The commitment to my spiritual path sometimes seems like the most devastating thing.
When I look back my biggest transformations—they feel very much like death. And it’s even more so when I am in the midst of it.
During these times, having people around who have clarity and give me honest reflection and support is huge.
It feels like death because I am letting go. Letting go of layers and layers of who I think I am, what I’ve identified with for a long-long time.
That’s why it hurts so much.
But that’s the path toward the beauty of who I am.
My mind has a-really-convincing-story about who it thinks I am based on everything that has ever happened to me. For example—the family I was born into, where I grew up, where I went to school, how many times I changed schools (around 10—seriously), jobs/titles I held, friends I have had, traumas I suffered, how I’ve been wounded and need to heal.
This is not really who I really am.
And it hurts to identify with these stories—hurts so much.
Do you know what I mean?
To touch and feel of the mystery of who we really are, we can only do one thing—let go.
Drop all attempts to define, figure out or understand anything that is presently arising. Just for a moment.
And it is scary.
Everyone is afraid of the melting. Of losing ourselves. But it’s the only way to find ourselves. Only the false parts of us burn away.
The more deeply we surrender—the stronger we become.
We emerge with a completely different view of ourselves and with a lot of love that can defeat anything.
“For a star to be born,
there is one thing that
must happen: a gaseous
nebula must collapse.
This in not your
This is your birth.”
Exercise for letting go:
When thoughts come claiming reasons why—in this moment—letting go is not possible, simply let that thought go.
And when another thought comes that says, “yeah, but…” let it go too.
Just keep letting go until there is nothing left to let go of.
It is not enough to understand this concept with our minds.
For the letting go to have significance, we should actually experience it.
Then it will bring a shift to the energetic perspective.
And things will never be the same again.
Layer after layer we become more real, more beautiful, more authentic and more vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is one of the most difficult things. And key. Being vulnerable means stepping away from playing games and being real. Staying with what is and living from there.
The last few months have been a time of a big change for me—I have entered the time of my life that is called the Saturn return.
This is the time when your whole world turns upside down and once you are through it (it may take years) you are reborn and completely deconstructed—everything that you believed in, everything that you believed you were is not valid anymore.
It is quite scary when we think of it—a normal reaction is to hold onto the parts that we’ve been relying on most of our lives.
At the same time—the more we hold onto the old—the more painful it gets.
It’s all about the art of surrendering to the divine.
The big thing here is to fully acknowledge and give ourselves space to grieve for what we are leaving behind, or letting go of.
To achieve our greatest expression—to tap into our greatest depth—we need to crack the shell that surrounds us, just like a seed.
What is within us comes out—everything changes.
To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it seems terrifying and completely destructive.
And yes, it may hurt. Honestly—it will.
Letting go is as easy as you make it—just like death.
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photos: author’s own