10 Signs we Picked the Right Human to Love (Maybe).

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beso1

There comes a time after the “honeymoon” phase and before the “my partner is really the bee’s knees!” phase…

…where you’re smack in the middle of an argument with someone you love about something that truly doesn’t matter.

We stand there, blood boiling and hit with the question: is all of this really worth it?

Here are 10 affirmations that you are indeed with an epic human—and it is worth it.

1. Long romantic walks on the beach often (always) result in fistfuls of found garbage collected to be properly re-discarded. Yes, each little piece of human evidence we see on the street/beach/park attracts us like magnets. The best part is trashy walks are still very romantic!

2. TED talks and other mindful media. Visions of birds with plastic in their stomachs, unfortunate food industry truths and positive quotes are sent to your inbox. They make you believe that fixing this world is possible. These are great shares and even better table time discussions.

3. You’re enjoying the harvest from last summer’s organic garden. Dinner—as well as almost everything your partner consumes—is mindful.

4. Movie nights often include fantastic documentaries on that ancient laptop you got refurbished years ago, plus sharing tea and maybe a toke.

5. Your purchasing patterns are conscious of the amount of trash created. You’d actually prefer not to buy it than to have to take all that plastic home. Easy tips that have changed my life can be found in Amy Korst’s wonderful book The Zero-Waste Lifestyle; Live Well By Throwing Away Less. You and your partner don’t seem to forget your cloth grocery bags because you’ve practiced remembering them for some time now.

6. You find it easy to support and “like” the things they share online.

Personal story: In online dating, I like to be friends on social networking sites. Last spring, I met a seemingly super cool guy—he liked yoga, ate real food, was into radical self-expression, our talks were inspirational and he was someone I felt oddly and happily drawn to. He lived far away so we kept emailing and became friends online, hoping to meet some day.

On day two of our online friendship his status said, “My penis is the size of an acorn… No seriously!” Day 3 he posted a gory photo and the caption, “Imagine the song you would play during a rampage.” The next week proved this behavior was normal and acceptable to him. When we spoke about it, his response was “You think that’s who I am? That’s not me!”

The online side of your partner is a part of him/her.

Their posts are their interests and their opinions—and it’s their way of interacting with the world. Whether it is to get random attention (like the guy above), to spread awareness, to market him or herself, or to get points in Candy Corn Saga or a Farm with Zombies, just know what you are getting yourself into.

7. Your partner sees the positive opportunities in all situations. They want to learn and they enjoy growth and change. In fact, Burning Man is on the to-do-list for just those reasons: to learn, to enjoy, to grow and to change.

8. In times of stress they amaze you with their ability to keep composure. Although sometimes their need to breathe deeply is annoying as sh*t, we are glad they take deep, calming breaths. We are grateful for every breath they take. He/she enjoys introspection and works on themselves, making the relationship stronger which results in a more profound experience.

You take turns being the first one to apologize and practice lowering the ego in arguments sooner than later.

9. Because their compassion flows deep, they feel great sorrow when things aren’t right. Social injustice or a spirit being treated badly can bring them to tears. They see life in all things.

10. They stand up for the underdog. They stand up for themselves. They stand for justice. Their integrity and honesty wow others. The two of you practice loving each other in a way that allows you both to feel free because that is the only sustainable way.

And we remember again that as partners, we are nothing more than roommates of this earth that have mutually decided to spend some time together. We’ve decided to share some human experiences. There is something beautiful inside our partner that inspires us to be better humans every day.

The moments outside of our comfort zones are where we grow.

It’s totally worth it.

~

Relephant:

Don’t Miss Your Soul Mate Flags.

Soul Mates: Do You Believe? 

 

~

Love start with ourselves:

~

Apprentice Editor: Jamie Khoo/Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Provided by the Author; Unsplash

 

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anonymous Jan 22, 2016 5:44pm

Uh….BS! Biased opinion and misleading title!

    anonymous Jan 22, 2016 8:17pm

    How so? We welcome all kinds of feedback, but it's only useful if constructive! 🙂 ~ Ed.

