Pent up emotions cause prolonged mental trauma and they make us feel physical pain.
Why hold on to excess heartache that we no longer need? Riddling ourselves with painful emotions and memories only makes us feel worse.
There is one easy way that can help us release everything that is going on inside.
Write, write, write and write some more.
Let all the words spill out. You can write on paper, mirrors, your laptop, your hands, find the nearest surface and empty your insides out.
Be raw when you write, don’t keep anything in. Let every feeling you have ever had rise to the surface and turn all your emotions into words.
Recognize every bit of love, pain, hate, anger and betrayal that has burrowed deep inside.
Write gracefully or furiously, it matters not.
The only thing that is important is letting it all out.
Be gentle with yourself while doing this.
However big or small the trauma is, it is significant and needs to be heard. You will need time to recover and to process what you have been through.
However, keeping everything locked inside will only add to all the suffering that you are already experiencing.
There is a difference between healing lovingly and wallowing in overwhelming grief.
Putting pen to paper and filling the sheets with your memories will give your head a clear space to think things through clearly. You can write down all your memories and all the things you may never want to forget. If it makes you feel better to destroy everything once written, go ahead.
Do whatever feels right for you.
Every emotion that surfaces needs validation.
Think about it, write it down, feel the connection you have to it, and then let it go.
Once it is gone, try not to keep reminiscing.
Sadly, it is all too easy to see things through rose-tints once a situation has passed. Recognize good times for what they were, be grateful to them and then leave them behind.
When you have finished writing you can keep your journals somewhere safe or it can be very cathartic to destroy them. Maybe even amongst other items or belongings that carry memories.
It is important to keep reminding yourself that that part of your life is now gone, living in the present moment is what matters.
Our mind wanders back and forth all the time and that is fine, just keeping jolting it back to the present moment every time you notice this happening.
Keeping a journal on a daily basis can also be very therapeutic. You can look back and see how far you have come since the break up and how different you feel day by day. Writing a list of good and bad points is also something that can be reflected on. It can seem rather childish at first, but once you sit down and truthfully note down everything, you can start to build a more balanced version of all that has taken place.
Even writing some sort of mantra on your hand, or a note on your fridge door can keep your head focused and away from any cloudy thoughts. Something as simple as I have strength or just breathe can be enough to take your mind away from any negative thinking.
It can even be beneficial to write a letter to your ex-partner. Putting all your thoughts and feelings into words is a great way to work through emotions and once written down, it is much easier to put everything into context. Reading back on what you wrote can help to give some closure as you begin to make sense of all that has happened.
Whether you burn the letter or choose to send it is entirely your choice. Just writing everything down is the start of your own healing journey. Do what feels good for you and if choosing to send it assists your healing, then so be it.
You can even turn your words into art in the form of poetry or the words to a song. Make up your own tune and sing it at the top of your lungs, using it as an added release to clear all the tension inside. You can also bind the papers together with ribbon, and put them out of sight as something to look back on in years to come when you are stronger and free from all the pain associated with it.
Turn your words into a story and send them off to an online journal or magazine, even if the words are never printed, it can give you the inspiration to write again and again making sense of every milestone you reach in the process. Alongside the possibility of seeing your work published!
Once you have expressed all your feelings through words, use it as a positive start for moving forward.
Sometimes, it can be the first step in your recovery, so do all that you can to ensure you don’t take steps backwards. Remove any triggers that keep reminding you of the relationship, avoid social media sites they may be connected to (block or delete them if necessary) and for the near future stay away from places that you may bump into them.
Sometimes even blocking or deleting them from your phone can be a huge step forward as it drastically reduces the temptation to be in touch.
The road to recovery may be long or short, so do whatever you can to make it easier for yourself. You deserve a full heart and to live fully and this will never happen until you move yourself from the past and into your present.
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Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock