I’d like to get back to lucid dreaming.
My dreaming used to constantly be lucid. Before falling asleep I’d have a little pep talk with myself, “The next thing that happens will be a dream. Enjoy yourself.”
Ask any lucid dreamer about their favorite thing to do once they’re in control and they’ll likely say to fly or to f*ck. I am no exception. It’s a good time.
Now I’m all blocked up. Instead of lucid dreams I’ve been having vivid, wild, disturbing nightmares.
I wake up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating, even crying. My fleeting subconscious haunts my short-term memory with terrifying, traumatic images.
It’s been so bad that I’m afraid to fall back to sleep right away for fear that I’ll slide right back into the nightmare. It’s seriously affecting my quality eight hours.
I’m tempted to give these dreams power by writing them down but what’s the point? I used to give dreams incredible stock and take entire mornings to dissect their meaning. It didn’t get me anywhere.
It’s simple—my deepest fears are showing up in my sleep. I know what I’m afraid of. Some of these fears are legitimate and some are insane.
It’s nothing I’m meant to work through at three o’clock in the morning.
Instead, I get up and walk around for a few minutes. I pet my dog who is sometimes whimpering from his own dreams. Occassionally I’m a super jerk and wake my husband to tell him the latest drama in my mind.
I eventually fall back to sleep and am continually surprised to discover that I’ve completely forgotten about the specifics of the dream by the next day.
If I don’t indulge them the characters and plot quickly de-materialize. Sure, the fears still float around in my psyche, maybe morphing in preparation to manifest and spook me the following night but if I can breathe and keep what’s likely happening in perspective (hormones) this doesn’t have to become some big thing about my seemingly compromised emotional state.
This kind of perspective allows my dreaming state to mirror a pattern in my life. How often does something Earth ShatterinI happen on Monday and it’s completely resolved and forgotten about by Friday? Did my stress and anxiety serve me or anyone else? Nope. 100% no.
We always have a choice about where to place our energy and attention. We have the power to shift our perspective at will. I believe our dreams are a perfect place to flex our intuitive muscles without getting carried away in a mythical story.
This strange time shall pass just like everything else. My hormones will regulate and my subconscious will take a back seat. And then I’ll get back to some good old-fashioned lucid dreaming.
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Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: used with permission by Megan Ridge Morris
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