anonymous Aug 26, 2015 9:55pm

Greetings,

I do agree that this is clearly a personal preference piece and not piece that many people would be able to relate to, or should . I my sled however can say,” check, check” on most all the ways the author says we are with the ” right” person. However, I’m with the right person because I am me. I do feel it is presenters with a type of arrogance that is subtle and hard to track within our own psyches, especially when we believe so full heartedly in our good deeds. It still, in my opinion creates polarity and division rather than an inspiring article that might have pointed out some poignant universal truths we can see as sign posts we are with a pretty radically awesome person, for ourselves. I was also curious why the author only addressed the comments that were positive in the feedback? As writers, especially when writing, or claiming to be able to offer some wisdom for the good of all, I feel it is important to be able to be open to all feedback and engage from a place of curiosity, not just with people who support what we say or write. Go can we expand our own views and allow defection that if that many people had a negative reaction to a piece there might be something to it. I do think it is a sweet piece on the authors personal views and clearly thinks about what she is doing and how she is affecting the environment. I just think this could be good learning to let it all in, not just the positive and see how we can, even in well intentioned choices and beliefs, get so rigid in believing we are right and others are wrong creating more polarity. Blessings on taking it all in and letting it make you a better writer and more inclusive if writing about abstract concepts.

anonymous Jul 10, 2015 4:26pm

Title should be "10 deal breakers"

anonymous Jul 10, 2015 1:07am

Is the (maybe) the edit? Cuz that part doesn’t show up on Facebook. 🙁 It did say “Not what I expected” though.. In it’s defense? Lol. I hate when advertising dupes me.
I agree with Paul W. This one was just for him! And thus, worth it 🙂

anonymous Mar 13, 2015 12:13pm

Huh?????? I’m so lost. How do any of these random things have to do with having found your forever partner? Not one of those fit my lover and we are definitely a forever couple. I am so confused! The fact that we don’t pick up trash on the beach or listen to TED talks in quite irrelevant to our long term success

anonymous Mar 12, 2015 8:41am

I loved the article and related in every way. The right person to love? Could be your friends who are sensitive to our planet. Sounds as if there are many who read EJ that are not as mindful. I love TED talks and who wouldn’t pick up the trash as you pass, not elitist in any way! I have many friends I love but the people who are just like this are the ones I want to spend my time with. My lover, OMG yes he is all of that and more.

anonymous Mar 7, 2015 1:28am

So I get that the pieces are personal, and while I agree with the comments indicating that they felt misled by the subject, I accept that it applied directly to the author.
What I find disheartening is that the author and elephantjournal appear to have almost exclusively replied to comments that complimented the piece. I feel like it would be an easy, quick thing to drop a reply on a few other comments saying, “we hear you – a lot of folks felt that way, and we wanted to share this acknowledgment: [blah blah blah].”
I do appreciate the most recent comment asking for additional feedback from “Jen,”, but I also dislike the, “email us directly with details” approach, because what it says to me as a reader is, “we are afraid of what you might say, so please say it privately so we can control it.”
I am part of an online collaborative that has taken some heat for poorly framed content. I get that it sucks – a lot – to feel the heat rise in your cheeks and the knot form in your stomach and your breath not seem to be able to reach your lungs. I promise you, we will respect you more for saying, “Hey, good call, we could add this thing and it would clarify the time of our content,” or, “I poated this, and I apologize for how it was interpreted. Here is some more info.”
Thank you for the content you provide: I think it offers a valuable jumping-off place for conversations that can make a real difference.

anonymous Mar 6, 2015 12:19pm

The issue of the title not matching the article is really becoming a problem at ElephantJournal. I thought this site was honest. Instead it uses the same old tricks as other toxic news groups to grab the readers attention. It plays on emotion to get hits and then it doesn't care what comes after it. I'm done with ya'll.

    anonymous Mar 6, 2015 3:55pm

    Hi Jen,

    Thanks for your comment. We actually try really hard to have our titles not be misleading or "clickbaity".

    Feel free to email us at [email protected] to offer more details about why you thought this (or other articles) are misleading. We are happy to have constructive feedback!

    – Ed.

      anonymous Mar 6, 2015 4:25pm

      I can tell you; "10 reasons WE picked the right person".. should clearly have been "10 reasons I picked the right person." One wee letter makes all the difference. 🙂

      anonymous Mar 12, 2015 2:41am

      With the preponderance of people telling you EXACTLY why the title is misleading, why don't you just change it already? The article becomes condescending if it's really about how to know if I've picked the right person. Maybe I don't want to do a 'toke' with him. Maybe I don't want to pick up trash along the beach with him. Not everything we eat is mindful. We don't watch fantastic documentaries. We binge on Breaking Bad. If my boyfriend sent me visions of birds with plastic in their stomachs I wouldn't be happy with that behavior. I see enough of that on facebook. Seriously, this is fine as an article about the author's interests. But it's a discredit to the website and the readers to keep the misleading headline.

