November 26, 2014

Dating Commandment Number 5: Seek & Destroy.

heart foot

“Destruction before creation.” ~ Joseph Campbell

To set the stage for true love, there must be destruction. In all cultural rituals, there is a stage of preparation. To get ready for your beloved, it means preparing your heart, mind and your environment for love to enter.

>>> Step One: Be crystal clear on what you want
>>> Step Two: Destroy anything that is blocking the pathway to your heart

After the surging clarity of what I wanted after breaking it off with Don, it was time to clean house to allow room for the big bang. I’m not sure if you need clarity first, but it helps. So write down what you want in exquisite detail. Seek.

“Love is granted freely by the universe, but right relationship is earned. Love itself is a free-floating energy, but relationship is a worldly container for it. That container must be built of integrity, righteousness, and compassion or the energy becomes destructive.” ~ Marianne Williamson

What I’m about to outline is only for those ready to really to fall in love and be love in a committed relationship. It means obliterating the games of the ego. It means sending a clear, clean, direct message to the universe that you are ready through your actions.

So if you’re not ready, and want to date around to get clarity, continue to do that. Do your thang. It’s a necessary and exciting part of the process. This initiation will only work when you’re ready and truly wanting partnership.

Now, it’s time to clean house: figuratively and literally.

Starting with Facebook (and other forms of social media).

Get rid of the exes and the dead-end flirtations that continue to linger as “back-ups.” My ex Alejandro would try to add me about every four months on Facebook—blocked him and blessed him. Block and bless any of the hangers on—the admirers from afar who give you just enough attention to boost the ego.

The options you keep lined up for when things don’t work out. They’re all cluttering the pathway for you to be open, ready, receptive and truly vulnerable.

It’s time to make room for the real deal on the Love Express. This is a true test to see if you’re ready. Your ego will pipe up and say, “Oh, but I like knowing how so-and-so is doing. We have such a great connection.” Yeah, but deep down somewhere, you know it’s going nowhere and if it’s somehow an unhealthy dynamic.

I have exes I love and adore, but I know deep down inside if it’s my ego’s attachment to knowing what’s going on in their lives, or a genuine, heart-centered peaceful thread that connects us. Get rid of the going-nowhere-flirtations. Boom! Block and bless.

“Run away from toxic people. Instead, surround yourself with others who are positive, who support you and want you to succeed.” ~ Gayle King

This isn’t limited to romantic connections. What about pseudo-friendships that drain you of your energy? The toxic family member who makes snarky passive aggressive comments? Hide them from your feed or block them completely. Don’t waste one more moment of this precious life on connections that no longer give you juice or hold your heart in safe keeping. Less makes room for more.

Now, it’s time to go through your phone.

Delete anyone you no longer talk to. Delete anyone you no longer want to talk to. Make room.

“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” ~ William Morris

Now, we’re really going to clean house.

What would your place look like if you’re beloved was coming over? Clean, simplify, declutter, and make room for love. Clean out a nightstand so that they have room for their things. Invite them in. Prepare fresh flowers. Have food that he or she would like to eat.

“Clutter-clearing is modern-day alchemy.” ~ Denise Linn

Feng shui your way to your beloved. Rearrange your furniture. Clean your computer. Clean your car. Go through your wardrobe and get rid of anything that doesn’t make you feel like the radiant and divine creature you are. Make every day an invocation of and invitation to the beloved. Let your space reflect your readiness.

Here’s a prayer that I adapted from Tosha Silver’s excellent book Outrageous Openness that I use. Craft your own version infused with your deepest longings:

“The perfect partner is already selected. He is arriving in the right way at the right time. Please remove any barriers within myself. Let me be love in action in all my interactions. May our union be a sacred vehicle for inspiration and contribution. I am so grateful to receive him!”

Put this on your mirror. Put it in your billfold. Repeat it like a mantra. And watch as your persistent thoughts about exes, unworthiness or any of that other mumbo jumbo of the false self fade away.

Then as Osho said:

“Be realistic: Plan for a miracle.”

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Author: Kristi Kremers

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Images: Helga Weber/Flickr

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