I am writing to honor you for co-creating 2014 with me.
So much has happened this year, and I need to take this moment to pay tribute.
I also want to invite those who are reading this letter of gratitude to join me in this acknowledgement to our Dear Universe, as we reflect on the past year together.
2014 has served as the most transformative year of my life, as I started it off discovering absolute strength, grace and stillness within myself while living in the chaotic holy land that is India. I am ending my year having learned to accept, embrace and heal the inner turmoil that came about upon my return to North America, facing some tragic realities that have served as my greatest gifts.
It’s been a year of dissolving boundaries and confronting my every fear, standing amidst a burning flame and choosing not to shrink back; a year of consciously shedding layers of stories I believed, identities I was invested in, roles that defined me, and coming to celebrate who I am beyond the illusion in which I was living.
It has been a year of breaking deeply-rooted patterns letting go of all attachments, graciously surrendering to hardship and supporting myself in times of deep grief; a year of finally learning to fully love all of myself, feel completely worthy, no longer stuck in a disempowered narrative that had me believing that I am not enough.
You blessed me, Dear Universe, with a year of deep lessons and endless opportunities for massive growth, and I am here to thank you.
I want to thank you for gifting me me with the most tragic experience of my life thus far, entrusting in me the ability to surrender fully and face each hardship with the utmost courage and grace. What a gift to discover strength and connect to my heart amidst the newfound reality of a loved one being diagnosed with a horrific disease. Thank you.
I want to thank you for granting me permission to fall apart, give myself to the darkness, lose myself in the chaos, allow myself to get messy, be broken open, feel every ounce of my pain. And all the while know that you are with me and that life is unfolding for me.
I want to thank you for invoking in me the parts of my self that have remained dormant all my life, helping me reconnect to them, setting them free, allowing them to integrate, so that I could become the full expression of who I truly am. What an invocation it’s been. I am in awe of who I have become—powerful, strong and bold; yet, soft, feminine and vulnerable.
I want to thank you for inspiring me to trust in you, to jump headfirst into the unknown, to let go of all safety, see beyond the illusions, and connect to what is real. You are the inspiration, and I continue to open myself and embrace vulnerability, knowing that it is the only way to fully live.
I want to thank you for providing me with silver linings in every break of the heart, every painful fall, every intense blunder, every shaken reality, allowing me to keep shouting yes at the top of my lungs to this life, even in the darkest, most frightening of times.
I want to thank you for supporting me in discovering my powerful voice that was muted for most of my life, connecting me to my beautiful body upon which I was inflicting so much pain and judgment and falling in love with all the textures, flavors and colors, that make me me. What freedom I feel, for the first time in my life.
I want to thank you for showing up consistently, divinely orchestrating every synchronistic moment, from the major shit-storms to the highlights of my entire life. I see the divinity in it all.
I see it in the slipping away of my loved one and the appreciation I have developed for the present moment; I see it in my newfound battle with Polycystic Ovaries and the appreciation I have developed for my neglected body; I see it within the evolution of my relationships, the letting go of some of the most profound loves in my life, embracing the breaking of the heart and all the beauty that is on the other side of this. I see you showing up, and it all being so divinely connected and in service to me.
I want to thank you for guiding me toward every encounter of 2014, transforming my life from the smallest, most “insignificant” interactions with strangers, to introducing me to (the concept and experience of) my soul family, redefining my understanding of true love. It could have been an afternoon spent in the presence of a stranger, and I walked away feeling more connected to that soul compared to some people I have known my whole life.
Thank you for teaching me to show up authentically and connect from my heart.
I want to thank you for bestowing upon me endless moments of being triggered, providing me with so many beautiful opportunities to fully feel the deep pain that has showed up as shame, anger, grief, loss, fear, sadness and heartbreak. And, in the feeling fully of it all, allowing me to heal it. What a gift to no longer be a victim, but to be taking full responsibility for everything that shows up in my reality. Thank you.
I want to thank you for trusting me to fulfill my mission in this life: to let go of all that I was dependent on, attached to, and sourcing love and validation from (i.e., my relationships, my success, my career, my image, all of my identities) so that I could viscerally experience my worth independent of external variables and become the embodiment of Woman in all her glory. It is from this place that I am able to authentically serve women and men, guiding them to let go and trust in themselves, seeing them for their Divine Essence, and helping them heal and discover who they truly are. I vow to continue serving my purpose.
Yes, I am grateful, Dear Universe, for this transformative year.
And, I am so looking forward to all that we will manifest together in 2015.
Your faithful co-creator
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Jessica Winterstern
Editor: Emily Bartran
Photo: Sarah Orbanic