        anonymous Mar 12, 2015 8:43am

        Hey! You do have a point, and we appreciate the feedback. I made a small update. I'll leave it to the author to email us about any further requested changes. – Ed.

anonymous Feb 14, 2015 3:31pm

Weird. Great signs of whether you love the earth however…

anonymous Jan 7, 2015 6:09am

LOL.

anonymous Dec 30, 2014 10:00am

Interesting perspective. Guess it shows us how different we all are and how differently our needs and ‘right one’ are met. Was surprised at how little there was here about how someone treats you, shows they love you, and shows compassion for your family/friends/others/children. How they support you with the little things that matter most to you because only they have come to know so much about you.

anonymous Dec 30, 2014 2:51am

Wah??? One’s orientation to trash is how you propose to qualify who is a keeper? Apologies for not meeting the same bar as Maggie’s post: she said it quite well, so I’ll just add a +1 to her comments here.

anonymous Dec 30, 2014 1:55am

I find composting annoying as sh*t lol

anonymous Dec 30, 2014 12:05am

Good gawd, people. Pretty much every article on EJ is a personal, specific opinion-piece! I haven't read one article on this Journal that is scientifically absolute. This contributor was sharing her observation of what "works" for her and may or may not work for you. Why must the content or title be tailored in order to be more "relatable"? Do we really need instructions on our lives? Chill, people, and enjoy what people so bravely share, for what it is and not what you need it to be!

    anonymous Dec 30, 2014 7:55am

    Hi Aimee,

    Thanks for weighing in! It's true that it's sometimes difficult to ensure transparency when we have such a range of topics and wiring styles. In our commitment to ethical journalism, we want to make sure each post is contextually clear and providing accurate information. Please let us know if you (really) think something is missing or misleading and we are happy to research/update where needed. – Eds.

      anonymous Feb 4, 2015 2:30pm

      I would like to give my respectful and balanced opinion on this matter. For a reader to pay for reading articles is a relatively new concept in the online world, especially on Facebook. I know from experience that it costs money to maintain a website. I have actually considered paying the fee to have daily limits removed. That being said, I feel like your links that I see on Facebook tend to generally set a higher expectation for an article than they should. Still, I find the articles rather interesting, save for a few exceptions. I agree with those that feel that this article was “advertised” improperly. Also, I agree with the authors viewpoint on every single point, and found this to be a really terrific article. But, the bottom line is this: I am having a hard time paying the fee because it definitely seems that the Facebook posts overly hype up the article. A reader who expects to see one thing, but reads something that isn’t what was expected will use up their free daily limits, and probably feel like they wouldn’t want to pay the price. I think it’s great that you folks have found a way to capitalize on the internet traffic. I think it’s great that you have such terrific contributors and content. But, there are times that I cant help but feel let down by the article based on the headline from the link. It almost takes on a deceptive energy, as though the ultimate goal is to get people to use up their daily limits so that they will pay. I’m sure that the headlines are designed to entice, but, this article in particular, is far from what it seemed to be. The people who complained about this are doing so rightfully. The people who applauded the article are just as right. When you’re in a business to promote wellness and spiritual virtue, the last thing that you want to do is leave this kind of impression on your readers. I would like to see the Journal thrive financially as well as continue to put out some quality content, so, I wanted to write this as a reader who is considering paying for access to your content.

anonymous Dec 23, 2014 6:33pm

#7 & #10 are the reasons why I chose my husband. Thank you. Regardless of all other comments, I think we all have the rights to express in whatever way we feel. I’m sure if 2 of the 10 points hit home for me, the other points also made an impact on others. Thanks for sharing!

anonymous Nov 25, 2014 2:55pm

Perhaps you only need to generalize each of your personal reasons so that they're more applicable to the masses 🙂

anonymous Nov 25, 2014 1:39pm

Very specific to a certain and exact lifestyle and set of interests, as well as 1-6 being somewhat classist and organic-white washed, as the love of those who can't afford places that have organic gardens, beach front access, refurbished lap tops, or may be busily coping or educating on life issues other than educating themselves on the global effect of pollution on aviary life, is as legitimate as the love of those who have the excellent fortune to have the time resources money environment and privilege to be able to partake in all these pass-times. In a way I found this rather consumeristic, as it focuses on the objects and financially accessible environments that "define love" rather than the simple sentiment of caring between two people. 7-10 was getting closer to the mark. Remember love shouldn't be tied to a routine or environment, and especially not to a wallet.

