. All I had to do was finally make the conscious decision to let go of my permanently broken heart. Voilà! It was remarkably easy.

I consciously decided to have a healed and whole heart that was ready for big love. 

3. I made a list of his character traits so I would recognize him when he showed up. Putting my wish-list on a piece of paper actually felt a little generic. Of course I wanted my Mr. Right to embody certain character traits that I fond attractive. Over the years, I hand tailored my preferences.

Kind, attentive, follows his own passions, completely intrigued by me, keeps track of my moon cycle, deep voice, honest, intelligent, classy, old-fashioned, good etiquette, respectful, enthusiastic, manly, funny, talented, thoughtful and generously uses his love and light to help others.

All I had to do was wait patiently for my man to appear. And it happened faster than I could believe.

He was my friend, Hank, who’d already been showing up in the periphery for years. The difference now—he was ready and so was I. Hank went out on a limb and invited me to open my heart to him.

Just. Like. That.

We hit the ground running.

It is so refreshing to find a man who cares about who I am and molds his love to fit me. With any wish come true, there is always the not knowing. Hank showed up with some of his own surprising qualities that I could have never dreamed up.

These are the things I love about Hank that are uniquely his own.

He’s connected to his heart, motivational, stylish, entirely present in his Tiffany blue eyes, transparent, deadly sexy and he asks a lot of questions. I love how he smells, gives me the perfect amount of compliments, reveals his personal life with timely pacing, unafraid of letting go and inspired to share his gifts and genius.

I can’t get enough of the electrifying chemistry between us and the way he affectionately man handles me, just so. He is a creative lover.

I love who I am when I’m with him. He’s a good mirror.

4. No clinging nor desperation. This is the most essential part. The boon with Hank is that all along he’s had a longish term goal of leaving the country. So, the whole relationship has had the built-in foundation of life’s unpredictability. Because we both knew we’d have to part ways one day in the near future, we never had any of the typical conflicts couples can have surrounding expectations of long term commitment.

It’s akin to a vacation romance. We’ve been able to truly appreciate and savor every moment we’ve spent with one another. The big lesson for me is to see the beauty and depth that comes without the calamities of attachment.

It’s a perfect example of the uncertainty of life.

In the end, he let me down easy. We had both seen his departure coming the whole time. Some relationships end catastrophically like a train wreck. Not this one. The mistake we avoided was the frantic clinging to each other.

Hank gracefully eased me out of his grip, placing me gently on solid ground and blew me a kiss. Although I was heartbroken, my dignity was in tact. I felt proud of Hank for embarking on a pilgrimage to follow his dreams and also proud of myself for letting him go while practicing trust and non-attachment.

Our time together did not last forever. Nothing actually does. Fortunately, I get to live the duration of my life knowing that I found and got to spend priceless time with a true love. We will always love each other.

Loving hard and fast with the built in understanding of impermanence makes my heart overflow.

Love is the most powerful force in the universe.



Relephant Reads:

Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think it Is. 

5 Ways to Recognize a Man Who is Connected to His Heart.

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Editor: Travis May

Photos: flickr, Unsplash

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Josh Feb 20, 2016 4:51am

I was struck by the attributes for a perfect lover that you wrote down in advance. I’ve done the same, and it did really focus the mind.

But I’d like to question one attribute you nominated: ‘keeps track of my moon cycle.’

Really? Of all the things, this is what you would nominate as your 5th most important characteristic in a man?

Look, I’m the first to admit that guys are pretty bad at understanding women. But this kind of thing betrays something that’s harder for women to admit: they don’t really understand men, despite how much they might talk about men.

I’m not even gonna go into the whys and wherefores, lest a backlash ensue. Let’s just say that if you don’t understand my point, that’s kinda the problem.

Ladies, try to be a little less self-involved sometimes. Maybe that’s been the problem all along.

Good luck with the shared calendars.

ashleigh May 26, 2015 9:06am

Thank you Ellen, Rebecca, Tampa and Patsie. xo

Patsie May 25, 2015 9:12pm

Oh Ashleigh Thank you for such a beautiful piece of writing! True love has just come to me recently too, after many many years of not-searching but not ever really knowing if it is really possible in this lifetime. I knew it exists and held on to the dream, but not the need, more the gift, if ever it came this lifetime. Everything you've said resonated so much and I can feel your joy and freedom, just as I feel mine everyday, and indeed it comes when least expected but when fully ready as wholeness within oneself… without any attachments nor need. It makes everything fall into place, and how every other and the past was meant to lead to this one and the present. When two souls vibrating at that same frequency connect nothing can compare. We often say to each other "… wish we had found each other earlier…" but we both know it couldn't have been any other way! Neither of us would have been ready… things are always meant to be as they are…and to experience and share an overflow of unconditional love with another of the same soul is divine, it transcends any attachment. May you continue to shine your beautiful Light and joy Ashleigh, you beautiful soul, and I send you wishes for a reunion of your special love again, this lifetime or another, for you both deserve it. Much love and sunshine to you! xo

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Ashleigh Hitchcock

Ashleigh Hitchcock is a simple girl with a complicated life. She has many jobs and 1000 hobbies; to stay sane, she practices meditation and yoga. Ashleigh’s greatest treasures are her friends, loved ones, and pets. When Ashleigh wants to cheer herself up, she smiles at strangers until she finds a really good one. Catch up with Ashleigh on Facebook and Instagram.