December 21, 2014

The 8th Commandment of Dating.


“Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds.” ~ David Deida

Just Breathe.

The single most potent way to attract love is to embody the spirit of love.

Through our thoughts, the way we look at others, our posture, and most importantly, through our breath. Think of your breath as the ultimate gateway drug to love.

Your breath is your spirit’s way of saying, “Yes! I am here now.” When you breathe with conscious awareness you switch lanes from spiritual sleepwalking and awaken into the enlightened path of love.

In the realm of dating, breathing practices help us unite with our soul’s intention rather than getting caught up the does-he-love-me-or-does-he-love-me-not machinations of the mind. We don’t need to cling, or project our fantasies or beliefs onto someone else. Because when we really breathe deeply we fall in love with the moment and ourselves. We fall in love with what is. We can see the luminous silver lining lessons of pain and radiate the ecstasy of joy.

“Love is not a strategy. It’s a quality of soul, a gift of essence.”  ~ Hiro Boga

Physiologically, deep breathing helps us make the shift from the sympathetic nervous system (flight or fight) to the parasympathetic nervous system, which allows us to rest, digest and experience sexual arousal. The breath allows us to open and release. Just one deep breath can create a miraculous shift in your outlook, your being, your spirit, and suddenly your walk goes from a sluggish waddle to the sauntering simmer of a strut.

“When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.” ~ Martin Buber

In the ancient yogic texts Shiva Swarodaya and Gyana Swarodaya, vitality and longevity were achieved through the breath. A life was not measured in years, but in the quality of the breath. By breathing slowly, deeply and rhythmically we not only increase our presence in the here and now, but we extend our lifespans. When we breathe consciously, we can generate the sacred electricity that is the language of the soul.

Where does this electricity come from? The spirit. The Latin origins of the word “spirit” help provide some insight into the power of breath. The Latin spiritus literally means breath or respiration. Similarly, the word inspiration means the breath of a god. Think of the way your breath changes with the glow of an “aha” moment, or when you sigh into the sweetness of life. Our breath is the conduit and transmitter of spirit.

As a yogi who was raised Catholic, I’m entranced with the idea of the holy spirit translated as the holy breath. Actually, it’s not just an idea, it’s something that I’ve fully experienced. With our breath we can embody the holy spirit in human form.

Our breath intoxicates us and sends our prana or energetic life force into orbit. It enlivens the body, and the soul. Conscious breathing brings about a vibrational transformation that allows us to be present, and choose love over fear. It beckons us to be angels in human form.

Take a moment right now and place both hands over your heart space. Inhale deeply as if you could breathe in the magical elixir of love, and exhale out releasing any fear or worries. Do this five times.

The currents you feel right now in your body are the electricity of the soul.

With deep, conscious, attentive breathing, we transform our bodies and tune into the frequency of our souls. When we breathe fully, we are sheer presence. What better way to welcome and draw in the beloved than by being love?

“Love is not something to merely feel. It is something to be chosen, to make a stand for, to lay claim to, to incarnate fully.” ~ Marianne Williamson

Here are some practical ways you can use your breath as a vehicle to invoke the divinity within, to choose love, to be love in action and holy in spirit:

Bedtime Meditation: Exhale out all that has ever been and inhale the present moment. Do this for three-five minutes. This is particularly useful at nighttime to release whatever may have transpired that day and to go to bed in a peaceful, calm and relaxed state.
In the Moment Meditation: If you’re at stuck in traffic, or in any sort of stress producing situation, this works wonders. With each breath on the intake, simply say to yourself, “I choose love.” Do this for five minutes and your day will be transformed.
Open Your Heart: Imagine that you could actually breathe into your heart, and exhale out of your heart space. Visualize the breath as love in motion, moving in and out through the heart space as you inhale and exhale. It helps to place both hands over the heart like in the previous exercise. Let your body melt as the heart takes over and gives the mind a much-needed break.
Take and Give: Tonglen is a meditation technique from Tibetan Buddhism which means “taking and receiving.” Through Tonglen, we extend compassion to others and in return, become more compassionate towards ourselves. Self-compassion is the secret ingredient to being a kind lover and friend to our beloved. When we’re hyper critical of ourselves, we also find ways to criticize others, play the victim or keep an icy distance. Compassion melts the ice. As further incentive to try this out, the Dalai Lama practices Tonglen every day.

o On the in-breath, breathe in the pain of a situation, or a relationship that needs healing.
o On the exhalation, visualize that the suffering can be alleviated and removed. Send comfort and happiness to the situation, individual, or group involved.

Pema Chödrön has an excellent guided Tonglen meditation online.

Dating doesn’t need to be overly complicated. Walk away from the battlefield strategizing of love and step into the field of electric possibility. Put down the armor. Let the heart lead and just breathe.



Dating Commandment One.

Dating Commandment Two.

Dating Commandment Three.

Dating Commandment Four.

Dating Commandment Five.

Dating Commandment Six.

Dating Commandment Seven.



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Author: Kristi Kremers

Editor: Travis May

Photo: YouTube screenshot

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