One of the most daunting aspects of human sexuality is oral sex.
Should I do it?
When do I do it?
How do I do it?
Most of us already know that that oral sex is a vital means toward intimacy with your partner but I’ll save you some time and answer these questions right now:
Yes, you absolutely should.
Any chance you get—whether it’s an appetizer for sex or the full-course meal.
“Pack a lunch. Stay the day.” ~ Robin Williams on oral sex
The best way to hone oral sex skills is to practice. (I know, tragic, right?) Remember there is no one way to do it right. However, we have the best barometer right there in front of us: our partner. They will be able to let us know if what we’re doing is working.
Ideally, well have an expressive partner who can tell us exactly what does and doesn’t feel right. But sometimes our partners are not the talking types, so pay attention to even the most subtle indicators: hip movements, breathing patterns, the tensed or relaxed state of their hands. (We want there to be a little tension but not so much that they may be in pain! Always ask if you think you may be hurting your partner.)
Many women are put off giving oral sex because they don’t want to deal with the whole swallowing issue. As in, I don’t want to, but I don’t want to offend him. True, gagging and spitting out his semen is rude. Imagine if a man were to do the same to you! So, here are a few options:
Swallow. Seriously. Try it. It’s not as horrible as you may think. Besides, many men find this terribly endearing. (Then again, many men in post-orgasmic stupor aren’t really paying attention.) If you really can’t stand to swallow, don’t.
Catch the semen in your hand as he climaxes, then use it as a lubricant for the final strokes as he orgasms.
As he gets closer to orgasm, let him pull away and ejaculate on your body. This is nice for him and great for your skin. (Truth: Spermine, a polyamine compound found in sperm, is an antioxidant. Studies have shown it can smooth wrinkles and combat acne. Who knew?)
What’s Good for the Goose…
You don’t like it when our man goes straight for your clitoris during oral sex, right? Our man often feels the same way about his penis. He may have you believe otherwise but every man enjoys a bit of teasing. It makes the experience more fulfilling.
Begin giving oral sex by kissing and licking your way down his body. Take you time getting down there. Pay attention to each movement made—turn him on and get him really wanting the mouth. Nipples, chest, belly button—all these are obvious kissing spots. But don’t neglect the less obvious like little nibbles on the waist and hips.
Once you get to the penis, give it a quick, teasing lick, then move on to the thighs. When you do finally take him into your mouth, the experience will be much more intense.
He Likes to Watch
Men are visual creatures. When giving him oral sex, he may enjoy watching nearly as much as feeling the sensations of your mouth and hands.
Get positioned between his legs, if he’s lying down or sitting, so he can get a good view. Pull your hair up if it’s long, or let him hold it up for you—this is also a tactile pleasure for him.
If you’re not too shy, try to maintain eye contact with him. Even if you’re a bit self-conscious, at least offer him a few glances as you working your magic. From his angle, the entire experience will be far more enriching.
One of the most flexible parts of our bodies is the tongue—certainly more flexible than the penis (which explains why so many women love oral sex). This oral sex technique will get her going.
Use the tip of your tongue for clitoral stimulation but don’t stimulate too hard or too directly, as some women are oversensitive to this. Alternate by flattening your tongue and slowly (really slowly) licking from the base of her vagina to the top, as though you’re licking an ice cream cone.
As her clitoris becomes more erect, you can begin gentle sucking on it directly. Some women will also enjoy it if you blow lightly on the clitoris. Note: Never blow into the vagina directly, as this can be dangerous.
As your partner gets more aroused during cunnilingus, you can begin introducing your fingers into the mix. Use one or more well-lubricated fingers to penetrate her vagina, simulating your penis.
Again, start out slowly and build up a faster rhythm, while simultaneously penetrating her more deeply. (Don’t forget to keep up the tongue action.) Your lover will let you know with body language or oral (sorry for the pun) indicators such as moaning or quickened breathing patterns.
Bonus Tip: At the point where you think you’re finished performing, continue for another few minutes. Trust me, she’ll be thankful.
Men and women who aren’t fans of the whole oral sex thing may wish to try one or more of these tips:
Take a bath together beforehand, so that both of you have skin that is soft and clean.
Sips of champagne throughout the oral sex act is a great break for you and your partner.
Rub a small amount of non-toxic, edible lubricant on the genitals before you begin. (Use the application as a way to further arouse your partner).
Place a mint in your mouth. Be careful not to “burn” your lover with the mint.
Bring some erotic foods into the act. If you and your partner have a good sense of play, make ice cream sundaes! Add whipped cream, chocolate or caramel sauce and of course ice cream to your lover’s genitals—forego the spoon and dive in, mouth first.
Analingus: The Other Oral Sex
Often overlooked in the world of oral sex is analingus, or lip and tongue stimulation of the anus. Although many see this as a strictly homosexual activity, nothing can be farther from the truth. In fact, if you’re already giving oral sex to your partner, you may incorporate analingus into the act.
However, this type of stimulation requires a more caution.
Start with a clean anus and a clean mouth. You both may choose to shower together beforehand. It’s nice foreplay.
Never move from anus to vagina or anus to penis directly. You’ll need to rinse with antibacterial mouthwash first. Don’t forget to swish with water afterwards; the mouthwash may sting your lover’s sensitive skin.
If you wish to include both anal and oral play, put a dam (latex sheets similar to cellophane wrap) over the anus.
Both men and women have thousands of nerve endings around the edge of the anus, so this kind of stimulation can be incredibly pleasurable. There’s no reason to avoid this kind of stimulation, just be safe about it.
Oral Sex Positions
Positions? Plural? Yes, indeedy. It’s not all about sticking your head between your reclining lover’s legs. Here are a few alternatives to try:
Both partners can take turns being on top, straddling you lover’s face. For women, this can be a great way to control the amount of stimulation they’re receiving. For men, it’s a good way to adjust depth of penetration. Keep in mind, though, that this position can be harder on the one performing oral sex. Don’t sit down too heavily or thrust so much that you crush or choke your lover.
The classic “69” position involves giving mutual oral sex. Both of you lie in opposite directions, on your back and stomach, respectively or on your sides. Some people find it hard to give and receive pleasure at the same time, so test this out to see if it works for you.
It may be a nice interlude rather than a means to climax.
If you’re in bed, each lover can take turns kneeling or squatting on the floor at the edge of the bed. The receiving partner sits (or reclines) with his/her feet dangling off the edge. The performing partner can put a pillow under the knees to avoid getting tired.
Bonus Tip: Receiving partner, drape your legs over your lover’s shoulders. This gives better access to all of your genitals as well as the anus, for light stroking or full anal stimulation/penetration.
Do you have any oral sex tips you’d like to share? Share the love and post them in the comments below.
Until then, happy loving!
Love elephant and want to go steady?
Author: Rachel Astarte
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock