Don’t Miss Your Soul Mate Flags. ~ Grace Cooley

Via on Aug 1, 2014

soulmatesss

It can be exhilarating to meet a soul mate—that feeling of having known them forever as I look into their eyes is familiar and strange all at the same time.

It can be pleasant, funny, loving and soft. Or it can be like two freight trains colliding head-on. It can also be hauntingly sad.

I have met and loved several soul mates—in many different forms and relationships. Years ago, a soul mate came into my life and only stayed for a few weeks; it was very intense and somewhat confusing. I came home to a Dear Jane letter. I have neither seen nor heard from him again.

One was only in my life for a week or so, before vanishing back into the universe again, exiting my stage to step onto another one somewhere else. This relationship was so intense and immediate, that we burned the karma quickly and completely, no longer romantically/sexually attracted to each other by the end of those short days, but still loved each other.

Upon meeting, we tried to play by society’s rules. We really did.

But we couldn’t.

Within a day of meeting we were naked in my house, breathing each other’s breath again, just like before in other places and times. His mouth was familiar, his kisses exquisite; they felt like coming home. I have not had such beautiful, satisfying kisses since. Just the memory of them can make my breath change tempo.

As soon as we immediately, easily and mutually rotated into one specific and unusual sexual position, we looked at each other in exposed recognition, “Having you right here, right like this, is all I have been able to think about since I met you yesterday.”

I could only agree. It was exactly how I had seen us together too.

This was a man for whom I had no attraction whatsoever until I looked into his eyes. When I looked at his body, I felt no attraction. When our eyes met each time, however, I fell in love all over again. I quite literally, for the first time in my life, felt weak in the knees every time he looked at me.

All I wanted to do was be as close to him as possible as much as possible. It always felt like he would be taken from me. I felt almost desperate to love him as much and as intensely as possible in what felt like the very short time we had together.

Needless to say, we spent most of our time together naked—talking, crying, laughing, making love, f*cking; it was intense, beautiful, raw and cathartic.

We split amicably a few days later, having processed through whatever it was we needed to process together. We gave each other those karmic gifts and were done. We did, indeed, it turned out, only have a few days. But this time we were not torn from each other. This time we truly were complete at the end of our time together.

I have come across many soul mates in many different lifetimes over the years. As a hypnotherapist, I find them all the time—mine and for clients too—in past lives and in this current life.

So much so, that I had to change my definition of “soul mate” at some point.

I now define “soul mate” as a soul with whom I have had so many meaningful encounters in so many other lifetimes and dimensions, that I feel I know them almost instantly upon meeting them again. They feel so familiar, like family, like instant friends. We can play just about any role for each other too: friend, lover, child, grandchild.

I think most folks think of soul mates only as lovers…but I have found that is not necessarily the case.

From so many years of working with past lives, it is my understanding that we, as pure souls/energy, get together before each lifetime and kind of plan out how we are going to meet each other. We set up “flags” for ourselves, so that we recognize the significance of the meeting.

A “flag” is anything that happens in our current life that grabs our attention enough to make us stop and take a second look, or make us become aware that we need to pay special attention to someone/thing. Flags often look or feel like déjà vu, or like something weird and surreal. It gets our attention. It causes us to “wake up,” to come up out of the habitual, treadmill, hazy state we usually coast along in.

“I knew I had known you before, because when I saw you, time seemed to slow down and everything was moving in slow motion,” was what one lover said to me, explaining the flag he experienced on seeing me for the first time.

I have met and loved soul mates that feel like friendly companions—like the only reason we agreed to meet again was just because we love and miss each other and want to be together again. We don’t necessarily have any big lessons for each other. We just want to give each other the gift of resting into a nice, easy, calm relationship.

The ones that are heart breaking, though, are the ones where timing is an issue. We meet them as planned, we experience the flag and know it is important, but we have made past decisions that prevent us from being lovers.

It is not that I love my current lover less after I meet a soul mate, but I can very clearly feel the missed opportunity with the soul mate and must accept it—maybe even mourn its passing. I have never broken up with a current lover to be with a new soul mate, but I have been very attracted to and tempted by that idea.

It can be so sad when it happens—to meet them, recognize them and maybe even admit and discuss it with them, but to be unable or unwilling to actually do anything about it.

Brian Weiss, the famous hypnotherapist who has written several books on the subject, writes about this in Only Love is Real, a book about hypnosis and soul mates finding each other again.

When I think of them, those unrequited soul mates, I can still feel the sudden sting of recognition, how my heart seems to fly up out of my chest into the sky when I look into their eyes, followed quickly by the descending realization that we will not be lovers this lifetime, the heartache, and finally the soft longing and sadness that still linger for paths not taken.

Of course you are thinking, “But you can still be friends with them, right?” Yes, that is possible, but I find it can be difficult, because as the friendship grows, so does the longing.

Have you ever had a friend that you fell in love with, only to know (or find) that they cannot or do not or will not reciprocate? It is not fun for anyone involved.

My wish for you, Dear Reader? May your flags be obvious and your timing and decisions always impeccable. Godspeed.

 

 

Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

 

 

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Joe Geyer/Pixoto

About Grace Cooley

Grace Cooley is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Registered Psychotherapist in Ft. Collins, CO, USA. She sees clients and facilitates Divine Feminine Hypnotherapy workshops for women. She’s a flaming, Earth-loving, tree-hugging, save-the-Planet, believes-in-faeries, bike-riding, card-carrying, spiritual-but-not-religious, hippie cowgirl liberal poet---yep, they do exist. You can find her blog here and her creations here. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

37,648 views

Appreciate this article? Support indie media!

(We use super-secure PayPal - but don't worry - you don't need an account with PayPal.)

14 Responses to “Don’t Miss Your Soul Mate Flags. ~ Grace Cooley”

  1. FeatherStory Aniweda says:

    I have definitely experienced soul mates in the way you speak of…I can think of two, but one in particular was huge because we both recognized it and ultimately had to let it go. I was in a relationship and I had this memory of a dream I had as a child. The dream was basically the two of us, splitting ways and saying we would see each other again. It was definitely surreal to connect with him 20 something years later, but I imagine it will happen again in another lifetime. It also came at a really appropriate time in my life, helping me to see the problems in the relationship that I had…the next soul mate came a year or so later, helping me to see further into the danger of that same relationship.

  2. @RubieBleu says:

    Yes. This is something I have felt several times in my short lifetime — sometimes it's a subtle feeling. Other times it is so intense it nearly knocks me off of my feet. I often have a difficult time verbalizing the experience, but you have hit the proverbial nail on the head. Thank you so much for this post. It resonates with me. <3

  3. Joe Geyer says:

    Hi Grace,

    My name is Joe Geyer and i am the photographer that took the photo in this article! I was totally shocked when one of my friends posted the article with my picture. I just have to say great article and thank you for the photo credit at the bottom of the page. If you are so inclined, feel free to change it and link them to my actual website because i don't use pixoto any more. http://www.111studiosphotography.com. If you feel like changing it. But again, great article and i totally agree that soulmates come in more then one form and you can have many of them. My own personal thought is that they hold a small sliver of your soul and that only they can fill it and help to make you whole again. And they are only there until the shard you are missing has been filled.

    • Grace Cooley awildergrace says:

      I didn't choose the photo – ej chose it. And I absolutely LOVE it! They always do such great work choosing photos that go with the writing.

      Thanks for the hey! I like your soul theory, too. I'm gonna think about that some… :)

  4. Sophie Jarabek says:

    Haha! This is a picture of my college roommate and I that a friend took for photo class. Sorry to say I'm engaged to a man instead of her!