anonymous Nov 25, 2014 4:55am

When the link to this article popped up in my media feed as soon as I turned the computer on this morning I thought to myself "Awh Great! …. another depressing list of crap to read now that my consummate on-again off-again relationship of 3 years is over I get to read about what I've lost." This, after waking from a half night of restless sleep, a failed attempt at meditation to help clear all the monkey-mind chatter, and then running through most every trick in my head to help lift the ton of bricks off of my heart (which didn't work so well today). Instead of journaling at this pre-dawn hour as I initially intended, I get this when I turn on my computer! This article, as so many of the other comments mention, that is so very different than the title suggests…. and I am tremendously grateful and thankful that I did get this article! Unlike most of the comments posted already, I can relate deeply to every one of the things that is listed…. and how this lightened my heart on this very early sleepless monkey-minded morning is that I recognize that my deeply connected tantric former semi-partner could likely not relate to any. Thank you Matilda for putting your opinion out for the world to read. It's weird, but in some ways I think this article could have been written specifically for me to read today, and to comment on as well (as I cannot recall commenting on one of these articles prior to this). Matilda, with heartfelt gratitude, I thank you once again for this "surprise" article as it's like a perfect homemade salve from a friend for my heart (with great topical [metaphorically] analgesic qualities :).

    anonymous Dec 19, 2014 4:06pm

    Thank you Paul. 🙂 Your feedback touches me.

anonymous Nov 25, 2014 12:02am

Way to judge others for not being you… I find this sort of commentary lacks a global view of the world… you sound like someone who needs to get out of their own little box

anonymous Nov 24, 2014 9:10pm

quite funny ….

anonymous Nov 24, 2014 6:53pm

Ugh. Way too specific. Not about inherent attributes of a good human partner, but about very specific, well-honed, conscious "values" in a very particular person. The title leads a reader to think that the list will be easily applicable to his/her current partner but instead is a bizarre list of Eco-conscious attributes the writer seems to want in a partner. Misleading, and, frankly, a bit annoying.

anonymous Nov 24, 2014 5:18pm

Yeah I can't relate to any of this, but that doesn't mean I'm not with the perfect person. Either change the title or the article

anonymous Nov 10, 2014 1:36pm

Who is the "we" here? Certainly not me. Totally unrelatable.

anonymous Nov 5, 2014 4:48pm

I do relate to this in many ways, but it is still a personal piece in my opinion. Not everyone's relationship is like this. My relationship, which shares the exact same points above, is actually a mess. Yes we are very mindful of plastic, and what we eat from our garden, and how similar we are with what we stand for. But he is not the right human for me. It runs much deeper than any of these points. Like the respect they give you as a human being.

anonymous Nov 5, 2014 10:54am

It's nice, but I agree with the above sentiments. The title of the article seems like the list would apply more generally, but this seems like the writer's personal list, based on her very specific, personal values.

anonymous Oct 30, 2014 2:37am

Keep going

anonymous Oct 18, 2014 11:21am

Absolutely a personal opinion, pretty specific…. I certainly don’t relate. I’m glad you picked a good one tho, good for you!

anonymous Oct 15, 2014 6:38pm

Yeah I really didn't find this relatable at all haha

anonymous Oct 10, 2014 10:40am

This is a lovely PERSONAL piece …. but most certainly not a list of "10 signs we picked the right human to love".

Tina Guerrero Jan 22, 2017 5:39pm

This is confusing to me. Not sure how the first 5 are signs of anything much less the right partner. Agree that the title is misleading. Number 6 is good advice. I'll look to the universe for my own signs.

Darina Todirica Dec 12, 2016 5:15pm

love this one..simple and earth near..

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Matilda A. Juliette

Matilda A. Juliette began introspection and soul work several years ago. She fell in love with yoga during a miserable low point in life. Yet another job was compromising morals, her relationship was toxic, and when push came to shove she didn’t like herself all that much. It was a fast track towards a mediocre life. Searching for something positive to be a part of, Matilda impulsively purchased six months unlimited at the yoga studio. There she found something she didn’t realize was lost… herself. Yoga—something so simple, yet so complex changed everything. Matilda loves writing! In addition to blogging she is the sultry storyteller behind the book Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe—Dating and Sexcapades of a Yogi. Follow her (on Facebook and Instragram) through a hilarious and messy search for true love.