    • Grace Cooley awildergrace says:

      I LOVE this photo! So sweet – and you guys are disgustingly cute! :) Thanks for being a part of this experience! :)

  5. Amy E says:

    What a great article. Oddly, I hadn't thought of a soul mate as just a lover. In the article you mention soul mates as having had a possible past life experience, or a deja vu feeling. I have had only one experience with a soul mate. I have met "kindred spirits" in others, but only one soul mate. The feeling of familiarity, trust, seeing the world in the same way, and that sense of he "gets" me, are good examples of my experience. But, the level of intense feelings is almost overwhelming. It's an indescribable mixture of emotions. The timing of our meeting was inconvenient. We corresponded, but we haven't seen one another in decades. Often, I feel that I must meet him, or I will never rest. I will always wonder.

    • Grace Cooley awildergrace says:

      yep, that's a soul mate feeling, alright. I have some of those too – the ones that I wish I was in contact with again, or think about what might have happened if we had not fallen out of touch. I wish you well! Thanks for reading! :)

  6. Mariebeth says:

    It is happening to me right now, the unrequited soulmate. We first met 30 yrs ago when we were in our teens but never thought anything of it. Then 4 yrs ago we met again online. There was an instant connection. We have feelings for each other but it was very explosive. It was so easy for me to make him upset which is not my intention. I never had a 'relationship' like it. It is emotionally draining. After so many ups and downs for two years, it cooled down. We stayed friends but we don't talk as much. Then this summer, I went back to my home country and finally met him face to face. I was so conflicted. I know I love him but then again I am bound by my commitment to my marriage. I love my husband and my family. We didn't even talk about 'us'. We parted ways and now we're back to where we started. I know that I will not give up my family for him but why do I still think about him? I always have this longing in my heart whenever I think of him. I've had sleepless nights just thinking of this person. RIght now I am confused. IF he is my soulmate, what is it that I need to learn? Why are my feelings so strong? It's as if my heart is aching. :((

    • Grace Cooley awildergrace says:

      Oh my dear, I am so sorry to hear you are suffering so. It is just not fair! Remember, though, that we all have more than one "soul mate', okay? (Sometimes that helps me. I hope it helps you too) I too have experienced that soul mate feeling along with the explosive nature. When the Dr. Jane letter man happened to me, I went to see a psychic to ask about it. That had been an explosive type of relationship. My question to her was the same as yours: Why, if he felt like a soul mate, aren't we together? She very kindly pointed out the "two freight trains colliding head-on" theory. She explained that sometimes it is just TOO intense – one or both can't handle the energy of it. This kinda sounds like what you 2 may have going on too.

      Sometimes it feels so strong b/c we have unfinished 'karma' with them from other times and places. Sometimes it's b/c we have never been together even though we love each other. So the longing for that grows and grows, becoming stronger and stronger.

      What to do? I always try and find the most troubling lifetime with them so that I can figure it out. So think about visiting a hypnotherapist or check out Brian Weiss' books/CDs/etc. He has audio you can listen to to hypnotize yourself and find past lives. All of his books are amazing too, and might help you too – especially Only Love is Real, b/c it is about soul mates finding each other in hypnosis.

      I wish you the very best with this. I am so glad you have a family to love you. I wish you love. Godspeed.

  7. kymber says:

    I have met two soul mates. Each from another part of the world.

    With the first, I just "knew" him without speaking, and he "knew" me. We had only days together; several fun days. 6 years later, we met up for 3 weeks of friendship and intimacy. I've not seen him now in years, but I still call him my Soul Mate, because the connection we have and had cannot be compared to any other friendship or relationship I've ever experienced. I feel connected to him at all times.

    With the second Soul Mate… The moment we saw each other (by chance in a busy crowd), and locked eyes, we both felt the world stop. I couldn't hear anything else around me, and all he could see were my eyes. We "recognized" one another, even though we hadn't spoken. We "coincidentally" met and spoke the next day, kept in touch, and a year later, we are planning to meet on a vacation together. We both agree that we can't predict what will come of it; maybe friends, maybe lovers, maybe nothing. But we both feel connected, and like we NEED to be near one another. My chest expands every time I think of him, even though I've not spent more than one hour in person with him.

    Epic.

    • Grace Cooley awildergrace says:

      Bravo you! I hope you have such a fabuloso time together! Pls come back here and let me know, okay? I love good stories! Good luck and love to you! :)

Leave a Reply